Professor Vampire.

Chapter 214: Attack on public rest room

"Telling jokes?" Ron gave Harry a suspicious look and touched his forehead with his cake-cream drenched hand, "You're not running a fever, are you, Harry, saying such inexplicable things all of a sudden ... It's not like you have a fever, is it?"

"It's not me who wants a joke, it's Professor Dracula." Harry said breathlessly as he smacked away Ron's dirty, still cream-stained hand on his forehead, "I had to find a funny joke to get Professor Dracula in a good mood ..."

Harry told Hermione and Ron about visiting Hagrid today, about the trouble with Buckbeak, and about his own experience of going to seek Professor Dracula's help, but not being able to stop his mouth from pissing the professor off.

"Well ... it's really, really bumpy." Ron commented with a mixed face.

"How could anyone on the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures!" Hermione loudly chimed in for Hagrid, "Those people must have been trying to impress Malfoy and didn't dare not give Dumbledore face, so they had to go after a poor animal!"

"Yeah, that lesson was clearly Malfoy's own fault for disobeying Hagrid's instructions and having to pick on Buckbeak." Harry chimed in, "How else would Buckbeak, such a docile hawk-headed, horse-bodied, winged beast, have gone and attacked him for no reason?"

"Ugh, that's all that's interesting about that first lesson on protecting magical creatures." Ron sighed as well, "Hagrid seems to have taken a hit back there, and every class just dares us to feed those disgusting, slimy lake-lake Flobber caterpillars, it's just boring!"

Saying so, Ron suddenly seemed to think of something, and his eyes lit up fiercely.

"There, I've thought of a particularly funny joke!" He exclaimed as he heavily slapped his thigh.

Harry and Hermione both turned their expectant gazes to him.

If Ron could really come up with a good joke to impress Professor Dracula, then Harry's problem with doubling his homework after class and Buckbeak's complaint should be solved!

"Ahem." Ron cleared his throat very solemnly and said in a serious voice:

"The joke goes like this - there's a Slytherin graduate who joins the Death Eaters, and Lucius Malfoy, Malfoy's dad, is in charge of teaching him the rules and some of the knowledge of the Death Eaters.

Lucius Malfoy asked, 'Young man, what is it you want to come to us to learn?'

The Slytherin graduate said, 'I would like to learn about your heart and mouth, your masculinity and your head. On the one hand, you are so unbelievably obsequious and buttery to the Dark Lord that you can't wait to get down on your knees and lick his toes; on the other hand, you keep donating money to the Ministry of Magic, lying to the officials of the Ministry of Magic by saying that you joined the Death Eaters because you were controlled by the Soul Snatching Curse, and are actually loyal to the Minister of Magic!"

Lucius Malfoy raged, 'What are you babbling about? My Malfoys are all scrupulously honest and true to their word, willing to serve the Dark Lord, who has placed his trust in us, so how could we possibly be guilty of such a vice?'

The Slytherin graduate rejoiced and said excitedly, 'Yes, yes, that's what I'm going to learn!'"

...

Ron finished the joke and turned to Harry and Hermione, asking confidently, "How about that, was that funny enough?"

Harry and Hermione looked at each other, and then couldn't hold it back any longer, and involuntarily fell on the table, letting out a loud laugh.

"Hahahahaha ... I can't, Ron, you're a genius!" Harry laughed so hard that tears came out of his eyes, removing his glasses and wiping the corners of his eyes, "Hahahaha ... This joke must be heard by Professor Dracula, Buckbeak is saved!"

Hermione was a little more reserved, but no better than Harry.

"Pfft ... You're too damaged, Ron!" She covered her mouth, the corners of her eyes curved, her messy hair bouncing with laughter, "I'm sure Malfoy would kill you if he heard that."

"It was a fluke, I just happened to think of that joke when I was about to scold Malfoy too." Ron's mouth was modest, but his eyebrows were about to rise to the sky.

The joke might not have been that funny to anyone else, but the fact that the joke was about their nemesis, Malfoy, made it quite funny.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione laughed uncontrollably, causing the other young Gryffindor wizards around them to come up to them and ask them what had happened to make them so happy.

Ron wasted no time in working his joke over again, telling it with a raised eyebrow to all the young wizards who came up to him.

Soon enough, the joke about Malfoy had spread all over the Gryffindor table, and even some of the young wizards at the Ravenclaw table next door, and even at the Hufflepuff table, which was quite a distance away, had heard about it.

Just as the three young wizards were getting over laughing and slowly stopping, an unexpected visitor arrived at the Gryffindor long table.

"Potter! Wes come! I knew it was you two jerks again!" A familiar voice rang in the trio's ears, "I'm going to kill you!"

Harry and Ron stopped laughing and turned their heads to see three very tall Dementors wearing black cloaks and hoods standing in front of them.

The first Dementor, who was wearing shoes with high heels to show his height, was looking at them angrily and pulled his wand out of his cloak.

