The Simulacrum

Book 4 Extra 7: There is no escaping the ships

"Nobody has to go to the toilet? Last chance!" The infectiously energetic young man waited for a long beat, and when none of us responded, he flashed an ear-to-ear smile. "All right then! Have fun!"

With that, he closed the door on us, and it seamlessly blended into the wood-paneled wall, to the point one would've been hard-pressed to even find the keyhole if they didn't know where to look. Now, normally I'd have probably added something snappy about how there were way too many things to look at already, so nobody would be searching for a stray keyhole, it was actually the whole point of this place. But as usual, I was getting ahead of myself.

"This is sooo cool!" my redhead sister excitedly whispered, her eyes restlessly darting around the room. "Hey, Snowy? Where do you think we should start?"

"There's a letter on the desk over there," my other sister answered, one finger already pointing at the far end of the room. "It must have the instructions."

I expected the two of them to dash off right away, but instead, they remained by my side and only looked at me, waiting for something.

"Don't mind us. Go and play."

I didn't have to say that twice; by the time I finished that sentence, my sisters were already halfway across the room, leaving in the company of my dear assistant.

"Aren't you going to help them?"

"Nah, they'll do fine," I answered with a chuckle. "They were the ones who wanted to try this the most, so let's not get in their way."

Judy nodded and sidled even closer to me, linking our arms together.

"Normally, I would deduct at least five points for taking your sisters for our date, but since this looks interesting, you get a pass."

"How gracious of you."

"You're welcome," she responded like she didn't notice the sarcasm in my voice at all. "By the way, your current score is twelve. If you keep it up, you can still aim for an A for the final evaluation."

"Dormouse? Could we please not grade our dates? Pretty please?"

"Don't be silly, Chief. We have to. How else are we going to develop a mathematical model for the perfect date? Collecting reliable data is the most boring, yet most vital part of science."

" You know, I can't help but feel that you're spending too much time with Galatea and Fred. They're rubbing off on you."

"That was a hurtful remark. Minus one point."

I rolled my eyes and pulled her closer, so I could plant a peck on the top of her head. She muttered something about a new data point in response, but I couldn't hear it properly, because my attention was grabbed by Snowy, who was practically dragging Penny our way.

"You can't!" my redhead sister protested, yet despite appearances, she only put token effort into the act, barely holding onto Snowy's sleeve.

"Why can't we? This room was meant for a whole family."

Hearing that, Penny nearly stumbled, letting go of the other girl before collecting herself, and catching her again, this time holding onto her hand properly. Not that it had any point, as they were right in front of us already.

"Y-Y-Yes, we are f-family, but It still feels like cheating!" she exclaimed, but my Abyssal sister didn't listen, and instead she presented an envelope to me.

"Leo, we need help. This should be the first clue, but we can't make sense of it."

Accepting the letter, I glanced at my girlfriend, who was doing her best to hide her interest. When she noticed, she reluctantly unlinked our arms so that I could take out the envelope's contents. Of course, once I unfolded the message inside, I held it low enough so that Judy could easily read it as well, which she appreciated. With an extra point to my score. Yeah, that was apparently the theme of our date for the day.

In any case, it was about high time I finally explained this whole situation, wasn't it? Let's begin with the obvious part: it was my solo date day with Judy, and one neither of us put too much thought into ahead of time. With the tournament, the other tournament, and new year's eve back to back, we didn't have much time to plan this excursion, and we were just about to settle on just chilling on the couch for the whole day when Penny dropped a surprise proposal on us.

I had no idea how she came across it, but as it turned out, we just had a fancy new escape room set up shop in the city, and they had a special holiday offer that was still available on this day. It was for families only, and since we didn't have a better idea, we went along with it, though not before roping Snowy into our little group as well. While at first she was a little skeptical, Penny did a pretty enthusiastic job explaining what an escape room was about, and she soon infected my other sister with it as well. Judy was slightly less thrilled at first, but by this point, I had a feeling she had considerably thawed on the idea.

