President, Our Egg Is Lost

Chapter Sixty-Three: Never! Get! Pregnant! Again!

Ji XiaoYu took a bath to wash off his son’s pee. When he finished washing, he saw that Cheng PaoPao had been dressed in a little outfit, with a diaper covering his little butt too. He was crawling back and forth on the carpet in the room, moving quickly. Cheng YuTang handed him a rattle and he rolled over to sit up and grasp it in his hand, then he rattled it happily.

Ji XiaoYu still wanted to spank his son’s butt, but right now he was as happy as any silly daddy with his head in the clouds, heh heh, my son is so smart, he’s just so cute!

Father and Mother Cheng were also sitting off to the side, watching, their eyes fixed on him like children watching a giant panda on TV.

Father Cheng also boasted, “Our family’s PaoPao is so capable, not like a newborn baby at all.”

Mother Cheng sighed and said, “Isn’t that true? He looks like a 6-month-old little doll, but he’s much smarter than an average kid that age.” After a pause, she asked Cheng YuTang, “TangTang, you and XiaoYu suddenly having a son this old, how will you explain it to outsiders?”

Cheng YuTang had considered this question long ago. “We’ll say that XiaoYu and I had a baby through a special kind of technology. I’ve already prepared the birth certificate and other related documents, guaranteed to be foolproof. No one will find anything wrong.”

Assured, Mother Cheng said, “That’s good.”

Thinking for a few moments, Father Cheng said, “Why don’t we hold a 6-month celebration for PaoPao in a few days? Let’s officially hold it with some relatives and friends, to save them from hearing rumors and guessing. Otherwise, PaoPao won’t grow up well in the future. What do you all think?”

Ji XiaoYu was indifferent, he had no opinion on the matter and so looked at PaoPao’s father.

Cheng YuTang said happily, “Dad, you’re very thoughtful, we’ll do as you said.”

Cheng PaoPao suddenly crawled up to his dad, grabbing one of his fingers and stuffing it into his mouth. But he wasn’t teething yet, so he could only gnaw and lick his dad’s finger all over.

Ticklish, Ji XiaoYu laughed and quickly pulled his finger out.

Cheng PaoPao was unrelenting, his pair of chubby hands tugging on his clothes as he climbed up his body, arching along like a big fat worm.

In confusion, Ji XiaoYu said, “PaoPao, what are you looking for? Daddy doesn’t have any toys.”

Cheng PaoPao put his little head on his chest, chattering but not able to communicate.

Mother Cheng covered her smiling lips and said, “I’m afraid that PaoPao is hungry, looking for milk to drink.”

Ji XiaoYu instantly flushed and he shoved PaoPao out to the full length of his arms towards a certain someone who had a smile in his eyes. He said with exasperation, “I don’t have milk, go find your father!”

Cheng YuTang pinched his ears and then got up to get his hungry son some milk powder.

Mother Cheng had prepared a large bottle, so she quickly rushed over with 200 ml of milk, then instructed, “TangTang, hold PaoPao with one arm, so his head is higher than his body and don’t shake him when he’s nursing.”

Cheng YuTang went along as he held his son, then he took the bottle and put the plastic nipple on his lips, saying softly, “PaoPao, drink the milk.”

Cheng PaoPao pulled the plastic nipple into his mouth and gulped hard, gurgling rang out immediately.

Father Cheng praised, “Our PaoPao is really energetic, what a strong boy!”

Ji XiaoYu secretly puffed up his chest, that’s wrong, my son is still really inferior, he needs to submit to me!

In the twinkling of an eye, the large bottle of milk was drunk, but Cheng PaoPao didn’t seem to be full yet, sucking on the empty bottle and then whining in dissatisfaction.

Mother Cheng rushed to get another bottle and Cheng PaoPao rudely drank it, but this time he didn’t stop and whine.

Mother Cheng instructed again, “TangTang, hold Cheng PaoPao upright and put him on your shoulder, then pat his back.”