"What the hell?" Ron looked at the three guys with a confused look on his face, "Have the dementors infiltrated into Hogwarts already?"

"Ron, what Dementor have you ever seen with a wand!" Hermione gave Ron a blank look and pointed out the true nature of the three Dementors, "This must be Malfoy and his two henchmen, I'm afraid they're dressed like this to scare Harry."

Hearing Hermione's explanation, Harry looked carefully at the three Dementors in front of him.

To be honest, when he first saw them, he was actually a bit scared, because the psychological shadow that the Dementors had caused to him before was really a bit serious.

However, the three "Dementors" played by Malfoy and his two followers didn't give him the unique dark feeling of Dementors, nor did they have the effect of causing him to fall into a fainting spell or hallucinate, so it was easy to tell that they weren't really Dementors.

Harry looked up and saw hundreds of pumpkin lights hanging in the auditorium, as well as a swarm of winged flying bats and a number of flame-spewing orange streamers that floated lazily below the ceiling like brilliant water snakes.

He then remembered that tonight was All Hallows' Eve, and many of the young wizards at the dinner party would be dressed as elves and ghosts to scare people.

It seemed that Malfoy was trying to scare Harry by dressing up as a dementor, but he didn't realize that he had just heard a joke about his own family, so in his anger, he revealed his "identity" and immediately drew his wand and prepared to duel with Harry.

"What's wrong with the joke we told?" Harry looked askance at Malfoy, who was wearing a hood and a black cloak, and said provocatively, "Isn't that how your family behaves?"

Malfoy was shaking with anger and a bad spell came out of his mouth:

"Flipendo (full speed knockout)!"

Harry drew his wand at the same time, ready to strike back.

The next moment, however, another red-haired figure stepped in front of him.

"Armor Protector (Protego)."

A transparent barrier blocked Malfoy's knockback spell, and behind the barrier was the serious face of Percy Weasley.

"Use of magic in the auditorium during non-dueling club hours, disrupting the dinner, and sneaking up on a fellow student ... Draco Malfoy has violated several disciplinary rules, ten points deducted for Slytherin!" Percy said with a straight face.

"They scolded me first!" Malfoy shouted defiantly, "Weasley, you're showing favoritism to Gryffindors!"

"If you're not convinced you can have your Head of Grade come over to me." Percy held his head up proudly while rubbing his hand over the Student Council President's badge on his chest, "Just tell them that the President of the Hogwarts Student Council wants to talk to them!"

Malfoy, no more confident than he was, didn't think he could beat the seventh year Student Council President with himself and his two followers, and left the scene with hatred.

Before he left, he gave a stern message as per the old routine, "Just you wait, I'll make sure my dad fix you guys!"

They hadn't gotten very far, however, when they saw two twins wearing pumpkin heads and dressed as pumpkin-headed knights coming up to them, mouthing another joke-

"George, why do I feel a little tummy ache?" Fred, the pumpkin head, asked the other pumpkin head.

"Sit down and eat something and you'll be fine," George said, "Your tummy hurts because it's empty, eat something and you'll be fine."

"So that's what it is," Fred nodded in realization, "Then it looks to me like this Mr. Malfoy has a headache, why is that?"

"A headache because his head is empty, of course," George said with a smirk, "Put something inside an empty head and you'll be fine!"

"Eh, don't say that, George." Fred waved his hand groggily, "Wouldn't it be brain-dead if what you put inside your head was water?"

"Ah, I was thinking out of the box." George winked, "Thanks for the reminder, Fred."

The two then turned their eyes to Malfoy together, grinning playfully and looking very beaten up.

Malfoy was on the verge of tears of exasperation, but with the Student Council President next to him and the two troublemakers being family, all he could do was to give the two men another vicious glare before fleeing and darting back to Slytherin's seat.

After solving Malfoy's problem, the pumpkin-headed twins cheered and popped up to Percy, one of the two patting Percy on the shoulder.

"Percy, well done! You definitely had the best looking day we've ever seen!" They exclaimed, "We didn't realize before that you could actually have such a likable day."

"I'm not favoring the Gryffindors, I'm just doing my duty as student body president." Percy blushed as if he had gone a little red.

He squared his collar, which had been messed up by the twins' patting, and changed the subject, "Are you two even going to fight to eat, or are you going to get rid of those two silly pumpkin heads!"

...

The food at the Halloween dinner was as scrumptious as ever, and with the little interlude in the middle of it, Harry had a great time eating.

Hermione and Ron, despite having already filled their bellies at Hogsmeade, couldn't resist asking for two of every dish, and ended up holding out until they could barely walk before stopping to join Harry back in the Gryffindor common room.

The three made plans to go together the next day to tell their jokes to Professor Dracula and said goodbye to each other at the entrance to the steps on the side of the common room.

"Goodnight, Hermione." Harry and Ron waved at Hermione.

"Goodnight, Harry. Goodnight, Ron." Hermione yawned and waved lazily.

