Novel All
Chapter 324
Chapter 324
CHAPTER 324
I awoke against the cold, hard floor with eyes still bleary from having slept for so long. Again, I'd been bound by incessant nightmares, but they weren't about what lurked in our reflection within Distortion, just beyond our reach. These were far more typical. This was the third time I'd gone to sleep, and the third time I had been wrecked by nightmarish visions of Cecilia. I'd see things that had not happened, like her berating me before leaving and calling me worthless, all the way to her deciding that she'd be better off without me after spending months apart and finding fulfillment with another girl in Unova.
I felt sick. My stomach roiled, yet I hadn't eaten in so long nothing but acid came up my throat. My entire body hurt from having slept on the ground for this long. I glanced at the analog clock on the wall near the turn toward the living room and saw that it was three in the afternoon. Of the next day. I'd done nothing but lay there, drifting in and out of sleep for eighteen hours straight. I'd run out of tears, having cried too much to start again, and there was no energy to be found within me.
Yet I had to stand up anyway. For my daughter. For my other Pokemon.
With a heave, I pushed myself off the ground. Clumsily, at first. Stumbling and bumping into walls as if I'd been inebriated. There was still dried drool on my chin that I slowly wiped off as my legs carried me to the bathroom. Collapsing on the toilet like a puppet whose strings had been cut off, I finally stopped holding back and allowed myself to pee.
I hated this place, I realized as I looked up at the darkened bathroom's ceiling. The circumstances we'd been given the home hadn't been ideal, but there were too many memories there. Waiting for Cecilia to come back with food nearly ready and her kissing me good evening. How we slept at night sharing each other's warmth. Cuddling on the couch under a blanket while watching TV. Looking at her work with a dumb grin on my face and watching her slowly find herself again, along with her goals. Clearly it hadn't been enough. I was nothing but a herald of misery and pain whose mere presence had clipped her wings and kept her shackled to the earth.
I flushed the toilet and slowly watched the water drain and turn clear again. Shower. I needed to wash myself next. Change my clothes. Then eat something. Drink water. Go outside and pick up Princess. A very direct and simple outlining of tasks for the day that drained me just thinking about it. It felt monumental, slightly out of reach, but I knew it was my mind playing tricks on me. It wasn't— I was going to be fine. I just needed to make it through this. I dragged my feet back to the bedroom where I'd left my Pokeballs and grabbed Buddy's. Subconsciously, I glanced toward the gouged out closet.
It was still open and nearly half empty, but some of her clothes were still in here. Immediately, I shot down using bringing them back as an excuse to see her again, but it didn't help that the idea popped up in my head in the first place. I ran a hand through the remainder of her clothes, bringing one of her few shirts' sleeve up to my face so I could smell—
Ugh.
Stop it. Just stop it. My grip on the sleeve slowly loosened until I got a hold of myself and slammed the closet shut. I needed to get out of this house.
Back in the bathroom, I spent five minutes leaning my head against the wall to mentally prepare myself for this shower, which was built into a bathtub. Lethargically, every piece of clothing on me fell to the ground. I released Buddy out of his ball, and instantly he figured something must have been wrong; my face must have looked worse than usual.
"I had a fight with Cece; I fucked up with her," I dryly explained, unwilling to spend too much time dwelling on yesterday's events. The more I spoke it into the world, the more tangible it became. Like a story taking shape. "I won't be seeing her for a while. Can you help me wash? Please?"
He answered with nothing but a nod and a pained, dimming stare, knowing to stay silent. I sat down in the bathtub, hugged my knees and waited for the heated water to wash over my skin. With a glow in his eyes, he lifted the liquid soap and washed me, ever so slowly. His mastery of Extrasensory had improved leaps and bounds. Once my hair was wet, he used the water to lift each bundle, slowly untying them as he ran shampoo through the loosened strands. He'd tell me when to close my eyes, when to open them and he was just… what I needed.
Moping was well and good, but I needed some sort of plan to get out of this rut. My teeth sank into my bottom lip to use the pain to focus, causing me to taste some shampoo of the in my mouth. Blegh. Disgusting, just like me. Both my body and mind had to catch up with what I needed already.
Maylene. I had to keep my distance from her. As Cecilia had said, it wasn't on her. It was me. It wasn't so much a punishment for her as it was something that was needed for all of our well-beings. The… argument yesterday evening had been the splash of cold water I'd needed, and while I couldn't claim I knew what the hell I was doing, this was a whole lot better than going to see her as soon as I could. That would be a betrayal. Knowing her, she would ask me to work out again next weekend, which was when she'd make time for me, but I'd find an excuse to say no. Usually, either of us would call or text, but I'd cut back on those to merely check in on her work and her father as well and disallow anything veering past the usual small talk.
My nails dug into my wet palms strongly enough to leave marks. That resolution was unfortunately hurting as much as I thought it would, but it was one I should have taken right away as soon as I'd figured Maylene out, anyway. What I'd done, putting it off, had just delayed the inevitable. Plus, Cece would be here this week and they had an actual normal friendship going, or at least it looked that way from the outside.
Okay. This was good. Better than being a lump of flesh sleeping on the floor. More painful, but better.
Once the shower ended and Buddy put conditioner in my hair, I released Honey next, whom I gave the same, short yet to the point explanation of what was going on. The electric type wrapped me into a hug which Jellicent distorted himself to join, and the tears I thought I'd run out of came out flowing again. Buddy told Honey I hadn't eaten yet, and he immediately got started on a meal. Something with eggs. Mimi came next (the Meltan found themselves at home on my shoulder, whispering metallic chimes in my ear) and then Cass, who clumsily asked how my conversation with Cecilia had gone.
Had they not despised water, Buddy might have sprayed them with some. They realized quickly enough when my eyes glanced down at the floor in defeat, though.
"After I finish eating, we're picking up Princess from the Center and I think I'm gonna go for a flight once she's all caught up," I droned emotionlessly. "Maybe stay someplace in Sunyshore for a bit, I dunno. I don't think I can stay in this condo. Come back when Sunshine and Angel are ready to be picked up."
In what I assumed was an attempt to cheer me up, Mimi jumped off my shoulder and onto the couch. Mimicking Jellicent, they split off a part of themselves you could barely call a clone and started piercing it with a needle at the end of their arm you could call a sword if you were generous. Play-fighting. With a saddened smile, I dragged them back toward my shoulder after kissing their little head. Mimi pulled at my hair, resonating with a curiosity that had their eye spin around in a lazy circle inside their golden gear. More seriously, however, Jellicent asked if I was certain this was a wise move.