Cheng YuTang once again did as he was told. After patting for a while, Cheng PaoPao let out a loud hiccup with an “uh” sound.

“Good, good, he’s comfortable now.” Mother Cheng smiled. “I can see that our PaoPao is so strong, I’m afraid that it isn’t enough for him to just drink milk. He needs some supplementary food. Next time, I’ll make him some rice paste and we can give him some juice or something.”

These words made Ji XiaoYu lament, it really isn’t easy to raise a child, Grandpa Hou didn’t lie to me.

But he had Mother Cheng’s experience and PaoPao’s father’s help and strength, otherwise, if he had to do it all himself, he would be so busy.

It was only at night that he realized that these previous struggles were nothing and that real test was here.

While they were eating dinner, Mother Cheng also said that the older couple would help them with their PaoPao at night too. Ji XiaoYu didn’t want to make the old people work hard day and night and get tired, so he patted his chest and assured them that he would have absolutely no problems. Mother Cheng couldn’t persuade him so she had to agree.

At 8:30pm, the husbands worked together to give Cheng PaoPao a bath.

When Cheng PaoPao had been still in the shape of a chick, he had liked to play with water. When it rained, a small puddle formed in the yard and he would step in it and play for a long time. On several occasions, he had also tried to jump into the water lily pool in the corner of the courtyard, where he had almost drowned. So, for the sake of safety, Father Cheng had had to fill the pool with soil and had planted a begonia tree.

He was even more overjoyed now. After sitting in the tub, he got restless and he kept slapping the water and watching his two daddies getting water splashed all over their faces. As a result, the bath became a shower and the family of three were all soaked. The bathroom became just like the legendary city flooded with water.

After Cheng PaoPao was bathed, he refused to come out. He wouldn’t let go of the bathtub, so the two husbands had to let him play for an extra 15 minutes. Then, they forced him out and wiped down his little body.

Cheng PaoPao hadn’t played enough. He wrinkled up his little face unhappily, making little protesting “mm mm” noises with his mouth.

“You played in there long enough. When you grow up, you can learn to swim in a pool.” Ji XiaoYu put his naked son on the bed and gently tapped his forehead.

Cheng YuTang was just about to put a diaper on Cheng PaoPao, when there was a sound of “tululu” beneath the little guy’s butt and then there was a pile of soft gold on the bed. The bedroom was filled with a unique scent, which could be called crisply sour.

The two husbands: “……”

Ji XiaoYu covered his nose and said indignantly, “This bad little egg, he didn’t poop in the bathroom just now, but pooped as soon as he was put on the bed, this is clearly a deliberate mess! And just great, the sheets that were changed yesterday have to be changed again today!”

“I’ll change them, blame me for not putting the changing pad on the bed beforehand,” Cheng YuTang laughed helplessly, “PaoPao is still little, there’s no way he can control his own processes. When he grows up some, it’ll be fine.”

So Cheng YuTang changed the sheets and Ji XiaoYu had to wash the little guy’s butt again. Then he spread out the changing pad and put on the diaper.

Ji XiaoYu had always thought he was very smart and that he learned everything quickly. But today, under Mother Cheng’s guidance, he had changed Cheng PaoPao’s diaper twice, but he was still bad at it. Mainly because the bad little egg didn’t cooperate at all, twisting his butt and kicking, so that the diaper that was just secured opened back up.

He got sweaty after all the struggle but finally wrapped him up. Then he put his little clothes on him and he became a clean, beautiful little baby.

At 9:30pm, Cheng YuTang fed Cheng PaoPao a bottle of milk. After burping him, he put their son in the crib next to their big bed and sang a lullaby, “Sleep well, little baby, how beautiful the blue night sky is, the little stars are twinkling, accompany you to sleep peacefully……”

Cheng PaoPao had slept for two hours in the afternoon, so he listened happily with a pair of bright, shiny eyes for the moment, occasionally babbling and humming a few times.

Ji XiaoYu was lying on the big bed, happy to listen too. His child’s father’s voice was magnetic and deep and soft, very pleasant. In the popular internet slang, it could make someone’s ears pregnant, heh heh.

