QT: Don't fall in love with the Male Lead

Chapter 197: Don't go into the unknown [END WORLD 9]

Xi Zirui can barely sleep for most of the night leading up to the tribulation.

He pays one last visit to Li Siqi -- sans Bai Mi -- who confirms she recommended the book to his grandfather, who didn't raise any concerns about her suggestion.

Even with some of his fears assuaged, sleep doesn't come.

Xi Zirui tosses and turns the entire night, feeling so anxious as to grind his teeth.

He's terrified of what awaits him tomorrow.

What he read from the book wasn't terribly detailed. He just knows that Han Yu was the son of a cultivation sect leader in his first life. 

That's very little information, and opens up room for so many questions.

What Han Yu did he fall in love with?

How can he be sure that the Han Yu he meets in the tribulation is the same that was transported through the Transmigrator 4000 in the first way around?

It stands to reason that he would do everything in his power to find his way back to Han Yu after meeting him in the tribulation, and that he would want to be with the Han Yu he originally met, not with any random reincarnation.

He thinks he might have used the book of Han Yu's fate as a sort of blueprint, for the Transmigrator 4000's 'travels', since the events more or less match with each world, even if the timelines don't exactly line up.

His only question is how.

A mechanical chime startles him out of his thoughts.

"Host needs to take it one step at a time," Ni Ni says, voice oddly soft in the quiet of Xi Zirui's childhood room. "Ni Ni won't be able to accompany Host in this next journey."

Any sleep Xi Zirui has managed to work up to vanishes in an instant. "Why not?"

He's not as if he thinks Ni Ni has been especially useful lately, he feels too suspicious of her to trust her wholeheartedly, but she has helped him out of some complicated situations in the past.

Besides, he has grown used to her ubiquitous presence in his mind. It will be odd to feel the space she occupies at the back of his mind empty, after all this time.

"A tribulation isn't like the Transmigrator 4000's worlds, Ni Ni can't reach Host there, the system won't work." There's genuine regret in her mechanical voice, and Xi Zirui wonders if hasn't judged her too harshly. "If Host truly won't have any memories it will be really tough. Host needs to try and rest."

That's easier said than done, especially after he revelation.

He falls back on the sheets with a sigh. "Ni Ni, I'm scared," he says looking into the the high ceiling above his head.

"Ni Ni knows, the unknown is always scary."

Xi Zirui closes his eyes, and considers how much easier it was to hop onto the next world with the knowledge that he would have Ni Ni with him, to show him the way.

The unknown truly is terrifying. For once, he has no idea of which life he'll be inhabiting, or even of who he'll be to Han Yu.

"Thank you," he whispers, not addressing Ni Ni directly, speaking the words into the echoing walls. "And goodbye."

---

It's his mother who comes to wake him up the next morning, drifting into his room like the morning breeze.

She smiles warmly at seeing the circles under his eyes and the tightness around his lips.

"No need to be scared," she coos, cupping his jaw. "My son is a big boy, now."

He gets dressed in the robes Lei Zu chooses for him and lets her do his hair up, sitting down patiently in front of the vanity as she does this and that to his long hair, before just tying it all in a high pony tail.

"So handsome," she says, kissing one side of his face and smiling at their joined reflection in the gold mirror. "So beautiful," she says, kissing his other cheek.

She holds out her hand to him and he takes it, letting her pull him out of his seat as if he were much younger.

He understands that his mother is in the mood to pamper him, he doesn't mind indulging her. 

Xi Zirui runs the fingers of his free hand through the smooth strands of his tail and considers how on his first trip with the Transmigrator 4000 he was so unused to long hair that it took him weeks to get used to his character's wig.

In reality, he has had long hair for as long as he can remember.

It's going to be like that in the tribulation too. He's going to forget everyone he knows. Forget who he is.

He's going to forget Han Yu, too, but hopefully that will be only a necessary step in the road towards their life together.

"You're shaking, darling," his mother says, giving him an encouraging smile over the shoulder. "We're almost there, don't let your grandfather intimidate you."

Xi Zirui just nods and lets himself be led.

It's striking how someone like Lei Zu managed to have two children that don't resemble her in any way.

Their fathers are anonymous, destined by the book of Fates not to be a part of their lives, but Xi Zirui often wondered, and wonders now too, how much he and Bai Mi owe them for their personalities.

Lei Zu is like a butterfly, happy to go from flower to flower without ever thinking about the one she left behind, but both Xi Zirui and Bai Mi have a strong desire to carve a space for themselves.

A desire for permanence.

Xi Zirui always thought he was looking for a place that suited him better than the heavenly realm, but he knows now that he was waiting for a person.

And he's going to get him back.

---

The viewing platform over the waterfall that springs from the high plateau where the Jade Palace sits, is packed full of gods who have come to send Xi Zirui off and share their best wishes.

At least that's probably what they're telling themselves, more of them can barely contain their schadenfreude at seeing Xi Zirui, local nuisance, be put in his place.

The crowd parts for him with expectant smiles, and Xi Zirui makes his way towards his grandfather, who his waiting for him on top of a raised platform, his hands clasped behind his back soberly.

Xi Zirui kneels at his feet, his head bowed in silent penitence.

The Jade Emperor nods once at Xi Zirui's appropriate display of humility, and then addresses the gathered crowd:

"We have previously established that Xi Zirui would embark on a tribulation to the mortal realm, to experience four of the eight sufferings: the suffering of having to part from loved ones, the suffering of having to meet with foes, the suffering of being unable to obtain what one desires, and the suffering arising from the flesh and the mind."

Xi Zirui remains still as his grandfather's voice resonates through the marbled platform.

"Rise," the Jade Emperor bids, and Xi Zirui obeys.

His grandfather looks him the eyes, sizing him up, and for once his face smooths over in an uncharacteristic smile.

He nods towards his wife, and the Empress approaches Xi Zirui with a bowl with a clear liquid, her smile pleasant and neutral.

Xi Zirui takes the bowl from her hands, and closes his eyes before drinking.

There. No going back now.

His grandmother wraps her arms around him, shocking him into opening his eyes. "You worried so much about where you'd be sent, that you never considered who you would be," she whispers into his ear.

Xi Zirui tries to pull free of her embrace but she only holds him tighter. "I'm doing this for your own good. Maybe my warnings aren't enough, but experiencing the sting of the blade of human ignorance will enlighten you."

Xi Zirui is sure he's pale faced when he looks back at the crowd, after his grandmother finally lets go of him.

He sees several familiar faces among the gathered gods. Bai Mi is giving him a worried look, but tries to smile through the unusual strain on her features.

Su Xueyi's absence is glaring.

Xi Zirui can scarcely string two thoughts before the Jade Emperor is raising his hand towards him, and uttering, "Safe travels, may your Path be clear."

The next moment, everything goes dark.

---

The howling of the merciless winter wind is what wakes him up. He's very small and curled up on himself in the corner of a woodshed.

He knows his name is Xi Zirui and nothing else.

He looks around at the cramped and dirty space he now finds himself in, but doesn't recognize it, and has no memories of how he ended up there.

The cold seeps in through the loose wooden making Xi Zirui shiver. A red, fluffy tail wraps around his shoulders, enveloping him like a shawl.