"I could find a Pokemon Center here Cecilia isn't in, I know. It's not like there's just one." I rasped my knuckles against the couch, idly browsing through my phone. Nothing from her, obviously, but just having her contact information there was agonizing to see. It was like my phone was taunting me. Aside from my parents, there was only the usual daily check-in from Melody and Jasmine to see how I was doing. The former had also asked me if I wanted to give a speech about Craig during the Poketch after-party once his ceremony was done— which I answered with a resounding no. I simply wasn't capable of it. The latter was a lot of complaining about work and all the proceedings needed to get things done. "You know, maybe Pastoria or Floaroma would be better. All that open air where Sweetheart would be able to join us more often."
This time, it was Honey who chimed in from the kitchen asking about my parents while he beat some eggs. I had told them I'd think about staying with them, and according to him, if open air was what I was after, Twinleaf would be a great option, especially when I'd have my mother with me and my dad a mere flight away. Buddy nodded along, adding that perhaps my father had been right when he'd said I need something new to focus on. If it wasn't going to be training and badges, then it better have been music. I could at least give it a try.
Subconsciously, I winced at how much sense they were making. "Yeah. 'Guess you're both right. I need to focus on training again sooner rather than later," I sighed, leaning back against the couch so much my body practically sank into the pillows. That was going to be a whole lot of work. Honey yelled again, asking what I'd do about Denzel. I wanted to say he had Pauline and Emilia, that just like usual I'd hurt him unintentionally as I did others, but I ended up nodding. "Yeah… I should stick around for at least a few more days so I can stay with him. He's going to be utterly lost."
"A good king does not leave those in need, especially not in their darkest hour," Cass helpfully said before turning their attention back to the window.
Meltan demanded to see what was so interesting, so I used them as an excuse to keep moving— part of me believed they'd done so on purpose, too. There was a balcony I'd only been on once, the day we'd gotten this hotel condo. Cece would use it far more often, especially at night to see the lights.
After struggling to get it open due to how weak I still felt, I leaned against the railing, inhaling the fresh afternoon air. I wringed my hands together tightly and stared at a pair of Starly which had perched right to the side. The slightly larger bird was grooming the other, with his beak deep in the scruff of her neck as she kept letting out loving coos.
"None of that!" Cassianus yelled with glowing eyes. "Shoo! Shoo, you abominable little creatures!" The air around the two Starly vibrated enough for them to fly off, but not before hurling a few insults our way. "It appears the world itself was trying to taunt you. Luckily, I was here to intervene. I must apologize for being so slow."
I laughed silently, exhaling air out of my nose. "Cass, they're just birds. It's fine. I'm not gonna freak out every time I see two people… I mean, I don't know if they were together, but you get the gist of it."
There was a chill when Buddy followed close behind, noting that his presence most likely would have had them flee anyway. The Jellicent extended his limb, wrapping a tentacle around my shoulder. I leaned into the cold touch, squishing myself against his face as he warmed himself to mimic the temperature of human skin. My legs suddenly felt as if they could barely support my weight, and I sniffled, wiping a bit of snot off my nose with my arm.
I missed her so much. Sure, seeing the Starly hadn't made me angry, but it did mildly remind me of her, like everything else. Everywhere I looked, I saw pieces of her.
I could make it through this. Surely.
When Honey called out to us with scrambled eggs, potatoes and cheese, he'd also grabbed Mimi's scrap metal to feed them and made another meal for himself. We all ate together, and I had Buddy discover his hatred of anything egg-related. Despite not needing to eat, I'd thrown pieces of it at his head in a competition with Honey to see who could aim at its center. The ghost had recoiled, collapsing on himself like a dying star and nearly exploded all over the room. That was sheer disgust. Honey took a bit of offense until I reassured him that his eggs tasted really good. It was mindless fun, really. Playing with food like we were ten years old.
But any distraction was welcome—
A vibrating phone was something I'd learned to ignore; it was inconspicuous enough now for me to nearly forget that meant I'd gotten an alert the moment it happened. After yesterday, I was subconsciously foaming at the mouth for any word from Cece. It wasn't her, and it wouldn't be for quite a long time, but it was easy to get drunk on false hope that she would take me back. Just seeing someone else's name on my screen made me want to sob; there was something deeply wrong with me. My stomach dropped when I actually registered that Maylene was texting me.
Maylene - Heyyy
Maylene - I wanted to thank u again for hanging out with me ytd sry I was a little weird at the end
Maylene - Should have told u goodbye after ur shower.
This was exactly what I didn't want to happen, and since she'd know I'd seen her message, it'd be weird not to answer. I needed to be short and to the point with this to cut off any avenue of the conversation going somewhere I didn't want it to. Worst-case scenario, I'd use the convenient truth that I needed to pick up my daughter from the Center.
You - It's no problem. I was fine and ended up going to a Pokemon Center anyway.
Maylene - Oh, rly? I guess theyre more familiar than gym showers, I get it
Maylene - Wyd? Did you pick up Togekiss yet?
Just when I'd been about to get my out and say I was just about to leave, meaning I'd have little time to talk today, she added another text.
Maylene - It'd be cool if you came over tmr too. I know it'd be busy but work would probably zoom by when you're both here.
Both.
Both here.
Cecilia was coming over—
Maylene - You probs cant though. Thats ok, ill wait until saturday. We're still on for that, right?
Why in the world was she throwing all of this at me? I was exhausted just reading all of these—
No. She was just clueless, it wasn't her fault. Mostly, I was surprised Cecilia was already out and about, functioning and planning things with others while the simple act of going out for me felt like the most difficult thing in the world, at the moment. Something I had to mentally prepare myself for for hours before I could even take a step outside.
You - I can't come by tomorrow, sorry. I'll see about this week-end, but it might be dicey since I'll be back with my parents.
Maylene - Not even sunday? That sucks, but i understand.
I felt guilty. Why did I feel guilty? All of it was literally true— she was still typing.
Maylene - Unrelated, but even though Cecilia hasnt asked me again ive been toying around with aura in my free time to practice different shades. I was thinking if i manage different blues then other colors arent out of reach. Maybe ill figure it out before she comes back from her trip down south
Maylene - probs not but itd be good to pay her back. shed probably say its unneeded and that she just comes over for experience at leading tho
You - Im sure you will manage. You two have a great time.
You - I gotta gopick up Princess. Good luck today at work.
I had to keep my distance, especially when I wasn't in the right state of mind to see her again. These texts confirmed it, I still craved the normalcy she afforded me, especially after getting basically dumped. Something was wrong with my head. Not only that, but she'd be able to read me really easily. Hopefully she hadn't already seen through me, but if the last two weeks and yesterday had confirmed anything, it was that Maylene was as clueless as I was, so things were probably going to be okay. Stalling would work. If she knew she was in love with me, there was just no way she'd consistently act the way she did. Not only that, but there was the possibility she was as dense as the one in the Virtuous timeline was. And why not? She'd somehow fallen for me, so maybe things would remain consistent.
Not like I could do anything about it anyway, so I'd rather reassure myself with these meaningless platitudes.
