Second Try Idol

Chapter 258: Again After Rainfall (34)

Kang Joo-Han and Goh Yoo-Joon returned to the accommodation late at night. Park Yoon-Chan and Lee Jin-Sung greeted them with their faces swollen from crying.

“Hyung, how is Hyun-Woo hyung?"

Kang Joo-Han immediately started nagging them after shaking his head

“...Wow, you guys are still crying? Very impressive. How are you going to perform tomorrow? Did you practice?"

“Ah, no...".

“Are we... Are we performing tomorrow?" Jin-Sung asked.

“Of course, we are. Why wouldn’t we be?"

“What about Hyun-Woo hyung?"

Goh Yoo-Joon pointed toward the door and indicated that no one was coming in from behind him. “He's spending the night at the hospital today. He collapsed suddenly, so we left him there just in case his condition aggravates."

“He's not seriously hurt, is he? The articles were going crazy, and I was worried even after hearing from Su-Hwan hyung..."

“There are no major issues. He wasn't injured, and we saw him awake. But, well, uh..." Goh Yoo-Joon frowned, seemingly frustrated. “It seems he's more upset about messing up the stage than about his own physical condition."

“Why did he suddenly collapse? Does he have a reason?"

“We don't know the exact reason. But he mentioned it was hot because of the lights that day. The whole thing was very chaotic with the fireworks going off. That's all he said. He mentioned he's sensitive to direct lighting."

As Kang Joo-Han and Goh Yoo-Joon relayed the conversation they’d had with Suh Hyun-Woo to the other members, Lee Jin-Sung suddenly became solemn.

“Direct lighting..." Jin-Sung murmured to himself.

“Anyway, I think there might be a reason he fainted, so let's monitor the videos from Hyun-Woo's shoots for now."

“Ah."

“Honestly, I'm not even sure if the lights are the real reason. Hyun-Woo always evades the topic when it’s brought up. Whether it's the lights or the sound of the fireworks, or maybe just not feeling well—"

Some time passed. Lee Jin-Sung had stopped crying and was lost in thought with his eyelids cast down. “Um. Hyung, um..."

“What's up, Jin-Sung?"

“I'm wondering if maybe both the lights and the fireworks are the issue... Just my thoughts, but, uh..." Lee Jin-Sung's face grew even more somber, seemingly filled with concern, and perhaps even guilt. “You know, there was an accident with the lights before our debut."

The trigger for guilt could not be easily forgotten. At least, that was the case for Lee Jin-Sung.

“When we were taking profile photos, Hyun-Woo hyung got hurt trying to save me."

It was a harrowing incident that had left a scar on Suh Hyun-Woo's leg, but since he hadn’t seemed bothered and the incident was resolved well, everyone had moved on.

However, it was an event that was completely buried in everyone's memories, except for Lee Jin-Sung, who remembered. Suh Hyun-Woo had saved him, and that accident could have been very serious since Suh Hyun-Woo got injured and bled from his leg. This accident had involved both him and Lee Jin-Sung.

“Could it be because of that? It was a close call back then. The lights exploded. The sound of the fireworks and the lights bursting might have sounded similar to him."

“...Hyun-Woo hyung might have been really shocked back then, even if he acted calm. Thinking back on it, this kind of thing never happened before that incident."

“Right. We used to perform on stage for our monthly evaluations and all. He has never struggled with the lights like this, has he?" Jin-Sung asked.

The lights were always hot, but Suh Hyun-Woo enjoyed the sweat from the heat of the lights as far as the members could tell. Lee Jin-Sung clearly remembered that incident. He hadn’t been hurt at all, and he hadn’t seen the lights explode due to Hyun-Woo pulling him away, but he vividly remembered feeling intense heat briefly from the sparks behind him. He got over it in a few days since he didn't see what had occurred with his own eyes, but maybe Suh Hyun-Woo hadn’t.

Kang Joo-Han nodded. “Jin-Sung, you might be right." He paused and was about to get lost in thought again, but he stopped and looked at Lee Jin-Sung with concern. “Are you okay? How are you feeling? No pain or shock?"

“Hyung... are you worried about me? I'm totally fine," Jin-Sung replied.

“Phew, that's good then. At least you are healthy, geez."

Relieved by Lee Jin-Sung's response, Kang Joo-Han drifted back into his thoughts. Suh Hyun-Woo's unusual symptoms had only started showing up recently, so he had been going through their memories since debut.

Yes, there had been such an incident. He wondered why he hadn't thought of the accident that had even made the members' hearts drop from afar. If these symptoms had started from that accident, it meant Suh Hyun-Woo had been enduring all of this pain by himself during every broadcast and shooting until now.