At night, Harry had a rare good dream after his encounter with the Dementors.

In his peaceful and wonderful dream, he seemed to see his parents smiling at him as he rode a tiny flying broomstick around a cradle.

Then ...

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-! No no no no no no no no--!"

The beautiful dream was interrupted when Harry was suddenly awakened by a scream. He rubbed his brow, his mind still on that wonderful dream from earlier.

It was pitch black all around him and he was completely disoriented, only able to feel for the curtains around the bed.

There seemed to be other movement around him as well, the voice of his other roommate, Seymour Finnegan, came from the other end of the room.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

Harry heard the dormitory door slam shut and wondered who had gone out.

He then finally found the opening in the bed curtains and pulled it open as soon as he could, at the same time the other roommate, Dean Thomas, lit the lamp.

Ron sat up in his bed, a look of extreme terror on his face.

His bed curtains had been ripped aside, and his bed was tossed about as if there were a few ragged holes in the top of the mattress.

"Blake! Sirius Blake! Take a knife!" Ron shouted incoherently.

"What?" Harry's mouth dropped open.

"Right here! Just now!" Ron shouted, "He scratched the bed curtain! It woke me up!"

"Are you sure you weren't dreaming, Ron?" Dean Thomas asked.

"Look at that bed curtain! I'm telling you, he was just here!" Ron's expression was still very much in shock, "He flipped my bed while I was sleeping and stuck a couple holes in it!"

They immediately sobered up and moved to climb out of bed.

Harry was the first to the dormitory door and ran down the stairs at full speed in his pajamas. At the same time, the doors behind them opened one by one and many sleepy voices glared at them.

"Who was that yelling just now?"

"Ouch, what are you doing?"

The afterglow from the fireplace lit up the common room, which was empty, and there was no sign of Sirius Black.

"Surely you weren't dreaming, Ron?" Hermione poked her head out of the top of the stairs in her pajamas, confused, "Oh Crookshanks, come to me."

She saw her hybrid cat, Beaver, catwalking over the common room doorway towards the inside, probably trying to go out and wander around at night.

"I'm telling you, I saw him!" Ron exclaimed forcefully, "Absolutely right, a figure that big standing in front of me, definitely Sirius Black as printed in the paper!"

"What's with all the noise?"

"What's going on?"

A few more girls came down the stairs, draped in their robes and yawning.

The boys appeared one by one as well, all woken up by Ron.

"Awesome, does little Rollo want to have another Halloween dinner?" Fred said cheerfully.

"Everyone back upstairs!" Percy glared at Fred.

He was busy rushing to the common room, pinning his Boys' Student Council President's badge to his pajamas as he talked.

"Percy! Sirius Black!" Ron's voice was hoarse, "In our dormitory! With a knife! Wake me up!"

The common room was silent.

"Bullshit!" Percy said, looking stunned as well. "You ate too much, Ron, and had a nightmare ..."

"I'm telling you-"

The two men argued, one adamant in his disbelief that Sirius Black had been in the common room, the other trying to prove in every way possible that he had actually seen the infamous and wanted criminal.

A few minutes later, Professor McGonagall was also startled and entered inside the common room through the doorway side.

As soon as she entered the common room she slammed the doorway on the portrait behind her and looked around angrily.

"I can hear your noise from the second floor, are you trying to revolt by staying up all night?" Professor McGonagall exclaimed and looked to the student body president, "Percy, I was counting on you to do better!"

"I sure as hell didn't tell them to do that, Professor!" Percy said with righteous indignation, "I'm telling them all to go back to bed! My brother Ron had a nightmare ..."

"Not a nightmare!" Ron shouted forcefully, "Professor, I woke up and Sirius Black was standing in front of me with a knife!"

Professor McGonagall looked at him with wide eyes, "Don't make a fool of yourself, Weasley. How did he get past our portraits?"

"Ask him!" Ron pointed a trembling finger toward Sir Cadogan's portrait, "You can ask him if he saw it!"

Professor McGonagall gave Ron a skeptical look and walked over to turn the portrait over so that Sir Cadogan was facing the inside of the Common Room.

The entire common room held its breath.

"Sir Cadogan, did you just let a man walk into the Gryffindor tower?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Of course, ma'am!" Sir Cadogan said rightfully.

The Gryffindor students were stunned speechless, their eyes on the verge of glaring out of their sockets.

They felt a pang of fear, with the young wizards in the same dormitory as Ron shivering up a storm.

If Ron wasn't having a nightmare, and the person standing at the head of his bed was really Sirius Black, that murderous and wanted criminal, did that mean that the several of them had a brush with death?

"Did you ... you really open the door?" Professor McGonagall also broke out in a cold sweat and asked sternly, "But ... but what about the password for the common room? How can you let someone in and out without the passphrase!"

"He has the gag!" Sir Cadogan said confidently as he brandished his knightly sword, "The man has had the gag all week, ma'am! It was read from a little slip of paper!"