I placed my phone screen down against the table, dragging it into my pocket without wanting to see it any longer. After a long exhale, I looked around at my team and spoke up. "Let's go get Princess."
—
It was difficult not to be anxious when I took my first step in the Pokemon Center. Silly worries of running across Cecilia swirled around my mind. They were meaningless; there was just no way she would have chosen this one when she knew my Pokemon were in here. Sure, hers were in here as well, but she'd most likely chosen one as far away from me as possible to minimize the chance of us crossing paths. Knowing her, she'd picked one closer to the port where the busiest part of the city was.
My mind wasn't very rational lately, so I'd still prepared something I'd say in my head should we meet. It wouldn't be begging to get her back, not anymore, but an apology for some of the things I'd said yesterday night and a promise to try to do better.
Maybe tell her I loved her again.
Wait. Had I forgotten to say that yesterday?
I scrounged through my memories of our fight despite how painful it was and realized I had. She had remembered, but I hadn't said anything. I hadn't… what if that had been my last opportunity to ever tell her that? Pain struck my chest, and breathing grew more and more difficult and shallow. Should I text her that? No, that would be pathetic. Would it be? Would the patheticness outweigh how terrible not telling her that I loved her too was? Maybe if I told her—
"Ms. Pastel?"
One of the Joys had come out in front carrying Princess' Pokeball in a tray, and she'd obviously noticed me breaking down in tears in public.
"I'm fine, thanks," I sobbed and grabbed the ball. At least no one was here to see me; it'd be humiliating otherwise. "Just thinking about stuff, it doesn't matter."
She placed a hand on my upper arm and squeezed. "I want you to know that our doors are always open to speak, okay? About anything. Don't hesitate." She gave me a polite smile and returned to her post with her tray.
I'd had a Nurse Joy therapist once, in Floaroma and for a few weeks online. I wondered if she was doing fine. After wiping my tears and washing my face in the bathroom, I nearly ran out of the Pokemon Center, making my way up north with Honey by my side. The electric type was luckily too excited at the prospect to see his sister again to notice I'd cried.
It was too late for regrets. I just had to keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking.
When I regained my awareness, I was at the edge of the city up north, the perfect area to meet Princess again. Honey was back into his ball, too. Sure, I'd spent the last forty minutes on autopilot or so, but at least it was easier to breathe now. Even here, at the edge of the League; the boundary between civilization and the wild, buildings were tightly packed, though most of these were empty. Houses and apartments to be rented out for the summer by the government to civilians to make up for the massive costs of running the Conference. Not only did it make them money, but the last thing they wanted was to run out of housing space. It had happened before a few years back and that had been a hassle for them to deal with.
As soon as I was out of city delimitations, I clasped tightly Princess' Pokeball in my hands. Worn down from a year's use and so much time in the wild, there were little chips in the paint. It was the same for all of my Pokeballs save for Cass' and Mimi's. Some trainers liked to keep their Pokeballs new, often swapping to more expensive models like Ultra Balls when they could afford to like my Poketch colleague Ramon. Others like Craig and I just got attached to these.
They were our first, and it was easy to get sentimental about that.
Princess's fur glimmered in the sun when I released her, and she shook herself as she slowly opened her eyes. Stretching her wings, yawning with a high-pitched whine that was still somehow soothing to my frayed nerves. Her veneer of royalty quickly disintegrated when she noticed I was here and she wasn't in the Center again. Her eyes widened, disbelieving, and tears accumulated in the corner of her eyes. I crouched with my arms wide open and the largest smile I could muster—
"Ack!"
She tackled me back with an elated squeal, saying 'mother' over and over again. I was pretty sure she'd bruised my ribs, though I was too happy to care. I stroked the back of her head as she snuggled against my skin and told me how much she missed me.
"Oh, my little Princess," I gushed as I put my hands around her. "I missed you so, so much."
Needless to say, we stayed like this for a while. The spoiled little baby complained about her treatment from the nurses, not because they'd actually been abusive or hurtful in any manner, but because this was the longest she'd gone without seeing me and she had demanded to be let out early. I, the clear paragon of stability that I was, softly told her that they were just doing their jobs and making sure she was safe from any long-term effects of Glalie's ice. The ice type had done a number on her while she'd bought time for us to deal with the rest of Saturn's team, and he'd used Regice's power.
But then, Princess asked what she'd missed, and that meant starting from Coronet after Saturn. If I wanted to do the story justice; if I wanted to tell her everything, I'd need a lot more time and a better setting than this—
No. No, she deserved to know, and now. I slowly explained it all to her, telling my daughter the story in full— that included skimming over the Distortion World. As much as it pained to say, I'd rather have nightmares about Cecilia leaving me for someone else than have to relive through that nearly every single night. The mere act of describing it filled me with a sense of impending dread that had me breaking into a cold sweat by the end.
That meant I needed a break. And a break meant Princess seeing her family again.
I released the rest of the team, and the welcome backs were as warm as I'd expected them to be. Sweetheart clammored for her older sister, though I had to warn her about her strength so she didn't accidentally crush the Togekiss under her suffocating hug. Honey started with a teasing welcome: a jolt of electricity as soon as they touched. That made her throw a bunch of mud on his face that Cass helpfully cleaned off with their own Ancient Power, garnering some of Princess' ire until the playful tension broke. With a huff, she declared she couldn't stay disappointed in her faithful student for that long. Even Buddy joined in the pranks, getting the side of her wing a little wet with a spray of cold water. Electivire cackled, a finger pointed at her until she threatened to lovingly end his bloodline.
All jokes, of course. They loved each other. In fact, he teased back that he had no bloodline, mimicking her haughty tone in a mocking manner.
I tapped Mimi awake, and the steel type made a gurgling, metallic scream at the sight of Princess. Sure, they had missed her, but the first thing they did was demand to ride her for a flight to see more of the world. Sweetheart jealously grabbed them and said she'd be a better sister until both her and Princess started bickering about who'd take better care of Mimi. They'd kind of inserted themselves as the team's baby, though I knew they mostly did it to be spoiled.
Jellicent struck from nowhere, saying that if Princess wanted to play at being mother she'd do well to eat her veggies without whining for thirty minutes straight.
Yeah. I'd let them hang out together a little before our flight.
—
I held myself steady on top of Princess, who slowly floated up without so much as a single motion of her wings. Then came a small wobble, as if she was no longer used to flying. Before I could even speak, she haughtily said things were fine; she just needed to shake the rust off. She had, after all, spent a long time held still in a Pokemon Center between the care of the nurses and her Pokeball. My fingers ran over her head, gently stroking her fur as she got more and more comfortable with hovering in the air.
"Getting the hang of it now?" I smiled at her even though she couldn't see. Princess nodded, landing again softly against the ground. "Ready?"
Her wings shivered in excitement. She turned her neck slightly to her left, side-eyeing me before telling me to brace myself. I gripped at the saddle and patted her back one more time.