'So that's why he didn't say anything.' It wouldn't solve anything. It would only add to the members' worries.

“Ah, this is serious." There would be many more such instances in the future. Kang Joo-Han picked up his phone and stood up. “I will go talk to Su-Hwan hyung. Since they said Hyun-Woo is fine, you guys practice the formation without him for now. I will be there soon."

“Okay."

He didn't have a clear idea of how to resolve the situation, but one thing was certain. This wasn't something Suh Hyun-Woo should deal with alone.

'I will give a heads-up to the counselor first.' Kang Joo-Han couldn't let Suh Hyun-Woo carry this burden alone throughout his career. Whether it was fireworks or lights exploding repeatedly, the members could step in to block his view and cover his ears, offering at least that much help.

Just then, messages arrived on Kang Joo-Han's phone. They were from Suh Hyun-Woo.

- Am I not going to be on stage tomorrow?

- Goh Yoo-Joon said we are going ahead with tomorrow's stage.

- I'm not hurt, so I want to be a part of it.

Kang Joo-Han sighed automatically. “Ah, this guy."

Did he know how many fireworks go off at an outdoor festival? Without replying, Kang Joo-Han continued walking.

***

Joo-Han hyung had a soft spot for his younger members' tears. When Goh Yoo-Joon lost his voice from over-practicing as a trainee and messed up his end-of-month evaluation, which he ended up in last place, he cried as if he would be cut from the program. Joo-Han had sighed deeply at the sight and then went to persuade Supervisor Kim.

Jin-Sung often got off the hook for being scolded just because he started whimpering. Also, when Yoon-Chan was struggling with his diet, Joo-Han had insisted that starving wasn't the way to lose weight. He had secretly fed him chicken even though he was going against the company's orders.

Thus, he would do what I want if I kept my stance while being considered sick.

- No. We've already finished practicing without you.

Joo-Han's serious reply, which even ended with a period, prompted me to call him immediately. As soon as he picked up, I started sobbing.

“Hyung, please, just this once. Can't you persuade Su-Hwan hyung?"

- Hey.

“I'm really okay... It's the last stage, you know. I think I will be too miserable if I end it like this. I know I'm being a burden, but..."

- This isn’t about you being a burden.

I was ashamed of myself for almost fainting over something as trivial as fireworks or lights. I didn't want to leave things like this because the last stage had ended on such an unsatisfactory note. I felt that only by overcoming the fear of fireworks and lights and by finishing a performance I could relieve even a bit of the upset.

Therefore, I insisted. I was honest about my feelings and used all kinds of persuasion as I wanted to show the fans who might have been worried that I was okay.

As expected, Joo-Han sighed repeatedly after hearing me cry and said that he would talk to Su-Hwan before hanging up.

Later, I received a reply from Joo-Han that he had gotten permission for me to participate in just one stage. Due to the nature of the festival, I couldn't perform a solo stage, and with various lights and fireworks abound, it was decided I would only participate in “Parade" to prepare for any possible situation.

“That's good enough for me..." I was relieved to be allowed to stand on stage in any way. The thought of having messed up the performance made me so frustrated that I couldn't stop shaking. I felt compelled to finish one performance properly as soon as possible to find some peace.

“Alright."

I spent a long time in the dark, lightless hospital room, looking out the window before picking up my phone. I browsed through the articles about me and the additional updates from YMM about my condition, then buried my face in my hands.

It was such a painfully familiar night. As I felt gloomy, I whimsically sang my part in “Parade" and lay down. It was strange. ‘Why do tears come just by lying down?’ I eventually drifted off to sleep with my swollen eyes tightly shut.

***

That night, I had another nightmare.

Bang!

The falling lights filled my vision, and the pain on my face was excruciating.

'If you want this life to be yours...'

Bandages were wrapped all over my face and upper body. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness. I woke up to scream, then fainted again. No matter how much I cried out, my lost face didn't return. Each time I returned to consciousness, my family was crying, and the members looked at me with hollow eyes as if they had grown gaunt in the meantime.

I wasn't dead yet, but their gazes made me feel like I was being seen as a dead person. I hated and suffered from this so much. Even though I was in pain, I was still alive, albeit ambiguously so.

When everyone had left late at night, waking up meant shivering in the horrendous pain and loneliness of the dark hospital room, only to lose consciousness again. That was me in my horrific memories.

'If you want this life to be yours.'

The whispering voice erased all the miserable scenes after showing me the painful past, and instead clearly told me what I needed to do.

[The second condition: Overcome.]