Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 285 COUPLES COUNSELING

“Why do I have to do this?” Yamcha whined for the thousandth time. 

“Cus we made a deal,” I spat back. “If you can’t train me. Just give me the introduction and we are done.”

“I don’t know if I can see her,” Yamcha wheezed as we walked down the street. I thought I noticed the giant Capsule compound ahead of us, but Yamcha was about to run. 

“You leave and I tell her about that girl I hooked you up with,” I warned. 

“We didn’t do anything!” Yamcha yelled. 

“Oh, so someone else was crying to her how much you missed Bulma. You make a run for it and I find Bulma on my own, she hears all about it.”

That made him stiffen up. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would,” I said, showing him my best smile. Yamcha didn’t risk it. His spiritual energy leaked resignation. 

Ahead a huge dome building appeared. Practically it’s own block of buildings around it, I was growing more positive this was the place as we walked ahead. 

What I knew of Bulma was that she was a genius. As smart as or smarter than her dad she could invent a Time Machine if pushed hard enough. Her father was the inventor and owner of the biggest corporation in the world. Capsule Corp. 

Capsules were small pill sized…capsules. Push a button on them and they could turn into giant houses, vehicles, everything that was normally too unruly to carry could be made into a capsule. Like carrying your own shrunken down anything, it was a great item to have. And would be my pick for the Item Choice once I finished my quest. 

Yamcha stepped onto the lot of land and walked into the large dome building. Inside was a huge garden with a zoo worth of animals inside. Yamcha looked around but not seeing anyone he headed out. 

“Can’t you like, feel their energy or something?” I asked. 

“Not really,” Yamcha admitted. “I’ve been training that. But it’s mostly people that are close by that I can sense.”

“How close?” I asked, disappointed. 

“Uh you,” he admitted. 

“Fucking hell,” I mumbled. I’d really made the wrong choice for a trainer. 

“Come on. They’re here somewhere,” Yamcha said, his nervousness leaking back in. We spent the next 10 minutes walking around like we owned the place. A couple of butlers walked by, but were happy to point us to one building after another. Yamcha had been a common figure there so they weren’t too worried. 

Eventually we got to a workshop. This building actually had a passcode to get in. Yamcha punched in 1234 and we were in. 

“Seriously? Aren’t there secrets that need to be protected here?” I asked, annoyed. 

“They’re very trusting,” Yamcha admitted. “I mean it’s been that code for years. They haven’t had a problem yet.”

“Guess you’re right,” I said with a defeated sigh. We headed in and came into a giant workshop. A huge crane overhead there were enough toys and tools to make Mei from MHA wet herself. 

“Oh fuck, I need to get her a capsule,” I said as the possibilities were laid out before me. “We would be zillionaires.”

“What?” Yamcha asked. 

“Nothing. Where are they?” 

“Wherever loud stuff is going on,” Yamcha said. Pointing ahead I heard cursing and what sounded like a buzzsaw going off.

“You fucked up the wiring schematics!” A woman’s voice yelled. 

“No I didn’t. You can’t read a print!” An older man yelled back. 

We walked up to see them working on what I guessed was a large jet-powered ship. I’d seen a few of similar design flying around. Large wings, big body, this sort of thing could be bought by regular people in this world if you had the money. 

Bulma was on the top of the short plane yelling down. In coveralls she was prettier than I remembered. Blue hair tied back in a ponytail she had a few grease stains on her. Below was who I assumed was her dad. He looked like Master Roshi with hair. Wearing a welding helmet and white lab coat he began digging through some blueprints. 

“Hello!” I yelled over the saw noise coming from inside the plane. Father and daughter turned to stare at us. I could feel the coldness from Bulma as she noticed Yamcha. 

“What the shit are you doing here?” Bulma said. “Hey! Cut out the cutting in there!” Inside the plane the noise died down. 

“Hey Bulma,” Yamcha said weakly. “This is uh my friend-“

“Weston,” I said. “Big fan.”

Bulma crossed her arms, studying me for a moment. She turned back to Yamcha, anger clear in her face. “Get the hell out of here,” she ordered, her eyes cold as she studied Yamcha. 

“Uh yeah,” Yamcha said, turning around. I grabbed the collar of his shirt. 

“Hold on there,” I said. I could tell Bulma wouldn’t be up for doing me a favor with things as they were. Probably the richest girl in the world I doubted money would work either. “I’ve spent the last 36 hours hearing this guy lament about you. I’d appreciate a little history. For my troubles.”

“Lament about me?” Bulma asked as she scoffed. “Tell that to the whore I caught him kissing!”

“I didn’t. You weren’t there! Besides, we were on a break!” He yelled, growing some balls. Unfortunately it was at the wrong time. And his balls told him to say the wrong thing. 

“Fucking idiot,” I said as Bulma’s eyes practically lit on fire. She glared daggers at him. “Gonna take some serious counseling.” I lifted my Chikyugi necklace. Both looked at the pink heart and dropped to the ground where they stood. 

“What’d you do?” The old man asked. Simply intrigued as he quietly stood there while the couple argued. 

“Put them into couples therapy,” I said. Monitoring them in my Makuramoto I let them fight it out. “Big fan of your work, sir.” Walking up I reached out my hand and shook his. “You wouldn’t happen to have a selection of capsules I could buy would you?”