She pushed herself up so fast that my innards felt like they were being squished down. Within seconds, we were high in the sky above the League. The world fell beneath us, now rendered small and insignificant in the face of the greatness that was the freedom afforded through flight. For a moment, my body felt alive. That tiny jolt of fear at the fact that you weren't made to be up here before your brain adapted and remembered you were safe. Each breath was cold and dry. Reinvigorating. My hair which I'd forgotten to tie up whipped around my face, and the wind clapped in my ears. It was so intimate, the way it surrounded your very being as if you were at its mercy. Princess laughed, climbing ever higher until we were past the ring of League patrols making sure the skies were clear, until the air grew thin and the orange evening sky seemed close enough to touch. Princess flew right below a cloud, allowing me to raise my hand to run it through. It was cold and wet and humid and I could barely feel my fingers by the end of it, yet I was grinning either way. My daughter zoomed past the Lily of the Valley Island, reaching the ocean. Neither of us knew where we were going— I did not know if this was north, south, east or west. This freedom; my ankles unchained from the human worries in the world below; the burdens of life gone with the snap of a finger. It was liberating, it was salvation; flight was magic. Enough to bring me to the point of tears that froze before they could fall off my face.
It did not last.
The human mind could adapt to much. Exhilaration at flying was one of those things. It was nearly gone by the time we reached another coast— somewhere north of Veilstone, if I had to guess from the rocky, grey shores and how Coronet stretched even higher than we were far in the distance, turned into a vague blue by the atmosphere's hue. I remained far happier than I'd been hours ago, steady enough within to face the rest of the day, but the realization that my problems were so small and yet had still hit me like a truck was a lot. The reframing of issues was a helpful beat. The world was beautiful enough to take joy in the small things, the world was saved and nearly all the people I loved alive. It could have been so much worse.
But when I landed, I would still be poison to Cecilia's mind. I would still remain a tool awaiting a purpose or another story to insert myself into. I would still remain embroiled in whatever the hell was happening with Maylene. I would still need to try to learn to enjoy the little things in life, as Jasmine had told me. Flying was a good start with that one, but it was the first step of many.
Still;
"The sunset's beautiful…" I muttered, my voice inaudible due to the wind and the deafness in my ear.
It was a masterpiece of colors not unlike what I'd sometimes see with my empathy. As the sun dipped behind the western slopes of Coronet, the towering peak stood silhouetted against a canvas of vibrant hues— fiery oranges and deep purples blending seamlessly with soft pinks and golds. Wisps of clouds caught the light, glowing and bending the light across the horizon. In just a few minutes, darkness would be cast across this side of Coronet.
I leaned close to Princess, telling her to turn back toward a route. The last thing I wanted was to land off-route without my entire family there to defend me, and even then, it'd be best to avoid it entirely when unnecessary. It took me a few minutes to orient myself and figure out where exactly we'd ended up. Somewhere south of Veilstone. That smooth concrete road running down south was unmistakable.
It was, however, a route that held too many memories for me. The difference between this and the two Starly was that this path echoed with the past. So many times, we'd come here to train and share moments together, and I didn't want it sullied with the current and hopefully temporary state of affairs between us. After settling on the route to Sunyshore, Princess landed on the beach with tired breaths. She'd really pushed herself, for a Pokemon right out of the Center. My legs swung over her, and I hopped on the sandy ground.
It still felt like I was moving, so it proved somewhat difficult to keep my balance. Like getting off a boat after a long ride.
"Thank you, Princess. You were flawless in the sky, as always," I cupped her chin and scratched it, and she said she'd do even better on the way back to make me happy. "Oh, you sweet little thing." My arms wrapped around her as best I could. "My baby's back. Of course, I'm happy."
She nuzzled her face in my chest and we watched the ocean for a good while. The waves crashing against the darkening beach. I used the opportunity to further catch her up on what had been going on lately, this time focusing on the post-Galactic events. Of course, she already knew a bunch of things, but most were disjointed things I'd just blurted out, like being on break with Cece or Craig dying. There was no point if it wasn't told to her properly.
Eventually, one would run out of words. When that happened, we sat in silence for a while against each other in total darkness save for the bright red flames Princess had dancing around us. It was as if we were on an island of light and we were the only two people in the entire world. Us on a beach. Maybe if I had the rest of my Pokemon with me, it wouldn't be so bad. I hurt everything I touched, anyway—
I noticed how Princess was looking at me, wings tightly wound and eyes shadowed with worry.
No. There would be no catastrophizing nor spiraling tonight. An idea to improve the mood sprang in my mind. I patted the top of her head, lulling her into a false sense of security until I sprinkled sand on top of her head—
Sand below my feet jumped at me as if it had a mind of its own. "Wha— puh!" Some of it had even gotten in my mouth! That little— "You're in big trouble, young lady!" I dug my fingers into the shallow beach and threw sand at her too, but it seemingly slipped off her fur as if she was meant to stay pure. "That's so unfair!" I groaned. She threw another ball of sand at me, which I blocked with my hand, but it hit my wrist, meaning Mimi, who dissolved into goop before reforming on the floor.
Princess laughed with a wing in front of her mouth, saying I'd been the one to start it as soon as the steel type complained. Princess followed up by calling Mimi to her side, and they wobbled over—
"Mimi!" I gasped at the sheer treason. "You sleep on my wrist or neck all day and this is what I get?!"
They shrugged and jumped into Princess' fur, burying themselves under it. Like it was a giant blanket that, I had to admit, looked comfortable.
I, however, had a trick up my sleeve.
With a motion of my hand faster than I thought it'd ever be, the rest of my team appeared around me. They were confused, at first, and Honey's subtle glow along with Cass' shining eyes was welcome this late at night. Princess blinked, calling me an unfair traitor. She knew what was coming.
"Guys, I think Princess needs to be knocked down a peg. Cover her body in sand!"
Somehow, the game might have devolved into a free for all that reshaped the landscape. Honey, traitor that he was, joined in with his little sister to fight Sweetheart and I. Cass was with me, of course, and they stopped me from being seriously hurt at least ten times that night. Buddy had been forced to join the other side due to ours having two Pokemon so good with ground TE, and he got surprisingly into it, even if he started to rule lawyer us when they began to lose.
The point was that there were no rules!
I was certain I'd heard Mesprit giggle in the back of my mind at some point, too. I wished they could have joined us, but I'd go visit them when I went to my mom's. I knew they were staying quiet right now in order not to… wound me with their words, which could sometimes be ruthless.
The game might have also gotten a pair of rangers to check us out due to a noise complaint.
Sweetheart was really loud. They must have been really confused when they came up to a team of Pokemon covered in sand.