As for what an escape room was, it could be best explained as a real-life adaptation of one of those old-school point-and-click adventure games. The players are locked into a room full of all kinds of weird curios and strange contraptions, and by solving a series of puzzles, they would have to find the exit and escape the place. These things were usually themed, and this one wasn't an exception either, imitating a fairly eccentric museum exhibit. Or was it closer to a curator's office? Let's say it was something between those two.

On my right, there was a replica of one of those fancy golden burial masks you'd find on a pharaoh's mummy, sitting on a large pedestal. Behind it, there was an exhibit of some kind with a complex clockwork-punk device locked into a transparent glass cube, while on the other side there was a life-size statue of da Vinci's Vitruvian Man, and based on the joints, it was probably part of some kind of puzzle as well. Note to self: once the girls figured out where to use it and it's not needed anymore, pose it like it was dancing at the disco.

Needless to say, there were many more brainteasers around the place. Some were more obvious, like the huge cylinder puzzle with astrology signs on it embedded into the far wall, others were less so, like the weird abstract wire sculpture on a rotating platform, with a conveniently placed lamp casting its shadow onto a nearby surface. All in all, while this escape room was a tad eclectic, it also had its charm, and so long as the girls liked it, I wasn't going to complain either.

Anyhow, enough with the exposition, let's focus on the issue at hand. After skimming through the contents of the hand-written message that surely tied the lore of this whole game together, I summarily ignored it all and pointed at a certain word on the paper.

"There are a couple of words written in a fancier cursive font."

"That's right," Judy agreed with me, and also poked the paper. "It's 'primed', 'even', 'sixth', and 'in time'."

"We noticed that, but what does that mean?" Penny asked, and while I had a solid idea, just outright telling her was spoiling the fun, so I handed the letter back to her and innocuously pointed at the suspiciously large grandfather clock in the corner.

"Think a little bit about what those words could mean." For emphasis, I patted Penny on the shoulder, but she remained fixated on the note.

"Oh! I think I get it!" Snowy exclaimed, and since they were still holding hands, she once again pulled Penny along.

"Awawa! Slow down! What do you mean you get it?"

While the two of them discussed their next move in front of the clock, I allowed myself a content big-brotherly chuckle. Seeing my family getting along was cozy, without a doubt.

"They're cute, aren't they?" Judy noted on the side, and I nodded in reflex.

"They sure are. Considering how disastrous their first meeting was, I'm glad to see them getting along so well. They're really starting to look like proper sisters." Out of the blue, my dear assistant gave me a sideways glance, prompting me to ask, "What?"

"Chief, I know your metrics for these kinds of things are off, but even you can't think that 'proper sisters' should have that much UST between them."

This time, it was my turn to send a sideways look.

"You can't be serious, Dormouse."

"Are you seriously not seeing it?"

"Seeing what?"

Visibly skeptical (by Judy standards), she pointed at my sisters.

"They're still holding hands."

"So what? Skinship between family members is perfectly normal."

By this point, Judy's face ever-so-slightly twisted into a disapproving frown, and she gently stepped on my feet.

"Stop teasing me."

"I'm not. Also, you're being violent on our date. That's a minus one on the score, at minimum."

That made her feet stop, but only deepened her frown.

"Chief, that's my gimmick for the day. You can't just take it."

"Now, now, Dormouse. Don't be selfish, or I'll have to detract another point."

"You're literally the worst. You're infringing on my intellectual property, and I will see you in court for it."

Oh? A litigation-skit? That brought back some nostalgic memories.

"Really? And how are you going to afford the legal fees, young miss?"

"Don't worry about it. My fianc is rich."

"You want to sue me using my own money?"

"Don't be silly, Chief. I'm talking about my other fiance."

"Oh, right. That makes much more sense," I nodded absentmindedly, then tilted my head to the side to ask, "Speaking of which, are you two actually engaged?"

"Not officially, but Emese insists on the idea, so I imagine it's only a matter of time," my dear assistant explained with a shrug.

"Now that I think about it, she had been really adamant about rounding out our polifidelous triangle ever since the first dinner we had together."

"Why does that surprise you?" When, instead of answering, I tilted my head the other way in confusion, Judy let out a shallow sigh. "Chief, you do know about the local shipping circle, right?"

"The wha? Ah, wait. Don't forget where we were." Just as I finished saying that, my sisters returned to our side, once again looking completely stumped. "Is there a problem?"