“You a friend of Bulma’s?” He asked. 

“Uh yeah,” I lied. It was a lie for now at least. I hoped to become her friend. 

“I have a whole room of options,” the old man said. “They gonna be out for a while?” I nodded. “Come on. I’ll let you pick one out.”

“I think I love you,” I said as we headed further into the workshop. 

“Don’t tell my wife that. She’d kill me,” the man laughed. 

—-

“And you call yourself a man!?” Bulma yelled. She was hitting him with one of the pillows as Yamcha tried to guard against it. “How dare you play that fucking card on me. I know what I saw you limp dicked-“

“Okay, okay,” I said making an appearance. 

“You!” Bulma yelled, reminding me why I didn’t want her in my harem. She had a very shrill yell. “Get me the fu-“ she shut up as she and Yamcha were held by chains and her mouth was covered with tape. 

I looked around as the duo raged against the restraints. The pillows were thrown about and the place looked like how I left it when I had Hancock in there. I turned, studying the couple as they continued to try to fight. Yamcha was actually breaking out somehow so I focused on his restraints more. 

“I apologize for the late introduction. I am Weston Watanabe,” I said with a bow. “I dream of going on a grand adventure. But I need your help to do that Bulma.” 

I studied the girl. About the same age as Yamcha she had calmed down a little, but not much. I spoke over her yells through the tape. “Now, you are both in my mind. I’ve slowed time down a lot in here, so we are experiencing about 10 hours to 1 second outside of our minds. We have a while left to go. You might as well get comfortable.” I waved my hands and the restraints disappeared. 

They moved for the tape, but it didn’t budge. “Let’s watch some of my favorite scenes from yesterday,” I said. Pointing to a screen I found the decrepit Yamcha in the alley. He made a move for me but I waved my hand and he was held down by restraints once more. 

I went through the state I found him in. Made up a few things that he said about her. How beautiful she was, and how he would never find anyone like her. Then I made up a memory of Yamcha going on a tirade about how dumb he was to have pushed her away. 

“Let’s go win her back,” I said in the memory. 

“How can I do that?” Yamcha whined. 

“I will show you,” I assured. We then did our cleaning up montage. I played the Eye of the Tiger in the background as I showed highlights. From his haircut to getting pedicures. By the end Bulma had tears in her eyes. 

“You really did all that for me?” She asked, disbelieving. Her mouth no longer taped. I released Yamcha. 

“Uh yeah,” Yamcha said, sitting up. 

“You got a haircut and everything? I-I had no idea you cared so much,” she said, showing how low her standards really were. Moving closer she kissed him deeply. Yamcha was lost for a moment, surprised by the action. I waved my hand and we were out of the Makuramoto. 

The duo looked around, standing up as they noticed one another. They locked eyes and Yamcha was on her. Jumping the distance between them they began kissing heavily as Bulma’s dad and I turned away. “You’re wearing a suit?” Bulma gasped. “Take me.” 

“Fuck-that’s enough!” I yelled to the top of the plane. 

“Yeah! Only work goes on in the shop!” Her dad yelled from next to me. 

“Go away!” Yamcha yelled. 

“No! Deals a deal. I want it,” I said, jumping to the roof. They were already in a state of undress. I wished that there was a way to stop lust at that point. There had to be a way with my chakra. I left that for another day. I kicked his side. “Hurry up. Ask and I’m gone.”

“Fine,” Yamcha growled. Pulling away he stared down at Bulma. “Bulma, darling, he needs to borrow your Dragon Radar.” 

“What?” She asked, sitting up as she pushed him away. Bulma turned to me studying me once more. “Why do you need it?” 

“Apparently my body sucks for martial arts. I want to make a wish to the Eternal Dragon to fix it,” I said. 

“Seriously?” Bulma asked Yamcha. 

“Roshi said it was probably the only way for him to fight,” Yamcha confirmed. 

Biting her lip Bulma thought for a bit. Rolling her eyes she conceded. “Fine. It’s in my room. The building over there. 3rd floor.” 

“Cool,” I said, turning around. As the noises behind me started up again a thought struck me. “Hey, uh which way is Goku’s house? Might as well start with the 4-star ball.” They didn’t answer, focused on one another once more. “Hey, don’t make me firehose you again. Where does Goku live?” 

“Who?” Bulma asked. 

“Goku, crazy hair guy. Won the martial arts tournament,” I said. That stopped their exploration of one another. My heart sank as the confused look came to their faces. 

“Did what? Who is Goku?” Bulma asked. 

“The kid you found that had the 4-star ball. Won the last Martial Arts Tournament,” I said, fear gripping my stomach. 

“You mean Zuina?” Bulma asked. 

“Who?” 

“Zuina. Black hair. Trains all the time.” 

“Zuina isn’t a boy’s name,” I said numbly. 

“No, she is a girl,” Bulma said like I was an idiot. 

My mind short circuited for a long moment. The first anime I ever watched was DBZ. I was never the biggest fan of Goku, but he was synonymous with Dragon Ball. He was the whole point of it. “What?!” I yelled as my mind caught up.