Chapter 42: Anxiety
Lucian stopped in his tracks, his body tensing up as Avey’s hurried footsteps closed in behind him. He didn’t want to turn around, but curiosity and frustration gnawed at him. What does she want from me now? The question was more bitter than curious, laced with the remnants of hurt that he thought he’d already buried deep.
His mind raced through possibilities. Is she here to tell me she likes someone else? Maybe Victor? Maybe it’s about that night at the restaurant when I saw her with him. He frowned, feeling a sharp pang in his chest as he recalled that moment. Of course, it must be that.
She’s here to make things official, to tell me once and for all to stop chasing her.
He turned around slowly, the weight of all the eyes in the courtyard adding to the tension. His cold gaze locked onto Avey, who was fast approaching with an unusual urgency in her steps. Students and even a few professors had paused to watch. The growing murmurs from the crowd felt like static noise in his ears, but Lucian blocked it out, focusing on Avey.
He noticed the bouquet of roses clutched in her trembling hands, and his heart sank further.
What is she doing with those? Has she found someone else already? The thought was bitter, but Lucian shook it off. Whatever. It’s none of my business anymore.
But the fact that Avey was running toward him, that she was holding flowers, made his chest tighten in a way he hated. It wasn’t longing or hope it was dread. Is she really going to humiliate me like this, in front of everyone again? Can’t she just tell me to leave her alone in private? Why does she always have to put me on display?
Lucian sighed deeply, his expression turning cold and emotionless, masking the turmoil inside. I’ve already predicted how this is going to end, he thought bitterly, his eyes hardening as they focused on Avey’s figure.
Avey’s heart faltered when she saw the look in Lucian’s eyes. It wasn’t the soft, loving gaze she had grown so used to. There was no trace of affection or warmth, no glimmer of the love that had always been there, no matter how many times she pushed him away. Instead, his eyes were distant, cold almost as if he didn’t care to even see her. It shook her to her core.
Her steps slowed, and her breath caught in her throat. Why is he looking at me like that.
Lucian’s words broke the silence, but they were colder than she expected, sharp enough to pierce through the veil of hope she had desperately been clinging to.
"So, what is it now, Avey?" His voice was flat, detached. "If you’re here to tell me to stop pestering you, don’t worry. I’ve already made up my mind. I won’t disturb your life anymore."
Avey flinched. She could feel his gaze briefly flicker to the bouquet in her hands, and she could see the assumption in his eyes he thought the flowers were for someone else. The realization made her panic, her heart hammering in her chest.
"No… No, that’s not it!" she tried to say, but the words felt heavy, clumsy in her mouth. Why can’t I just explain? Why can’t I just tell him?
Lucian sighed again, and the crowd around them watched with growing interest, waiting for the inevitable scene to unfold. He kept his distance, not wanting to close the gap between them. The last thing he needed was to be swept back into the whirlwind of emotions that had consumed him for years.
"You don’t have to come and say it," Lucian continued, his voice bitter but calm. "I’ve already understood. I was wrong for disturbing your life all this time. And as for whoever it is you’re seeing now, don’t worry I won’t interfere. I’ve learned my lesson."
Avey’s eyes widened in horror as she realized he thought the roses were for someone else. No, no, that’s not it! her mind screamed, but her voice faltered again. She had so much to say, so many things she needed to explain, but the weight of her guilt and fear crushed her words before they could form.
"And I saw you with Victor the other night," Lucian added, his voice tightening. "I invited you to meet me, but… well, whatever. Leave that." He waved it off like it didn’t matter, but Avey could see the hurt flicker in his eyes for just a moment.
"It wasn’t like that," Avey finally managed to say, her voice trembling. But she didn’t know where to start, didn’t know how to make him understand that everything he believed was wrong. She took a shaky step forward, her hand reaching out to touch his arm, desperate to bridge the distance between them.
Lucian stiffened. His eyes flashed with a sudden fear, and he instinctively stepped back, his body recoiling from her touch. "Do not." His voice was firm, his eyes cold again. "Don’t come near me."
Avey’s heart sank further, and her extended hand froze midair. She had never seen him like this before so guarded, so closed off. It scared her. She was losing him, and she didn’t know how to stop it.