After Cheng YuTang sang the song slowly, Cheng PaoPao yawned, his eyes half-closed, looking like he was about to fall asleep.

At this time, his cell phone suddenly rang, a call from an executive of the company. At this time of night, it was probably something important, so Ji XiaoYu signaled for him to go out and answer it with a gesture and he would then coax their son to sleep.

After Cheng YuTang went out, Ji XiaoYu opened his mouth and sang the song he was most familiar with: “You are my little apple, my love for you will never be enough, your little reddish cheeks warm my heart, they light up the fire, fire, fire, fire in my life…”

“Ah, ah, wuwu, wa!”

Originally a little drowsy, Cheng PaoPao suddenly opened his eyes wide, screaming and waving his arms and kicking his legs, as if accompanying him.

Ji XiaoYu thought darkly that he had a bad voice, so he quickly abandoned the “Little Apple” song and stutteringly sang the lullaby that PaoPao’s father had just sung.

However, it didn’t work. The more he sang to Cheng PaoPao, the more spirited he was. Halfway through the song, he even moved around a bit. He used his hands and feet to climb over the railing of the crib and crawl across the big bed. Not paying attention, he almost fell.

Ji XiaoYu had no choice but to hold his son on the big bed. Pointing at his nose in displeasure, he said, “Cheng PaoPao, what are you doing in your daddy and father’s bed, why not quickly go to sleep?!”

Cheng PaoPao naturally couldn’t answer. He just crawled up and down on the big bed with great interest, sniffing here and there like a puppy. After a while, he climbed up to the side of the pillows, who knew how he reached out and happened to grab from under the pillow a box with little bananas on it. He waved it around in excitement like a rattle.

With a hot face, Ji XiaoYu quickly grabbed the box of little bananas, saying with a pout, “Bad little egg, this isn’t a toy, it can’t be moved from here, okay?”

Cheng YuTang was considerate now that he was carrying a second egg, using less energy than before and using a condom when they made love at night, so that it would take less time to clean up afterwards.

Cheng PaoPao wasn’t happy, struggling to reach out his fat little hand and grab the little bananas back. Ji XiaoYu certainly couldn’t give it him, so he could only get out of bed and bring a bunch of toys up in exchange.

Distracted, Cheng PaoPao no longer clung to the little bananas, instead tinkering with the pile of toys.

Two hours later, when Cheng YuTang had finished the call and had handled the urgent official business, he returned to the bedroom with a stack of faxed documents. When he came in, he couldn’t help but laugh. Cheng PaoPao was sitting on the big bed, gnawing at a baby chew toy with relish and PaoPao’s dad was laying across the edge of the bed to block him in, already asleep, with one leg having fallen off the bed so he looked like he was about to roll off at any moment.

He stepped forward and picked up PaoPao’s dad, moving him onto the bed properly. Ji XiaoYu opened his eyes as he woke up, yawning and asking, “TangTang, what time is it?”

“It’s almost midnight.” Cheng YuTang leaned over and touched his head. “Baby, go back to sleep, I’ll watch PaoPao.”

Cheng PaoPao heard his name and immediately crawled over. He squeezed between the two people and patted Ji XiaoYu’s head with a grin, then hit there again.

With a headache, Ji XiaoYu said, “It’s so late, why is this little brat still awake?”

“Probably because it was exciting to transform for the first time.” Cheng YuTang smiled, “It’s okay, you go to sleep. I’m not sleepy and I have just a few documents to look at.”

Although he had been at home on vacation, he still had to do his official duties. However, Cheng YuTang had to accompany his parents and loved ones during the day, so he basically had no spare time and he could only pile up most things to deal with in the evenings. Ji XiaoYu occasionally woke up from a dream in the middle of the night, and he would see that PaoPao’s father wasn’t asleep, still sitting on the bedside with the lights on.

Ji XiaoYu took the initiative to hug the man’s neck, pressing a hard kiss to his face. With a bit of an aching heart, he said, “My child’s father, you’re working too hard, how can your body keep going like this?”

