I Will Live As An Actor

Chapter 68:

Chapter 68

Ugh, he doesnt recognize me!

Yeon-su, who was starring in a historical drama special by SBC, couldnt hide her sour expression. 

She had been looking forward to the year-end acting awards. Not because of the prize, but because of the anticipation of meeting Young-guk.

He doesnt even know Im in the same show.

She had known for a while that Young-guk had no interest in the historical drama she was in. But still, how could he not know they were in the same broadcasting company? 

The proof was his expression when he received the award earlier. It was as if he was asking why she was there.

How could he not contact me at all.

She might not have realized that it was a one-sided communication. He had a good reason for that. 

After meeting him at the entrance briefing of Sehwa High School, Young-guk had not contacted her at all. 

She had consoled herself by thinking that he was busy with filming a movie. But when he didnt recognize her at the award ceremony, she couldnt help but get angry. It was only natural.

She couldnt even greet him because there were so many people who wanted to greet Young-guk. 

From the broadcasting staff to the actors. Yeon-su, who was relatively short, was hardly visible among them.

How can he be so handsome?

Another actress who was filming the historical drama with her muttered to herself, admiring Young-guk on the stage. Yeon-su snapped at her.

Whats so handsome about him? He looks plain to me.

Really? Yeon-su, youre too young to understand. Look at his broad shoulders and reliable figure. And his voice and eyes are so deep. Hes young, but hes already like that. When he grows up, hell surely make many women cry. Oh, Yeon-su, are you crying?

Yeon-sus eyes were glistening. But since there were many people watching, she quickly wiped her expression away like a professional actress. 

She bit her cheek with her teeth so hard that she tasted blood, but it was better than showing her embarrassment.

Who said I was crying? I just got some dust in my eye.

As Yeon-su rubbed the dust out of her eye, Young-guks acceptance speech for the best couple award continued. His face was magnified on the screen set up in the hall. 

The audience, as well as the actresses, focused their attention on him. It was as if he was giving the grand prize speech.

Unni, is Young-guk oppa really popular among the actresses?

I told you before. The actresses in his agency only talk about Jang Young-guk. Hes been busy with filming a movie lately, but he was so hot when he was shooting a drama. I wanted to get closer to him, but hes too young and hes very strict with himself. He doesnt even talk to other actresses. I heard from a reporter I know that Seo Min-hye, who won the couple award with him, got rejected by him.

Really?

Shh! This is a secret. A secret.

She said it was a secret, but she probably knew as much as anyone else. 

Come to think of it, Seo Min-hyes expression looked suspicious as she glanced at Young-guk giving his speech. 

Yeon-su sighed inwardly.

She had many competitors, and they were all famous for their beauty in Korea.

Should I ask for his number?

No!

Huh?

Unni, the director (PD) said so. No dating while filming a historical drama. And Young-guk oppa doesnt have a personal phone. Most of the contacts are handled by his manager.

Really? How do you know that so well, Yeon-su? And oppa? Dont tell me.

She brushed it off by making an excuse that they had appeared together as child actors three years ago. 

Soon, the speech was over and Young-guk and Seo Min-hye came down from the stage. 

Yeon-su looked at them with a longing expression. 

She wished she was there with him. 

That was when it happened.

Young-guk suddenly changed his direction as he came down from the stage.

Oh my, hes coming this way!

The actress sitting next to Yeon-su exclaimed, seeing Young-guk walking towards her. 

She would have fixed her makeup if it wasnt a live broadcast. 

At that moment, Young-guk reached them and hugged Yeon-su lightly.

There are often cases where actors who are close to each other exchange greetings after giving their acceptance speeches. But Yeon-su never dreamed that Young-guk would come to her as well. 

Young-guk lightly hugged her and whispered in a small voice.

Why are you sulking today?

As soon as she heard Young-guks voice, the resentment in her heart melted away like snow.

***

Just as there are gold, silver, and bronze medals in the Olympics, there are also different awards for acting. 

Every actor would want to win the grand prize, the highest honor. 

The team of the drama Youth was getting more and more excited as the award ceremony approached.

Young-guk, you might really win the grand prize this time.