"We solved the clock puzzle and used the metal disks to find the hidden compartment in the desk, but we don't know where to go from here," Snowy explained, and handed a piece of paper to me. "It says 'Let the darkest light illuminate your journey to the king of old', but there's nothing else."

"Hm? That's tricky," I mused.

In the meantime, Judy looked over the parchment, and said, "Please show me your inventory."

My sisters shared an uncertain glance with each other, but obediently showed off all the items they had collected so far. It included a strange metal rod with a small hole on one end, a pair of AA batteries, a couple of metal disks depicting zodiac signs with irregular patterns on the edges, and a small metal key.

Without hesitation, I picked up the rod, and, after some fiddling, I managed to unscrew it, revealing a hollow compartment inside.

"Yep, as expected. The batteries go here."

The girls perked up at once and quickly reassembled the item. Once it was fully screwed together, the hole on it lit up with a dull violet light.

"The 'king of old' most likely refers to the pharaoh's mask over there," Judy added on, handing the paper back to them as well. "I think you should turn off the lights in the room and look for clues using that blacklight around there."

"Thank you," Snowy said, then flashed a knowing smile at my other sister. "You see? I told you they'll figure it out in a second."

"That wasn't why I said I didn't want to ask for help," Penny responded, sounding pretty sulky in the process. "I wanted us to solve it together."

"I think we're making good progress, but it feels strange to leave Leo and Judy out"

I adopted a reassuring smile and told them, "Nah, we're fine. If you need help, we're happy to help, but if you want to solve things on your own, don't feel obliged to involve us."

For some reason, my knightly sister became flustered at that.

"Then let's solve the rest on our own! Just the two of us!" Penny implored, taking my Abyssal sister aback, if only for a second.

"In that case, let's find the light switch first."

"On it!"

And with that, the two of them dashed away while still holding hands for some mysterious reason. Once more, I allowed myself a good-natured chuckle and turned my attention back to my girlfriend, who was once again giving me an incongruous look.

Just as I was about to ask why she did that, she said, "I refuse to believe you cannot see the UST between those two."

With this, we officially graduated to minor annoyance, so I promptly rolled my eyes.

"And I'm telling you you're overthinking this and seeing things that aren't there. Not every positive interaction between people has to be automatically romantic."

"No, Chief. You're definitely the one who's underthinking this. Even Emese agrees with me on this."

" Right, that was the thing we were talking about before we were interrupted." After musing so, I decided to bite the bullet and ask, "I might regret this, but what was that thing about a 'shipping circle'?"

"It's self-explanatory."

" Are you seriously telling me we have an actual group of people on the island who are shipping others in real life? I mean, as real as this world is?" Judy stared at me like I was just stating the obvious, so it was time to upgrade things to minor exasperation by letting out a bewildered groan. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Sorry, Chief, but it's the truth. I was under the impression you were already aware of this."

"Well, I obviously wasn't," I grumbled. "How big is this shipping circle?"

"I can't tell you that. My oath of secrecy compels me."

"So you're also part of it."

"At the moment, I cannot confirm or deny that. For further information, please contact my attorney."

"Wonderful"

I mean, I knew that shipping was serious business for some people, and it was the bane of most online discussions about fiction, but I've never heard of an actual group of people coming together to ship others. Still, there was little I could do about it at the moment, so I decided to just roll with it and see where this discussion would lead to.

"Let me see if I get this right: you're saying that we not only have a group of shippers of indeterminate size on our hands, but they also ship my sisters with each other for some reason."

"It's not just 'for some reason', it's blindingly obvious. It's consistently voted to be the most popular ship at the moment."

"Voted? Wait, a better question: Does that mean there are other ships too?"

"Of course. We or rather, they, can't really be called a shipping circle if there's only one potential relationship to root for."

"Are those just as baseless and silly?"

"You are way too negative and confrontational. I'm deducting another point from today's date."

