The Rise Of A Porter

"Hm? Would any of you resurrect me?"Arnold repeated his question but the response was the same. Utter silence.

Arnold was raising some valid points. It was a deathmatch and it wouldn't be fair to him if they just up and resurrected Hermes back. it would be like a one-sided deathmatch where only he was bearing the actual risk of dying.

Maybe that was the reason why Hermes challenged him in the first place. He was a god and even though he didn't do much for the welfare of the universe, there were a bunch of other gods who would be willing to resurrect him. But for Arnold death was the end.. 

"It doesn't matter what the mortal says," Dionysus, the Greek god of wine and intoxication was the first one to speak, "WE are the gods and WE are the only ones who can decide what happen with our fallen comrades-"

"I can't hear you from all the way up there." Arnold interrupted Dionysus while placing the sword on his shoulder playfully, "Why don't you come down here and tell me what you have to say right to my face?"

Arnold's invitation completely silenced Dionysus and he once again assumed his seat. Dionysus knew Arnold could hear him loud and clear and that he just wanted the god of wine down there so that he could do the same thing that he did with Hermes. Arnold liked the fear the gods had. But now since Dionysus had raised his voice, Arnold wanted to thoroughly silence it. Though he wanted to do it with words rather than swords. 

"By the way, Dio, I hope you don't mind me calling you that not that I care even if you do, I have been wanting to ask you something." Arnold turned everyone's attention on to the liquor god, "Why would the gods need someone like you in their pantheon? I mean, was Zeus distributing free godship to those who let their wives sleep with him or something?"

As Arnold threw insults towards Dionysus, none of the gods rebuked him. Why would they punish someone who was speaking the truth and entertaining them at the same time? In fact, Hera knew Dionysus was a loyal follower of Zeus, whom she had already made up the mind to overthrow as the king of Mount Olympus once the event was over. Thus, even if Arnold was to kill the god, she would not bat an eye to it. 

"I have heard about useless gods but you, my guy, definitely take the victory when it comes to uselessness. Hell, even my weakest summons can kick your as.s any time of the day." Arnold smiled and turned back to Heimdall, but he had one last jab to throw before talking about business, "So keep drinking your piss wine and shut your trap or I'll send one of my undead warriors to kick your butt till it turned red like red wine."

"Arnold, I would appreciate it if you focus on solving the issue at hand rather than trolling our fellow gods." Heimdall politely asked Arnold and even though Arnold hated gods, he had come to know that Heimdall wasn't a bad guy. One could say he had even developed a bit of respect for the Asgardian.

"My sincere apologies, it's just that I don't like to be interrupted by kids while I'm talking." Arnold gave Heimdall a short bow to show his 'sincerity' before rebuking Dionysus once again, "So assuming that none of you would resurrect me, it's only fair that none of you resurrects him either."

"Alright. It seems fair enough. But what will we do with his corpse then? Let it rot?"

"No. Let me have it."

[The One with a Sword and Sheild applauds your intelligence. +1000 Quest points.]

[The One with Luscious lips nods in agreement. +2000 Quest points.]

[The Laughing baldy find you amusing. +100 quest points.]

[The Immortal One is impressed by the reasons you put forward. +1 Quest points]

[...]

[...]

'Really dude? Just one point?' Arnold scratched the back of his head, 'Well, considering this is the first time he had given me a point, I'll treasure it.'

"Alright... let's do a poll then," Heimdall slammed his greatsword on the ground and a digital screen popped up for everyone to see with two columns in it, "All of the gods that have been gathered here, will place cast their votes within ten seconds whether the Mortal should be allowed to take the corpse away or not. Your time starts now."

Arnold did not even have to wait for ten seconds to see the results. It was his overwhelming victory. Out of all the gods that had gathered there, only 31% voted for Hermes' resurrection while 69% voted for Arnold to have the corpse as he was the victor of the match. 

'I knew entertaining these fools would help me out later.'

"Well, it's decided then." Heimdall once again tapped his sword on the ground and the screen disappeared, "The mortal will have Hermes' corpse and he will not be resurrected by any gods ever."

"Can I ask another favour of you?" Arnold interrupted Heimdall once again, "I would like to know the names of those who voted against me."

"Request denied... We are here to watch you and your fellow contestants battle." Heimdall said as he massaged his temples, "And not for you to produce a river of the God's blood here. Although it would be entertaining to watch."

"Don't mind me, I just had to shoot my shot. So who's next?" 

"Not you definitely." Heimdall replied, "I, the moderator of this proud event, declare Arnold Ling ineligible to participate in the contest. He is clearly too strong for the other contestants to even stand a chance against him."

"What the fck?"

Arnold was not at all pleased with what he was hearing. First, he did not get the world rank rewards now he was being declared ineligible to fight and possibly win the event altogether?

Heimdall noticed Arnold's reaction and quickly completed what he was saying, "That being said, all the contestants will now fight for the second place and so forth. As it is only fair for the strongest to be crowned as the first place winner of the War of the Worlds."

"Wait... so I won without fighting the others?" Arnold asked as a crown appeared over his head.

"I don't think there is a point making you fight them anymore." Heimdall politely replied, "Now if you will, please join me and watch the others fight for the glory of owning the remaining prizes."

While it might seem that everything was going well for Arnold, this turn of events was even better than the one Loki had planned and the wide smile on his face was proof of that.