Cheng YuTang clasped the back of his head and returned the deep kiss. After more than ten seconds, he let the man go and said softly, “It’s not difficult with you by my side, doing whatever to make you happy – Baby, rest assured, I didn’t say that just to coax you, I really don’t feel tired. Ever since we got together, I feel that my physical body and energy have improved a lot and I’ve been thinking more clearly. Even if I stay up late at night, I don’t feel sleepy. You really are my little lucky star.”

Ji XiaoYu was both happy and confused, “Why is that? We’re in opposing situations. Did my energy transfer to you?”

Cheng YuTang was about to respond when Cheng PaoPao, who was unhappy to be left out, cried out and interrupted him. He pulled himself into his lap to exert his presence.

Cheng YuTang kissed the little guy on the forehead. “Sweet PaoPao, you’re also Father’s little lucky star.”

Cheng PaoPao was satisfied, lying between the two men and opening his little mouth in yawn, his chubby hand instead grabbing his daddy’s little finger.

Ji XiaoYu’s heart felt tender, so he held his hand back. Cheng YuTang covered the little one for him with a thin blanket and once again sang the lullaby.

Not even a minute later, Cheng PaoPao closed his eyes and fell asleep, sleeping quietly like a little angel.

Ji XiaoYu breathed a sigh of relief, he’s finally sleeping soundly.

But with their son sleeping in the middle of the big bed, the husbands’ jokingly so-called ‘outside of the three meals of day: nighttime snack,’ that is, the nightly routine of “leisure activities” before bed wouldn’t be easy.

Cheng YuTang saw at a glance what he was thinking with his brow furrowed, so he chuckled lowly and whispered, “Darling, go to sleep like this today and I’ll make it up for you by doing it twice tomorrow.”

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t make up, a little abstinence is good for your health,” Ji XiaoYu’s face got hot, as he pretended to be solemn. He said, “My child’s father, go to sleep early after reading the documents.”

“Yes, sir, my child’s dad.”

At 3am, as the husbands were sleeping soundly, they were suddenly awakened by a scream of “wuwuwu”.

Cheng YuTang turned on the bedside lamp and saw Cheng PaoPao lying between them with his eyes and mouth open, waving his little arms and legs. The little guy wasn’t crying, but his screaming voice was really loud in the stillness of the night. Cheng YuTang quickly patted him to soothe him, but it didn’t work.

Ji XiaoYu rubbed his eyes and asked sleepily, “What happened to our son? Did he have a nightmare?”

Cheng YuTang said, “Probably not, I’d guess he’s hungry.”

“Oh, how troublesome……” Ji XiaoYu muttered.

He remembered that during the day, Mother Cheng had said that a baby who was under a year old would have to eat several meals a day and would probably wake up hungry at night and need to nurse.

“It’s alright, go back to sleep, I’ll feed PaoPao,” as he spoke, Cheng YuTang go out of bed and, after a while, rushed back with a large bottle of milk. He picked up Cheng PaoPao and fed him.

Cheng PaoPao immediately stopped screaming, pulling the nipple into his mouth to drink.

After he drank the whole bottle of milk and burped again in his arms, Cheng YuTang returned their son to the bed, then turned off the light and lay down.

As a result, three minutes later, when Ji XiaoYu was about to see the god of dreams again, he heard a muffled puff in Cheng PaoPao’s diaper. And then a sour scent filled the air.

Ji XiaoYu: “……”

Cheng YuTang once again turned on the lights and joked, “Our family’s PaoPao will eat more and poop more, how else could he grow so fast?”

Ji XiaoYu thought, raising a child is really horrifying. Just imagining also having the one in my stomach is giving me a headache.

After the birth of ErBao, he would resolutely use contraception and never! get! pregnant! again!

—

Footnotes:

1. a city flooded with water (水漫金山): a saying based off the story of the legend of the White Snake, where a certain city/mountain (Jinshan) was flooded

—

long live the little bananas!