—
If there was one thing to be said about heartbreaks, it was that while one day could slowly ramp up and end fine, the next could be the opposite. Today had started out well, with me keeping busy by spending time with my team. Hell, I'd even gotten over the desperate urge to leave this place and put on a couple of my old battles on the television for my Pokemon and I to look at and reminisce. Arceus, my eyes were so innocent, especially before Solaceon; before the world had wounded me irreparably and launched me down this path. Of course, I skipped over Maylene's battle, much to Princess' displeasure. It was easy to pick out mistakes now despite my older self thinking this was as close to perfect as I could get at the time. I was too tired and lazy to actually vocalize these flaws, so I let my Pokemon do the work. Most efforts were led by Princess, who kept screaming at herself in the TV every time she fumbled something. Even Sweetheart got to watch, though we'd needed to put her on a giant stack of pillows and blankets and she needed to not move off from there, lest she make a hole in the ground or something and fall through.
But then, once I decided to pick up a snack, I saw this random pineapple candy in the pantry and my mood cratered in an instant. 'Cecilia loves pineapple' turned into memory of her eating that candy, and that led into her smiling at the taste of the candy—
The energy evaporated from my body like water poured onto Sunshine's shell, and I decided that was the end of everything that day. I allowed my Pokemon to stay out so long as Buddy watched Sweetheart so she behaved, but my words at that point were more of an incoherent whisper. I called for Princess before collapsing on our— my bed. Cece's side of the bed. It still smelled like her. Breathing through the fabric was difficult, but it wasn't like I felt like moving. I felt another weight on the mattress; Princess snuggled in close to me and said she'd warded off the others for now, but that they were worried. They thought I'd been improving.
"Let's just stay in bed and do nothing all day," I mumbled through the mattress, ignoring her.
She asked me about eating, about getting some sun by going on a flight, and about a million other things that went in one ear and out the other. If I didn't do anything, look at anything, remember anything, then maybe I'd stop reminiscing about her.
"I'm sorry; I'll try to do better tomorrow."
She let out an annoyed huff, but recognized that was the end of that. My arms wrapped around her, dragging her closer until there was no space left between us.
We stayed like this for… I didn't remember how long as I clinged to my couple's ring we'd gotten in Sunyshore. Sweat eventually soaked into the bedsheets because of how tightly bundled I was, but my body wouldn't move. Time passed so quickly, when you did nothing. Rotting in bed barely even helped me not think about Cecilia, given that I kept thinking about how today was going with Maylene. I had turned off my phone so I wouldn't see any texts from her or anyone else. My good times were unfortunately interrupted by the doorbell; who the hell was even here?
No energy to go check.
"Can you tell your siblings not to open the door? Thanks—"
The bell rang again at least ten times in quick succession, causing me to cover my head with a pillow. Princess floated away from the bedroom, and around a minute later I heard the door open— Arceus fucking damn it.
Guess I'd have to face the music.
I dragged myself up on the bed, nearly breaking down at how difficult it was to even do that. The funny thing about breaking down is that it could come in the form of crying laughter, which meant that when a particular redhead showed herself in the room, I was sob-laughing with my face in my hands.
"Oh. Uh, awkward? Legendaries, it's dark in here." Pauline walked up to the bed, wrinkling her nose. "Have you opened a window— you know what, nevermind," she sighed, sitting down at the foot of the bed. "Grace. Cecilia told me about what happened this morning."
She had? That must have been after I turned my phone off, unless it wasn't in the group chat. Actually, that made a lot more sense; there was no way she was going to text a group chat I was in. Did they have one without me?
"What's up?" I got a good look at her. She usually never let her hair get this long, but it was tied up in a messy updo with loose strands she could still twirl around her finger. "Where's Emilia?"
Her twirling finger slowed. "She was with Cecilia for a while, but your gal had to leave for Veilstone to help the Gym Leader with some stuff, like you both usually do. Kind of wild to me considering your history, but you do you."
"Did she tell you… why?" I asked.
"Why you're on break? Codependency stuff again, isn't it?" She scooted a little closer, allowing me to see the wide open door. Mimi crawled into the bedroom until something wrested them away, leaving tiny sparks behind them, and Cass' massive head poked out of the doorframe. Meanwhile, I could hear Sweetheart in the living room asking what we were saying. They were all horrible at spying. "She wouldn't go into much detail— God, you don't have to look so relieved at that!" Pauline flicked my forehead.
I covered my forehead with both hands. "Ow! What was that for?!"
"For not keeping up with me, gremlin." There was a sudden fondness within me at the old nickname. "You're in a sorry state right now, so yours truly will forgive you. Having to deal with the aftermath of Coronet and now this, but this is a one time deal."
"Ugh. Fine, sorry for not speaking much outside of hospital visits. Happy?"
"Words you don't mean are better than nothing. I won't get on your ass over it; I know things difficult and that you're trying, okay?" She touched my wrist and squeezed. "I guess it's hard seeing people turn away from me when… well, I've never been the best at helping. I kind of mess up everything, but I still want to try, you know? They don't say 'do your best' for no reason."
I watched her silently, then nodded.
"Not the talkative sort today, hm? I get it." She had a purse with her that she opened on her lap. "I bought you a bunch of tea; I don't really know which ones you like, so I kind of filled my bag with them." She pulled a package out, the rustling of the paper filling the quiet space between us. "This one's chamomile; I thought it might help you relax if you're anxious. Or that's what the clerk said," she nervously laughed.
"Oh. Tea actually sounds really nice right now…" I whispered. "Could you…?"
Pauline pointed at herself with widening eyes. "Me? Grace, you know I can't handle kitchens for shit."
It was true that she'd never handled any of the food-related duties on the road when we'd traveled together. Frowning, I replied, "I mean, I won't get on your case because you bought these for me and it's a huge favor, but it's literally just heating up water."
"I'd mess it up somehow. I have people for that; even mommy doesn't know how to make anything, so I never learned."
"Just give it to Honey. Thanks a lot, by the way." Already, I was finding it easier to speak a smidge louder.
"No prob!" She grinned, and when she walked out the door, Honey had to awkwardly act like he'd just been passing by. It looked like the others had thrown him under the bus. "Do you want to vent to me? I don't think I'd have great advice, but I'm a good listener these days. Some might say I'm the best," she joked. This time, Pauline was leaning against the massive closet with her arms crossed.
I wasn't willing to tell her everything. One, it was mighty embarrassing and I'd probably cry again, and two, I wasn't sure Cecilia would be okay with that. "I guess… this might sound a little harsh."
"Shoot. I'm a big girl, I can take it." She brought up her arm and flexed as a joke.
"So I mean, how did you handle…" I gestured weirdly at her. "Everything collapsing under your feet with Emilia and Denzel."
"Ahh." She glanced up at the ceiling with a misty-eyed look. "I mean, there was never a big fight like you both had. It kind of just fizzled out without anyone having a talk about it, but it wasn't like we had much time for that stuff," she said with a heavy breath. "I was kind of in denial about it, hoping we could fix it when Team Galactic was over, but I guess not."