I dont even hope for that.

Hey, dont lie.

The actress Seo Minhye asked casually. But it was true that she didnt hope for it. 

The drama Youth was undoubtedly a masterpiece that made a splash in both ratings and social buzz among the SBC dramas. But if you judge it by its artistic value, well.

Im sorry to Hwang writer-nim.

The script was excellent, but it focused on the female audience. 

It was a work that depicted the romance of high school life. 

It was more about the characters than the artistic value, so it was too much to hope for the grand prize. But thanks to that, he got the title of nations first love. 

It was a huge improvement from his previous life, when she only played gangster roles.

Isnt Young-guk the youngest ever to win the grand prize among the broadcasters acting awards?

He was also voted as the actor who the PDs want to work with, and he won the best couple award, so its not impossible.

Thats right. At this rate, Young-guk might even achieve a triple crown later.

The triple crown is a term that refers to an actor who has won the grand prize from all three broadcasters. 

There was only one person in the history of Korean actors who achieved the triple crown, and that was the national actor Ahn Junghyun.

He always made jokes that seemed frivolous, but he had a status among the actors in Korea that was indescribable. He wasnt called the national actor for nothing.

At that moment.

I will announce the winner of the excellence award.

It was the equivalent of a bronze medal in the Olympics. Everyone swallowed their saliva as the announcer spoke.

The winner of the excellence award is Jang Young-guk from the drama Youth! Congratulations!

My name was called. 

There was a brief silence in the audience, followed by incomprehensible cheers. 

The team of the drama Youth was the same. 

The actors looked surprised that I won the excellence award, not even the best actor award. 

It was natural, considering how popular the drama Youth was among the teens and twenties.

The drama ended and I received a lot of love calls from the broadcasters and Chungmuro, but I always refused them firmly. 

I expected this to some extent.

After all, it was ridiculous to win the grand prize at the age of eighteen. 

It was a great honor to win the excellence award. But Seo Minhye still looked dissatisfied. She looked as if she was sorry that she didnt win the grand prize.

***

The last shooting scene.

Oh, is that our star actor Jang actor?

The last day of the shooting was more lively than ever. 

The directors of each part congratulated me and patted my head. 

Meanwhile, the assistant director Kim Seokcheol expressed his regret.

I thought Young-guk would win the grand prize.

Seokcheol, youre so clueless!

I knew him since I gave him three hand warmers. Hes clueless. Young-guk, its really amazing that you won the excellence award at your age. Ive never seen an eighteen-year-old win an acting award in my life.

Oh, Park senior, stop teasing me. Youre choking me.

The director of photography grabbed the assistant director Kim Seokcheols neck and dragged him around. Well, I didnt really care about not winning the grand prize.

Young-guk, Im really sorry.

Kim Jin PD kept bowing his head and apologizing at the after-party of the acting awards. He was usually playful and talkative, but he looked so serious and remorseful.

The truth is, the director agreed, but the higher-ups were too opposed.

Only after Kim Jin PD had a few drinks, I learned the behind-the-story of how I won the excellence award.

SBC Broadcasting had opened up a lucrative channel for exporting the rights of their future works to Japan. 

And to grease that channel, they wanted me, the lead actor of the drama Youth, to go to Japan and hold a fan meeting, and appear on TV shows. But all I did was reject their offers, and I felt drained.

I should have been busy with filming movies.

Maybe thats why I got on the bad side of the SBC executives.

After the drama Youth ended, I had many contacts from the broadcasting industry, but the most prominent one was SBC. 

They offered me a huge amount of money for the next project, as if they didnt want to lose the goose that laid the golden eggs.

But I refused their offer, even though they were willing to pay me a fortune. 

I also refused to appear on the Japanese TBK Broadcasting, their partner company. 

They must have seen me as a young and arrogant kid.

Tsk.

It shows how important social relationships are in the awards ceremony. But I dont care. 

Whats the big deal about the grand prize? 

Its not like I won it in my past life. 

In fact, the grand prize was the ultimate goal of my acting career in my previous life. But now its different. I just vowed to live as an actor.

I dont have to appear on SBC anymore.