"Well, it's a good thing that I also just gave an extra point for me practicing healthy skepticism, so it evens out." I flashed a toothy smile for emphasis, much to my girlfriend's annoyance, but while I found this whole topic silly, I certainly didn't want it to ruin our solo date over it. As such, I offered an olive branch. "Seriously though, what other ships are out there? Ours concluded ages ago, while the Angie/Josh and Ammy/Mike ones are already sailing well, and I can't think of any others."

"It's only because your scope is too narrow," Judy responded with a soft huff and just a hint of a pout. Honestly, as much as I enjoyed trying to guess the meanings of her expressions in the past, seeing her getting more expressive over time was also nice to see. Ignoring my gaze, she sucked in a deep breath and explained, "Currently, there are five major ships in the circle."

"Five?" I repeated after her without even trying to hide my incredulity.

"Yes." She nodded but didn't elaborate.

"Such as?"

"I was under the impression you considered the topic silly."

"I do, but that doesn't mean I'm not curious," I said, and after some vacillation, my girlfriend finally relented.

"Fine, I'll tell you. While the Snowy/Penny ship is the most popular one at the moment, the most advanced one with the highest chance of reaching the docks is the Sahi/Pascal one."

"Really? I mean, sure, it's obvious there's something going on with those two, but considering their respective backgrounds, it doesn't seem too solid to me."

"And that's because you don't know the first thing about how romance works."

"You just said to the guy with two loving girlfriends," I pointed out just a touch complacently, and was rewarded with a deadpan look in return.

"Chief, you know it just as well as I do how hard it was to get things started with you. For a notorious flirt, you required way too much effort on our end to get into a relationship."

"I still don't know where this misunderstanding stems from, but I'm not a flirt, let alone a notorious one. More importantly though, what other ships do we have?"

"You just changed the subject. You always do that when you know you can't win an argument."

"No, I just re-railed the conversation. Big difference. So, what else do we have?"

Judy silently grumbled something under her breath, but after a long beat, she answered anyway.

"The next most popular ship is the one between Naoren and Rinne."

"Wait, what?" I interjected, genuinely baffled. "Where did that come from?"

"Meticulous observation and gut feelings," she answered with a straight face.

"They only met twice! You can't just declare a ship based on that!"

"They do seem to get along, though."

"So do Ichiko and Karukk," I responded indignantly, only to freeze when I noticed my dear assistant was giving me an odd look. " Please don't tell me that's a thing."

"Technically, it's part of the Ichiko harem theory," she said plainly, like what she just said made a lick of sense.

"Do I even want to know what that even means?"

"You probably do, otherwise you wouldn't have asked that question," Judy told me in the same tone, and I had to grudgingly agree.

"Fine, hit me."

"As of now, Ichiko is being shipped with Karukk, Caledfwlch, Pudding-kun, and Xiao."

" You know what? On second thought, I don't want to know after all."

"Your loss," Judy responded with a shrug, and this time, I vehemently disagreed with her.

Note to self: once our date was finished, look into this whole circle thing and dismantle it with extreme prejudice. Some good-natured shipping was fine and dandy, but there are certain lines that shouldn't be crossed

"You know what? How about we shelf this whole shipping-discussion for the time being and watch the girls solve the puzzles instead? I'll give you two extra points for it."

Judy gave me a long, deadpan stare, then whispered, "You ruined it. You took my gimmick, and completely ruined it."

"Come on, Dormouse. As far as gimmicks go, it was middling at best. After inventing Judybot, you shouldn't let your standards fall so low." She remained glum, so I put my arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "Say, how about I apologize, and we sweep this whole date-scoring idea under the rug?"

"I'd much rather you make it up for me through actions instead of words," she responded with a dangerous glint in her eyes, and I suddenly felt like I fell into a trap.

" You're thinking of something lewd, aren't you?"

"Please, Chief. I'm not thinking of lewding all the time," she told me with a huff, but then added, "The fact that I had an idea along those lines is entirely accidental and in no way representative of my thought processes."

"If you say so," I chuckled and yanked her closer until her hip bounced off mine, and gestured towards the girls, who were currently busy trying to figure out how to pose the Vitruvian Man mannequin. That looked fun, though when looking at it being twisted around, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of weird position my dear girlfriend would want to try out this time around.

Oh well. For now, let's just enjoy watching the girls play, and let's cross that bridge when we get there