"Did you try?" I asked.
"I mean, Denzel's asleep, but even if he wasn't it's not like it'd work. You don't try something that failed again without changing anything, and really neither of them were really that into it. They tried, especially in Sunyshore and when we traveled to Pastoria, but nothing ever sparked. They're good friends— really good friends before Pastoria— but that wasn't enough. Even ignoring how Denzel and I fucked up at various times and the pressures of Galactic, the relationship probably would have limped along and dissolved eventually." Again, she started twirling a strand of hair around her finger. The closet doors creaked behind her. "I spoke to her recently about if we could try again, just the two of us, if I spoke to Denzel when he woke up and told him about it, but nah. Doesn't look like it's in the cards."
"Doesn't that— doesn't that crush you?" How was she even here talking to me right now? How was she not staying in bed all day, crying her heart out?
She leaned forward, the pain now obvious in her eyes. "Of course, it does. I fucked up something great with the greatest girl and guy I know because I couldn't choose and I tried to stick them together as if that'd fix everything." She shrugged. "Life goes on, at the end of the day. It's time to grow up." Pauline jutted a hand forward. "Not that I'm minimizing your problems. It's just, like… sorry, I'm still rash with words."
Somehow, this had ended up with her talking instead of me, but it was helping somewhat. Come to think of it, she'd denied Denzel at some point when he confessed and they'd kept being friends. What made me think Maylene wouldn't?
Right. Denzel was often just the gold standard of a human being, meaning he needed no time away like Louis did. Meanwhile I'd been plagued by fear, indecisiveness, possessiveness, terrified that she would leave me. Yet I felt like if I was in the same position with Maylene on top of me today, I'd talk to her about it right away. Unfortunately, time only went in one direction for us mortals, and now I was stuck in this rut. After Cecilia came back from her trip, I would tell Maylene. This way, the Gym Leader would have her to fall back on in case it hurt her more than I thought.
I… had to.
"Wow, I guess I struck a nerve. My bad," Pauline apologized.
"No, no," I said. "Go on."
The tea kettle whistled in the distance. "Okay," she softly said. "This is gonna sound really corny, and I'm not usually one for cringe bullshit, but hear me out." She waited for a signal, so I nodded in response. "No matter what we end up as in the future when we're adults— Close friends, normal friends or heavens forbid, acquaintances who see each other like once a year, ugh." She sneered, shaking her head to chase those thoughts. "What we shared with each other, the batshit crazy experiences we went through, ill or good?" Pauline looked down at her hand and clenched it into a fist. "Those will be ours. You know when you just get someone in a way that's like knowing the back of your hand? You don't have to be dating to share that. Not that I'm saying your relationship is toast like mine!"
"I know, I know." Sighing, I looked at Honey slowly trudging into the room and straightened my back. The electric type handed me the teacup, warning about the heat. "Thanks, kiddo." He left quickly after that, even though no one had asked him to. I blew on the tea, inhaling its comfortable aroma and continued. "What you said." Pauline and I locked eyes. "I get that. I get that very well. The problem is… I guess you could say we did too much together and I got addicted."
"I thought it was cute, looking from the outside," Pauline said. "But I mean, Emilia and I spent all the time together and she was so dependent on me. To dependent to speak up for herself, to talk to her parents, to even go outside in crowds sometimes. But then, she left and found her own way, right? Contests, content creation, hell, she investigated corruption in the industry on her own! That's her most viewed video! I watched it a million times." The redhead grinned. There was no denying it, she still loved her, but she was strong enough to attempt to move on. "See where I'm getting at?"
"I know Cecilia was right," I mumbled under my breath. "I just don't know how she's so strong and already out and about. Doing things."
"You were out yesterday, weren't you? You were spotted next to Sunyshore; we all heard about it."
"Damn it. I can't do anything without people going crazy these days," I complained after clicking my tongue. "And I did nothing all of today. She's already moving on…"
"And according to her, she did nothing yesterday but stay in a dark musty Pokemon Center room, and if it hadn't been for her Pokemon, she would have come back—" Pauline sucked in air through her teeth. "Wasn't supposed to say that. But don't do all of this morose 'she's better off without me' bs." Pauline waved a hand dismissively. "You just gotta learn how to function without each other."
"Right." I sipped on my tea and nearly burned my tongue. "I'm trying. It's just… hard. I look at everything around here and it all reminds me of her. I can't even go five minutes before she pops up in my head again and I get depressed. At least today. Like, the reason I was doing nothing in bed was because I saw this pineapple candy she loves. I mean, she loves pineapple in general, but she really likes that candy; it's a Unovan brand."
Pauline scoffed. "Pineapple? She likes feeling her tongue get shredded by acid? Arceus, what a weirdo."
I placed a hand over my mouth to snort. "I know right?"
Once Pauline realized the conversation slowed, she smirked. "So, uh, wanna play cards?" She pulled out a pack from her bag. "We could gamble some money over whatever game. Sounds fun, doesn't it?"
"I'll be honest, I'm not feeling it, but we might as well try, I guess. Without the gambling, because I'm not exactly financially secure." I had no idea what would happen with Poketch if I didn't make it to the Conference, so I needed to save every penny. Sure, I had signed a contract, but realistically if they went against me, they'd just be able to outlast me with an army of lawyers at their beck and call. I wouldn't even have Mel anymore.
After settling on Crazy Eights, Pauline continued talking about her own experiences in a bid to help me with mine. Along the way, it sort of turned into a venting session for the both of us.
"You know, like five months ago I'd daydream about traveling with Denzel and Emi, just the three of us for a whole year," she said with a saddened look as she browsed her cards. "I figured Hoenn would be a good pick. Birthplace of Pokemon Contests, the biggest scene and all of that." She placed an eight of hearts above a two of hearts. "Dreams are dreams, though."
"What are you gonna do now, then?" I drew from the pile; I'd gotten seriously unlucky when she only had three left. "Another Circuit next year? You can get to eight badges, I'm sure of it. You're a little simple as a fighter outside of your Gothitelle, so you'd have to change that if you want your eighth, but you'd have a whole year to figure it out."
"I dunno, I'd have to think about it. Consult my team and the like," she said with a shrug. "These days… what do I even do? Meditate, train, yell at Denzel's parents so they let us visit, but like, what comes after that, when we're all out of here?"
I frowned. "You like battling, don't you?"
"Oh, I love it," she grinned. "And the way it makes me feel. But it's like, a hobby. It's not what I'm gonna be doing the rest of my life, you know? My mother's been trying to get me to handle the Sandgem branch of the company. Small, low stakes, easy to rack up experience. I'm thinking I take the offer."
My heart sank. "But why?"