And since I ended things with SBC, I dont have to be petty. To do that, I had to become a better actor. 

An actor that every broadcasting company would want to cast.

The Priests Confession.

And I felt that this work would be the turning point of my acting career.

***

Scene number 120, The Priests Confession!

The judges face showed signs of hesitation. It was a case that caused a huge social uproar. 

As evidence, many reporters were also present.

Who would have thought that the serial killer who shook the nation was none other than a priest who walked the path of faith? 

He was given a chance to plead, but the public defender who represented him said nothing.

That was because the defendant had exercised his right to remain silent ever since he was handed over to the prosecution. 

He didnt even give any explanation to the public defender who was assigned to him. 

The reporters who were watching the trial felt sorry for him, as he neither denied nor admitted his crimes. Thats when it happened.

Pride, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, sloth, greed.

A sudden voice came from the defendants seat, about 4 meters away from the bench where the judge sat. 

It was Father Matteo, who was still wearing a black cassock. 

He couldnt wear a prison uniform yet, since his sentence was not confirmed. 

So it looked like an absurd picture, where the judicial robe and the priestly robe faced each other.

Look at the sins of the wicked, but how can you ignore the inconvenient truth that resulted from them? I am not the one in front of the cross, so I have no intention of absolving them. Thats why I punished them with my own hands, and made them pay for their sins with their own skulls.

With a devout voice.

Do they seem to want to admit their mistakes and be forgiven for their sins? The cries of appeal that they shout at you, who are wearing the judicial robes in this cold trial, are not repentance or remorse, but lies and escapism, only to obtain their own absolution.

The judge, as well as the prosecutors and the reporters in the audience, swallowed their saliva.

Why does the world not purify the countless wicked and let them go as they are? Its because of the flimsy chains that let them go and ignore them.

The priest in the black cassock lifted his head and looked at the judge on the bench.

My brother, is there really such a thing as law?

After the trial ended and the first-instance sentence was confirmed, South Korea was once again in an uproar. 

A young priest had been sentenced to death for killing seven people. 

The priest had accepted his fate.

But the reason why South Korea was in turmoil was because of the seven people that the priest had killed. 

The media reported on the priests statements in the courtroom and exposed the crimes of the seven people.

[A priest who executed the wicked, is he a clergyman or a murderer?]

[Where will the conscience of the South Korean criminal law go?]

[Does justice exist in South Korea?]

Time passes. 

The condemned prisoner is alone in a cell, sitting and smelling the sunlight that shines through the bars that are slightly bigger than his palm. 

He sees the endlessly clear sky outside the bars. 

He is different from other prisoners. 

Like a bird that flies in the sky, he does not long for freedom, but only wonders if he will be up there with the birds.

Prisoner number 2981, visitation.

He knows that no one will come to see him. 

The guard who escorts him shakes his hand. 

The prisoner silently takes the guards trembling hand. 

With a look that says there is no need to worry. 

The prisoner knows what day it is.

Once, South Korea was noisy about the priest who became a killer, but as time passed, the blazing fire became ashes, and the peoples interest gradually faded away. 

The prisoner silently follows the guard to the execution site.

Matthew.

There, the guards who will carry out the execution, the prison director, the reporters, and the priest sent from the church are waiting for the prisoner. 

He was the prisoners classmate at the seminary where they received the priestly ordination. 

The priest with glasses and a kind-looking face has complex emotions on his face. He speaks to his classmate, who was also a fellow clergyman.

Matthew, or Mujin. If you have anything you want to say for the last time, spill it out.

The prisoner smiles calmly and says.

As the thoughts on the wicked are forgotten, the world will forget them with the word oblivion and again turn a blind eye to the wicked. Thats why I will be arrogant until the end.

The priest with glasses prays for the prisoner with mixed feelings. The prisoner deeply thanks the guards who have cared for and looked after him. If a stranger saw him, they would mistake him for a priest who was going to pray, not a man who was going to face death, such was his devout appearance.

Soon, a long cloth covers his face and a thick and long rope is tied around his neck. 

He whispers his last words in the darkness that is like pitch black.

Lord, punish me.