The Inconceivable Flame: A Fallen Angel's Disguise

Life is all about hello and goodbye. When we say goodbye, it’s in the hope of finding a new hello. But when we begin with a hello, none of us think that there would come a day when we’ll have to say goodbye as well.

The most bizarre thing about life is that our new beginning is supposed to start with a simple hello. But somewhere along the road, our goodbye’s turn into the most complicated things in life.

Ru had always hated the goodbye part. She had a habit of getting prickly whenever it was time to say goodbye. Her eloquent self would always act like a nasty brat at the time of goodbye. Perhaps, it was her way of showing that she had feelings... That she actually cared... She was also hurt...

Nobody could possibly fathom her feelings when she lost her first pet... her snake; Xiao Hong.

The snake was the only companion of her from the age of five and after five years, he left her. The worst part of its death was that it died right in her hands. And she spent hours trying to shake him awake.

That was the first time, she actually felt betrayed as if Xiao Hong’s death had pushed her in the abyss of realization that no matter how much you love something, one day you’ll eventually have to say goodbye.

It took her years to learn that every ’hello’ had a ’hell’ in it and every ’goodbye’ had a ’good’ in it. That’s why she wasn’t picky about goodbyes anymore but she had grown cautious of hellos.

"I thought young master Ru would pull off his disguise." Grandmaster Wang made the remark while Ru was lost in her own thoughts. He was obviously talking about her roaming in the male clothes.

Ru looked down at her own clothes and shrugged her shoulders saying, "I would have to change my gender. It’s too bothersome."

Grandmaster Wang looked at her disbelievingly. "Looks like young master Ru is still a bit confused about his own gender."

Ru gave him a wry smile as she stated, "If you’ll keep addressing me as a young master, how am I supposed to be clear about my gender?" She took a pause before standing up to look around at the green forest as she added, "Besides if it wasn’t for that anatomy class, I’d have stayed clueless about my gender for even longer."

Grandmaster Wang gave a tacit agreement since he was one of those people who were clear about Ru’s situation. He couldn’t blame her for taking the male disguise too seriously. After all, ’till the age of twelve, she still thought that she was a boy! If it wasn’t for that anatomy class that taught the difference between male and female bodies, Ru wouldn’t have run to her mother to question.

"I’m taking my leave now. Say hi to my grandfather and tell him that... I miss him." She averted her eyes as if missing someone was a very embarrassing thing to do. Waving her hand over her shoulder, she vanished before his eyes.

Grandmaster Wang stared at the spot where she disappeared for a while before sighing heavily.

"I apologize to keep you waiting," hearing the elderly voice, Xiao Zhi Ren straightened up. He stared at the elderly man walk in but he could see that the old man was still full of vitality and his manners were refined.

"It’s no big deal." Xiao Zhi Ren didn’t mind waiting at all. It was already enough that using his master’s name, he was able to meet the Abbott Wang Xiu Ying.

Silence shrouded the small room which had a cloak of incense in the air. The aroma made Xiao Zhi Ren feel at ease as if someone was soothing his tired nerves.

Grandmaster Wang observed Xiao Zhi Ren’s face as if trying to look for something. And suddenly, he smiled knowingly. It seemed he found what he was looking for.

"You have a pair of bright and vivid eyes young man," Grandmaster Wang’s words made Xiao Zhi Ren’s lips to curl a bit upward. "It’s almost like there is an ocean of emotions in your eyes... They can make someone’s imagination run amok or stir a person’s soul. There is a strange luster in your eyes..."

"Isn’t that why you called me Zoran?" Xiao Zhi Ren gave a knowing look.

Grandmaster Wang fell into deep thought. "Zoran? A boy born with the radiance of the dawn that can break the shadows of darkness and brightly lit up the dark sky." Grandmaster Wang seemed to have recalled the boy before his eyes as he smiled in irony. "I called you Zoran because of your peculiar birth chart but I named that little boy Zhi Ren. Are you really Zhi Ren of the Ji Family?"

"I still am Zhi Ren but people know me as Zoran as well. My master definitely knows me as Zoran." Xiao Zhi Ren answered honestly since he didn’t see any point in hiding anything from the elderly man before him. Xiao Zhi Ren might not have much impression of Jingshen Monastery but the elderly man before him had left a huge impression on his younger self.

When Xiao Zhi Ren was born, his grandparents had brought him to Jingshen. It was Abbott Wang Xiu Ying who was asked to give a name to him. For the next ten or so years that Xiao Zhi Ren spent in Ji Family, he was always brought to Jingshen during the month of his birth for some ritual that he never understood.

"I always wanted to know why you called me Zoran but named me Zhi Ren?" Xiao Zhi Ren asked inquisitively. "My grandmother used to also say that I have a very special constitution but ’till now, I’m not sure about it. Is my constitution really special? And if it is, then why?"