"I mean, it's like Louis playing volleyball in school, right? He loved it, but he didn't make it his job. I gotta get ready for real life and stuff. Mommy's getting old; she wants to retire and enjoy life. If I can rack up a few years of experience, I'll be able to take over. Fashion's always been my number one passion." She scratched her cheek. "You gonna play?"
Oh. I had forgotten to keep drawing. It took three more cards to be able to play an eight of spades, to which Pauline made a little cheer. "I guess… I don't get it?" Even in this state, with all my motivation gone, I couldn't imagine putting battling out of my life forever. I was hoping, deep down, that I'd get my passion back sooner rather than later, and I had even planned to go attempt to train later today before getting hit by depression. "I thought you'd be at it for a few years. Attempt the Conference at least once to get the full trainer experience."
"I thought so too," she spoke with a saddened smile. "Turns out most of the fun came from traveling with you people, but what else is left? Denzel's going to be in chronic pain when he wakes up and probably won't be able to do any of this shit for months, and even then it'd be weird between us; Emilia's going to refocus on herself and set up camp in Hearthome soon; Justin is dead; Maeve's an entirely different person and seemingly wants nothing to do with us; I don't even know Mira's deal; Chase and I would kill each other and he can't walk anymore; you and Cecilia are leaving… you are leaving, right? Even if you aren't back together by the end of the summer?"
I gave it some thought for a few moments as Pauline slammed an ace of spades on the card pile with an exaggerated hoot, as if this game wasn't pure luck, anyway. Always so extra, this one. "I am, yeah. I have a calling there," I said, thinking of that mysterious Pokemon whisperer. Even then, doing good would help. Looking back, the emotional turmoil Swoobat had warned me about was obvious now. "And you know, I have Poketch obligations."
"True enough."
"Gotta sell those damn phones," I chuckled. "And laptops. And watches. And everything else."
Needless to say Pauline won the card game. She stuck around for another few hours before she had to head back and feed her team. Maybe she'd go and battle some League Trainers if she had time as well; apparently they were allowed to battle to train. Part of those lax rules was why Sinnoh's armed forces were known to go for a quality over quantity approach, at least according to her. There was so much experience I could soak up here—
Oh. Nevermind. I was probably better at killing anything than any of them.
"What are you saying?" I quietly chastised myself. "You won't need to kill anything anymore. Probably."
And finally, at the grand hour of six in the evening, just when I gathered the energy to stand up and shower with Buddy's help, someone else rang the doorbell. At first, I thought Pauline had forgotten something, but as it turned out, Emilia had come to visit, now. There was a spring in her step that had been missing in everyone else, and she carried herself like she had a good head on her shoulders. Her nose piercing glinted under the lights Honey had turned on, and she smiled at me. It was like I was looking at a well-put together adult instead of… well, a kid who had no idea what would come next.
She wrapped me in a tight hug. "Ooh, you might need to shower. I heard the bad news from Cecilia; I'm sorry."
"Where's Pauline? Did— did you two coordinate this?! Is this an intervention?"
"Come on, we aren't tied at the hip, you know? I didn't even know she was supposed to come here, I thought she'd either be at Denzel's or down in the city with her team fighting some League Trainers on break like usual."
Damn. She was right on the money.
"I just came to check in on you." She looked around the apartment, greeting my Pokemon one by one, though she had a confused look when she saw a dent next to the couch.
"That's Sweetheart— she had an accident with her tail, so I had to recall her. The League will fix it."
"Oh, Legendaries. You have her out indoors?" She laughed, cackling so hard she complained her stomach hurt. "I'm sorry, I know you need them to help you, Grace; it's just so you."
I shuffled in place, a little ashamed of myself. "Don't make fun of me."
"I won't, don't worry. It just took me off-guard, you know? Do you want to sit?"
I squinted at her suspiciously before nodding. "Are you here for advice?"
"I am; I guess Pauline got here first, though. I was busy today helping Louis with some extra stuff for the funeral. You know how I used to plan parties?" Emilia stepped around the couch, smirking at the dent in the floor. "You're gonna have to stop this kind of stuff in Unova, you know that, right?" she gently warned. "No more League to bail you out. You'd actually need to pay for damages and it'd have a seriously bad effect on your image." She sat down, hands below her so her dress wouldn't crease or bend.
"I know, I know." God, if the League hadn't had my back all these months I'd be in prison for life at this point. I plopped myself down the couch, fidgeting nervously with my fingers. "So?"
"So." Emi cleared her throat. "I've been made aware of…" she vaguely gestured at me. "Your situation in detail."
"In detail?" She'd told Emilia everything, but not Pauline?
"Well, as it stands, Cecilia believes she is in a similar position I was in, though she says you're not actually in love? It's strange, because to me it sounds like love in everything but in name and I do think if it is, you should tell Cecilia right away, but hey, I'm not in your head. I'll believe you."
I exhaled in relief and stopped gripping the edges of the couch. If I needed to explain this for a millionth time this was platonic, I was going to blow up. "Any words of advice? I know the best I can do is to hunker down and try to be better. How did you do it? You were so dependent on Pauline."
She closed her eyes, recalling the past with a melancholic look. "Yes. Yes, I was. But not anything as bad as this, with the high stakes you both went through and whatnot. I'm not qualified for this, but here's what I told Cecilia: you have to have a life outside of your partner!" Emi was talking more akin to a teacher than anything else. "Look, before Contests and I made new friends and acquaintances, it was all Pauline, Pauline, Pauline. The thing is, it's tough with all of us because we're all so… tightly knit, right? We all know each other and all spend time together all the time, even now, like a monstrous amalgamation of trauma unable to separate. Honestly, we're all kind of co-dependent on each other. We could use a little more time apart."
"Hmhm." That was true enough.
The Coordinator held out a finger. "Hobbies. You've got battling, training and watching battles et cetera, but you used to do all of that together, even if you added in some people sometimes." Then, a second one. "With piano, she was the one who taught you how to play, and now that you do know, you don't really do it anymore because you're so focused on her." Finally, a third finger. "Pokemon rights? That's yours." She pointed at my heart. "You were actually starting to know people outside of our circle in Pastoria when you volunteered. It's too bad that… well, you know, the raid happened."
I brought my legs up on the couch and hugged my knees. "You sure got wise."
She flicked her chestnut hair back like Pauline used to do. "Well, I'm no flawless girl; this is just my input on things. I know putting it in action is a lot harder than acknowledging the problem. Which you've now both done, so great!" Emi clapped her hands together. "That's the first step to any issue."
Her optimism was honestly a little infectious; it was difficult not to feel slightly invigorated. "My dad kind of had the same idea before we even took that break. I was going to take him up on it." That was partly to avoid Maylene, but I was basically fully on board, now. "Piano lessons, meeting new people and such. Maybe I can make summer friends who have nothing to do with Pokemon. If I remember how to be normal."
What would Cecilia do? Reconnecting with her team was a must, of course, but after that? A cold dread crept up my skin when I realized this was going to take a whole lot longer than our first break after the raid.
