Kitsune in the Shadows

Chapter 61 – Putting Off the Decision

“I can’t believe I did that,” I mumbled as I buried my face in my pillow.

It had been a few minutes since I had woken up, but the memories of what I had done in the morning were already flooding my mind.

I asked about leaving.

Ava heard Ovia talking to me.

Ovia got the necklace taken away.

I… I even let Ava call me her… her little sister…

…

Why did you do that Kierra?!

You know that-

‘H-Hello Kierra’

My thoughts were immediately cut off by Ovia’s voice.

‘I-I’m sorry for this morning…’

‘Sorry for what?’ I asked.

‘F-for everything… for trying to talk to you when I could have seen that someone was touching the necklace… for bringing up the n-note… for n-not letting you go back to sleep…’

‘But that’s-’

‘I’m going to stop you there, little kitsune,’ Suddenly Aria’s voice took over, ‘I’m the one who told her to apologise. It was one of the conditions I gave her for me to give the necklace back. Sister needs to learn some moderation.’

‘… Okay…’

There was a certain sternness in Aria’s voice that stopped me from even attempting to say anything back to her.

What she did wasn’t that bad…

And it only happened once…

…

And it’s true that it’s not entirely her fault…

I should’ve told Ovia that I was getting tired…

Shouldn’t I also be getting complained at?

‘Well, as part of me helping her to learn moderation, I’m going to be spending the day with her,’ The tone of Aria’s voice changed completely from stern to strangely cheerful, ‘Spending the whole day with my arm wrapped around Sister so I can check on what she’s saying.’

It felt like I wasn’t supposed to hear that last part… yet… something about it ended up stuck in my mind.

Sister…

…

Is that what sisters are supposed to be like?

…

Am I like that with Ava?…

…

I don’t know…

But…

…

It seems… nice…

‘Alright, Sister and I will give you some space now. Your two friends are out there waiting for you to leave your room. And, just a little piece of advice from me, this is probably a good time for you to bring up the note you received. You have already asked one of them, so it would be best for you to ask the other one soon while you still have it fresh in your mind.’

‘G-good luck Kierra!’ Ovia chimed in.

With those good wishes, my mind once again fell silent.

…

Aria… has never given me bad advice before…

…

I pushed myself up, quickly smoothing over the impression left on my pillow from my face. Then, as if on cue, a loud rumble came from my stomach.

…

Ava did say she would have breakfast ready…

Hopefully, I didn’t miss it…

I slid myself out of bed, finally removing my dress from the day before and putting on a new set of clothes. They were just a simple shirt and a comfortable pair of shorts. As soon as I was dressed, I stepped out of my room, finding Raynelle sitting at the table, along with being able to hear some noise coming from the kitchen.

“Morning sleepy head!” Raynelle called out as soon as she laid eyes on me.

“Mmm,” I did little more than groan as I went and sat down next to her.

“Did something keep you up last night?” She asked, “You slept in till lunch, so I’m a little worried something was eating at you, be that literally or figuratively… actually… hope it wasn’t literally… I’m ashamed to admit that I’m not the best when it comes to little bugs.”

Ava really didn’t say anything about this morning…

“I’m okay… I just… didn’t notice the time…”

“Hmm? Well, we can’t have that. I guess tonight I’ll have to make sure you’re tucked in before I head off to sleep myself… or maybe…” She paused for a moment as she rocked back on her chair, “We could all sleep together tonight. It’s been a while since the last time we did. It feels like the two of you are slowly drifting away from me.”

I nodded my head.

“Guess it’s decided then,” She laughed, a large smile spreading across her face, “I’ll make sure to rope Ava in, so don’t worry about that part.”

“What exactly am I being roped into now?” Ava came out of the kitchen holding three plates of food.

On each of the plates was a large sandwich, so large that I didn’t think I would even be able to fit one of them in my mouth in order to take a proper bite.

“Oh, nothing much,” Raynelle called out to her while gesturing for her to sit, “Just making sure that Kierra gets enough sleep tonight.”

“Well, in that case, I would be glad to join,” Ava said as she set the plates down on the table before sitting down herself. “I need to make sure my little sister is taking care of herself after all.”

There was a brief silence in which it seemed Raynelle slowly processed Ava’s words.

“Wait! Little sister?!” Raynelle shouted, shooting up from her chair.

“Yes, my little sister,” Ava said smugly.

Raynelle fell back into her chair with a thud, “It seems like I only ever fall behind.”

…

What am I supposed to say?

…

…

I just tried to take a bite out of the sandwich Ava had prepared, hoping to just move on from the conversation. Deep down, I knew what I could have said at that moment… but could just isn’t the same as should.

Thankfully, both Ava and Raynelle also started eating rather than continuing to talk.

The sandwich was good, very good, not that it surprised me anymore. However, I was unfortunately right when I thought that I wouldn’t be able to take a proper bite… It was just too big for my jaw. Meaning that I was forced to take smaller, more awkward bites, though I didn’t mind it that much; although, it did mean that I was the last to finish eating.

The three of us just sat there for a moment as we gave our lunch some time to settle; however, that short period of silence was enough for my thoughts to start bubbling to the surface again.

Do I follow Aria’s advice?

I already know what Ava thinks…

…

But what do I do after asking the question?…

No matter what Raynelle says… where do I go?

What would she say?

What do I… even want her to say?…

…

I don’t… know…

…

“I… um… what…” I stumbled over my words a little as I impulsively tried to ask the question, “What if… I wanted to leave?… to leave this city?”

Somehow, I worked up enough courage to ask Raynelle. I knew that no matter what happened, everything was going to start with the question… and that putting off that question would do nothing but leave me thinking about what might happen for longer.