Grandmaster Wang didn’t answer him immediately instead, he took time to pour tea in a languid manner. After taking a sip of his own tea, he stated, "What if I say that your existence is like the radiance of dawn in someone else’s dark life?" Xiao Zhi Ren’s heart shook a bit. "After going through your four pillars of destiny[1] and the relationship between the five elements [2], I called you Zoran." Grandmaster Wang looked out at the slowly setting sun in the distance through the small window in the room and quoted, "’Zhī rén zhī miàn bù zhī xīn’ Do you know what this idiom means?"

Xiao Zhi Ren nodded and explained, "It means, ’one may know a person for a long time without understanding his true nature’. But what does it have to do with me?"

"This idiom was the reason I named you Zhi Ren. You’re one of those people who others can only know but not understand..." ’Only someone bounded to you will be able to read you like an open book.’ He gave a mysterious smile before adding, "But the most amusing thing about you is that fortunately, your soul has an interpreter... A faithful one; your bright and vivid eyes."

Xiao Zhi Ren felt conflicted inside. He never believed in the superstitions or fortune telling. He had asked that question about his name because he always wanted to know the story behind him being called ’special’.

"I believe you didn’t come all the way here just to ask me the reason behind your name." Grandmaster Wang had lived a long life. He was over seventy and had a foresighted personality. How could he be deceived by a young man’s words?

Xiao Zhi Ren rummaged out a small dagger from the inside pocket of his windbreaker and placed it on the Grandmaster Wang’s table. "I’m looking for someone but that person only left this dagger behind"

Grandmaster Wang’s eyes skimmed over the symbol of a ’thunderbolt’ at the handle of the dagger and remained impassive. "You think you can find a person with this dagger?"

"No..." Xiao Zhi Ren was clear about the fact that he couldn’t find that person with this dagger but this particular dagger was hand carved definitely representing a family. It’d be easier to find the culprit behind his mother’s death. He had only a small dagger and there was only this symbol on that dagger. He had no other clue. "But you’d know which family’s command emblem has this thunderbolt?"

"Young man, are you testing me?" Xiao Zhi Ren found this question odd but he still shook his head. "If you aren’t testing me... Do you want me to believe that the eldest grandson of the Ji Family doesn’t have a clue that his own family’s command emblem has a black thunderbolt engraved on it?"

Xiao Zhi Ren’s eyes widened in disbelief. He had considered the possibility of the culprit being someone from the Ji Family and yet he chose not to believe it out of filial piety. But now... What was he supposed to think? He still was in denial as he said, "But I thought only the hidden family clans of the nation use these find of emblems."

"Ji Family is the second-ranked in those hidden family clans. Being hidden doesn’t mean they hide from the world, it just means they keep their origins a bit secretive." Grandmaster cleared his question without asking anything.

Xiao Zhi Ren was stumped for words. Was it really Ji Family members who chose to murder his mother? But why?

"Thank you for your help... My master gave this to me to pass it to you." Xiao Zhi Ren passed the small wooden box to Grandmaster Wang and turned intending to leave.

He halted in his steps as he heard a question from behind, "Young man, do you believe in soulmates?"

Xiao Zhi Ren frowned at this sudden query. "No-" He was about to answer with ’not really’ when suddenly a smiling face popped up in his mind. Those black eyes with a bit silver in them, twinkling like stars and that chubby face along with those Pheonix eyes that squinted whenever she smiled. Unknowingly, he smiled at the reminder of that face and nodded his head, "I do believe."

Grandmaster Wang didn’t continue on this topic and said, "Zhi Ren."

Xiao Zhi Ren turned to face him with a heavy heart. "Do you know Zhi Ren means a saint... A sage; a fully realized man?"

Xiao Zhi Ren gave an ironic smile as he stated, "I’m not a saint." He thought that the elderly man had seen his resolve for vengeance and that’s why he was reminding him to act like his name and be forgiving towards his own blood.

But...

He was thoroughly wrong with his thinking.

Grandmaster Wang smiled at his reply and said, "Just remember, your fate is bound with someone from birth and whether you are a saint or not, only that person can decide. Because no matter who you’ll be, you’ll always stay as the saint in that demon’s life." His words startled Xiao Zhi Ren even more as he couldn’t even comprehend the meaning behind them. "Have a safe journey." Saying that he waved him to leave.

As Xiao Zhi Ren left the small wooden hut, Grandmaster Wang sighed tiredly.

"Are you okay, Great Abbott?" His young attendant asked with concern.

Grandmaster Wang rubbed his chin thoughtfully before whispering to himself, "It was meant to be a sad fate from the very beginning." He could only shake his head in disappointment.

’One has the ocean of emotions in his eyes, the other holds the mysterious nature of that ocean. One has the tranquility of the ocean, the other holds wildness in her eyes. Oddly, both have the soul-stirring eyes... Sigh! It’s a pity that they share a sad fate.’ Grandmaster Wang’s eyes got a bit wet as he was lost in his own thoughts.

[1] (birth year, birth month, birth date and birth hour)

[2] (wood, fire, earth, metal, and water)