"I actually tried to do more Pokemon Rights stuff recently, which intrigued me too," I said, thinking of my meeting with Mallory and Rood. "It was before the fight, but I kind of messed it up."
She snapped her finger, leaned against her palm and grinned at me. "See? You're already doing well, it's just about the little steps."
"I just have to keep walking," I echoed. This time, it was more positive than anything. "Thanks."
Emilia scooted her way next to me, wrapping a hand around my waist in a side-hug. "I know this is tough, okay? But you have to realize this, Grace. Cecilia sees you as her entire universe. You came out of nowhere and offered her a hand when we were either too scared to act, ignorant children or in on our parents' schemes. You pulled her out of a dark place, showed her hope, and essentially became the only person or thing who made her truly happy. For nearly nine months straight. It got even worse after this ghost TE stuff. Honestly, I know this hurts to hear, but it was only a matter of time until something gave."
I would not said anything if Cecilia hadn't, but Emilia was probably right. While Cece had been worried about losing herself to me, another moment would have made her take the leap.
"Both you and Pauline have been a great help today. I hope all of this works to get me out of bed."
"Well, you're out of bed speaking to me right now, right?" Emilia squeezed my shoulder before letting go. "Here, why don't you take your shower, I'll change your bedsheets and clean around a little bit."
"Sure. Cass can help you."
Emi stared at the looming construct behind us. They were currently harassing Jellicent about his book. Not about the contents, but about what kind of paper it was made of. "Hm. Haven't spoken with them much, but I'll make do," she said.
And hey, I'd even try to shower on my own today.
Not that I told her that out loud. There was a limit to how low I'd let myself look in front of my friends. I reflected on the day as I showered, feeling slightly guilty at the fact that both Pauline and Emilia had immediately come to help me while I'd kept contact to a relative minimum. They were both too good for me—
A knock on the bathroom door made me realize that so much time had passed in an instant. I'd been in the shower, soaking in water and brooding for so long that the skin on my hand was wrinkly. I called back out to Emilia so she wouldn't worry and quickly finished washing (I hadn't even used soap yet). I came out in PJs and both of us stuck together for a little bit. Again, I mostly let her talk about herself. Emi would throw herself fully into Contests next year, this time trying to use her fame online to connect with the best coordinators in the region. Unlike Pokemon Trainers, Coordinators didn't have much of a culture for random, unofficial performances outside of Contest Halls because they didn't want their techniques to leak before any future contests. It was as if every coordinator was as paranoid as Craig had been.
"I don't care for it," Emilia said with a shrug. "I'm not good enough to win enough ribbons to make it to the Grand Festival anyway. The curve is like, exponential." Speaking of, the Grand Festival this year was fully canceled, which was the first time that had happened since that apocalyptic weather event in Hoenn when I was a kid. Even the waters in Sinnoh got agitated enough to have mild flood warnings down the southern coast. "I'll rack up as much experience as I can and distill it all at the end of next year to start my true run on my third. That's when I'll be aiming for the Grand Festival."
"Will people even accept your challenges?"
"Probably not at the start," she admitted. "I'm hoping to use my platform to start a movement with people in my predicament— the ones who aren't good enough to win a ribbon from the top dogs. Maybe Denzel can help; his reach is bigger than mine."
First Louis and Chase, now Pauline and her. Everyone was moving on with their own goals while I was stuck down here in the mud. It was a little shameful; the type that makes you want to berate yourself for being so useless.
"Arceus, I hope he can handle the pain when he wakes up," Emilia added, hands tense on her lap.
"Yeah…"
She checked her watch (for some reason, she was the only person I knew who still wore an analog watch sometimes) and gasped. "Hey, it's nearly eleven pm. I should probably go."
"I get it. No need to look so apologetic." Her face had contorted as if she'd looked for an excuse. I knew it was probably exhausting to keep me on the right path when she had other things to do. "Thanks for stopping by."
"And hey, whatever I said here about Cece," she said in a cautionary tone. "It applies to Maylene Suzuki as well. Don't use her as a temporary crutch to fill the gap left by Cecilia's absence. That would be the way to turn this break into an actual break up, and it'd take advantage of the girl who has a crush on you."
"I'm already keeping my distance— relax, I'm not ghosting her!" I could tell the retort had been coming from a mile away. Innocently, I raised my arms. "I'm just distancing myself. I'll still help her out when Cece leaves if she needs it. She's been doing great lately, so…" I trailed off and kicked the floor. "Plus, I'll be in Jubilife. That's a little far away to be Teleporting back and forth with limited Kadabra." Sighing, I continued, "I plan on having an honest conversation about things when Cecilia comes back."
Emilia nodded. "Good. Finally being honest is good. If you feel yourself slipping up around her, then you'll need to do it earlier. You're…" she looked me up and down. "Emotionally vulnerable right now. You could make a mistake while you're not thinking."
"Like?"
Emilia was near my front door, now. "It could be as simple as giving her more signs— I know you crave physical contact. You were fidgeting around me like you wanted to hug me." Damn, she was spot on. I must have been really obvious about it. "I'd do it, but it'd feel wrong, you know? I don't want to be a substitute for Cecilia." Honestly, it'd probably be disappointing for me as well. "Anyway, it's possible you'd ask her to cuddle, or, I don't know, accidentally tell her 'I love you?' when she'd most likely just be a short rebound until your girlfriend came back? Or tell her that platonically like you do to us by mistake? Accidentally kiss her? There are a lot of ways this can go wrong; you're kind of a mess."
My nails dug into my palms, and I felt my jaw clench in outrage. "For the last time, I know I'm fucked up, but one, I don't want to do any of that, and two, I'm not straight up evil—"
Her face fell. "Oh. I'm sorry, I— it was just a genuine warning. It felt like since you were avoiding her so much, you yourself felt like you might make a mistake— yeah, I won't bring it up again."
My muscles relaxed, though the anger ended up leaving me mildly sweaty again. Great. After I'd spent all that energy to shower. "I'd like that, thanks."
The silence that followed was mildly awkward, so she ended it with a short wave. "I'll see you… probably not tomorrow, but the day after unless they wake Denzel up. We can text though, and don't hesitate if you need anything."
Legendaries, I appreciated her, but it felt miserable to be doubted this much. "Yeah, I will. Thanks for stopping by."
As soon as my friend left, I sat down with my old, tattered notebook I used to write on regarding battles, repeatedly tapping a pencil against my lips. All of my Pokemon— even Buddy— looked on with excitement, though they acted as if they didn't. Honey even started whistling like we were in a cartoon.
It was going to be slow. It was probably going to all be scrapped when I was in a better state of mind weeks from now.
But it was time to brainstorm new techniques for the team.
—
I woke up the next day bright in the morning from my phone blowing up.
Denzel had been brought back from his coma.