Contrary to my expectations, nothing happened… the room fell silent as time seemed to slow down around me.

Did I get ahead of myself?

What am I even trying to do?

I don’t even know if I want to follow that note.

Why am I making things more complicated?!

“Is this to do with you wanting to become an adventurer?” Raynelle asked, finally breaking me away from my thoughts.

“Y-yes,” I answered, deciding that it would be an easier explanation than bringing up the note, and it wasn’t entirely untrue that it played a part in it.

“Look…” Raynelle sighed, “I don’t have an issue with you wanting to leave. If anything, I would be happy that you were finally getting away from this awful place… but I don’t want you to become an adventurer. It’s… not a good path.”

“Why?”

Every time I brought up being an adventurer, Raynelle said something similar, yet she never gave me an explanation as to why… although this time she reacted a little differently.

“Well… being an adventurer is not what you think it is…” She started to explain, “‘Adventurer’ is nothing more than a job title, and it comes with a lot of… responsibilities is probably the right word. Being an adventurer means nothing more than being a labourer for a guild; you don’t get to go out, you don’t get to do what you want, everything is dictated to you… even when you can quit… It’s just not something worth putting yourself through.”

But…

What about Beni’s stories?…

What about your stories?…

“But-”

“But that isn’t to say there isn’t a way to do what you want to,” She interrupted me, “You could go around as a mercenary, a sell-sword. It’s not as stable as just being employed by a guild, but it would give you that freedom to do what you want… if that is what you want, of course.”

…

But that…

“… doesn’t answer the question…” I accidentally mumbled, covering my mouth as soon as I realised what I had said.

“Then tell me. What exactly is the question you want an answer to? I’ll do my best to give you an answer.”

…

…

“… If I wanted to leave… right now… What would you think?… What would you do?”

“I think I already told you what I think. I think it would be good for you to leave this place… to go somewhere where you don’t have to live hiding underneath a cloak. Honestly, I’m surprised you’ve stayed here as long as you have, though I do have a guess as to why. As for what I would do… If you decided to leave right now, right at this moment… I would stop you.”

Stop me?

I don’t understand…

You think it’s good for me to leave… but you would stop me?

…

And why… don’t I like that answer?…

…

“I would stop you because you’re not ready to leave,” She placed a hand firmly on my shoulder, “Do you know what you are going to eat? Do you know where you are going to sleep? Do you even know where you want to go? I wouldn’t let you leave until I was sure that you were prepared. But… if you were prepared… then I would make sure I was there to send you off with a smile.”

Send me off?

…

But…

“Wouldn’t you… come with?…” I asked as I realised what her words meant.

“Kierra…” Raynelle took a deep breath, “I would like to go with you… but just like you would be setting out on your own journey, I have my own. Originally, Casgolau was just going to be a one-night stop in that journey… on the way for me to… come to terms with things…”

Even without her explicitly telling me what she was talking about, my mind was immediately thrown back to the story she told me about her scars, and I couldn’t say anything.

“However, as soon as that came to an end… I would scour each and every continent looking for you. Though, hopefully, it won’t come to that. The world is a very big place, and I’m only one person,” She let out a little chuckle, immediately bringing the mood back up, “Maybe once you get out into the world, you’ll make a name for yourself. That would make it much easier for me to find where you were, right?”

…

After hearing what Raynelle had to say, I found myself feeling strangely giddy. Even though she said that she wouldn’t follow me, knowing that she would come looking for me made me a little happy.

“Why am I being left out here?” Ava chimed in, “Mom, you don’t have to worry about her food. Do you think her big sister is just going to let her starve out there?”

“I guess not,” Raynelle answered, chuckling again. However, this time, it felt a little forced, “So… should I take this conversation to mean the two of you are planning on setting out somewhere?… I’m not too surprised… I myself decided to strike out on my own when I was a little younger than the two of you…”

I nodded, not quite able to put together the right words but still wanting to respond.

“Well… do you have somewhere in mind?” She asked, her tone going back to normal, “If not, I can recommend some places.”

…

“Haelmor…” I answered sheepishly.

“Haelmor… so a port town… Well, funny enough, both Ava and I came through there when we arrived in human territory,” She leaned back in her chair, “It’s probably one of the better places for you to go too. You’ll get to see plenty of different species over there as they come in to trade, so you wouldn’t stand out as much… and if you wanted… you could leave this island and head for somewhere else… maybe find some other kitsune… though I myself wouldn’t be able to help you with that, unfortunately.”

Other kitsune…

…

It was an idea that I hadn’t really thought about very much. The only other kitsune I had ever met were Ovia and Aria, and they were enough. I never felt that I needed to meet any others.

“I can probably get you on an escort mission up there as mercenaries,” Raynelle continued talking, “There are almost no monsters in human territory since they pushed them off the island many years ago. There are just some wild animals and low-level bandits, but even that isn’t too common.”

…

Hearing Raynelle talk about how she could help me go there made the situation feel all the more real.

If I don’t say anything…

if I don’t stop this now…

I might… really be leaving this place…

“How about we do this?” Ava seemed to notice how I was feeling as she spoke up, “We spend the next, I don’t know… two weeks preparing, putting things together, making plans and whatever else needs to be done. Then, once things are all ready, we can make a decision. Does that sound like a good idea?”

…

I do need to prepare…

…

It would give me more time to think…

…

“Okay,” I responded, although I knew full well that all I was doing was trying to put making the actual decision off for just a little longer.

“At least that makes the plan for the day a little easier,” Raynelle stood up, “Come on then, let’s get you all kitted out and ready.”