Is he really this afraid of me now? The thought tore through her, leaving her breathless. Have I
Lucian shook his head slightly, feeling the weight of the moment pressing down on him. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to be here, standing in front of her, trying to keep himself from falling apart again. He had made a promise to himself a promise to never chase her again, to never let himself be vulnerable like that, and he was determined to keep it.
"I’ve already made up my mind, Avey," Lucian said, his voice quieter now, but still firm. "I’m done. I won’t go down that path again. Not for you. Not for anyone."
Avey’s throat tightened as his words hit her like a punch to the gut. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision as she tried to hold herself together. No, no, no! This isn’t how it’s supposed to go! I came here to make things right, to apologize, to show him how much he means to me! Why can’t I say anything?!
Her eyes fell to the bouquet in her trembling hands, the roses that she had brought for him, hoping they would be a symbol of reconciliation, of new beginnings. But now, they felt like a cruel joke a misunderstanding that was driving them further apart.
Avey’s words seemed to hang in the air, suspending time itself.
Her eyes fell to the bouquet in her trembling hands, the roses that she had brought for him, hoping they would be a symbol of reconciliation, of new beginnings. But now, they felt like a cruel joke a misunderstanding that was driving them further apart.
"The flowers…" she began, her voice barely audible. "These aren’t… they’re not for anyone else. They’re for you, Lucian."
The crowd, which had been buzzing with whispers and speculation, fell into a heavy silence. It was as if the world had stopped spinning. All eyes were now glued to Lucian and Avey. The drama unfolding in front of them was beyond anyone’s expectations, far surpassing any of the gossip they had shared earlier.
Lucian froze in place, his entire body stiffening as if he’d been struck. Did she just… did she really say that? His mind was racing, trying to process what he had just heard.
His feet felt like they were glued to the ground as he slowly turned around to face Avey again. His face, usually composed and emotionless when dealing with her, was now painted with disbelief. There she stood, holding out the bouquet, her eyes soft and filled with emotions that had long been absent.
Lucian’s gaze locked with hers. He saw the tears welling in her eyes, the kind of softness and vulnerability that he had yearned to see for years. Is this real? His heart, which he had spent so long hardening against her, began to betray him.
For just a second, he found himself slipping back into those memories those moments when Avey used to look at him with the same warmth, back when they were kids, when she was his only light in a world of darkness. She was the one who pulled him out of depression, the one who had been his reason for holding on.
Lucian’s chest tightened, and he stumbled back, almost losing his balance. His breath hitched, and his body felt like it was failing him. What’s happening to me?
"Max, check my heart, check my heart fast. Check my brain too. What’s going on?" Lucian asked his system, panic flaring in his mind.
[No signs of cardiac anomaly or unusual brain activity, host,] Max responded in its usual mechanical tone.
"Then what’s wrong with me? Is it poison? What is this?!"do it sat max Lucian demanded, refusing to believe that his body would betray him like this without reason.
[Host, my diagnosis is that you are experiencing a severe anxiety attack.]
Anxiety? Lucian’s mind recoiled at the thought. Me? Why?
And then it hit him. It wasn’t poison, it wasn’t some external force it was her. It was the way Avey was looking at him, with those nostalgic, gentle eyes that reminded him of the way she used to look at him when they were kids, back when her affection was his lifeline. How long has it been since I’ve seen that look? Lucian thought, his heart hammering in his chest.
For a split second, Lucian almost fell back into that spell, into that familiar longing. But the pain of everything she had done to him her cold rejections, the humiliations, the indifference came rushing back like a wave crashing over him, pulling him back to the harsh reality.
Lucian clenched his fists, forcing his emotions back under control, anger bubbling to the surface anger at himself for almost slipping, for almost believing her again. Motherfucker, why are you still acting like this? Why do you still care about someone like her after everything she’s done? He cursed himself, his heart still racing despite his attempts to calm it.
Did you forget what she did to you in the last life? Did you forget how she treated you?
He could feel his heart pounding painfully in his chest, but this time, it wasn’t just from anxiety it was from the raw frustration of being unable to shut out the feelings he still harbored, no matter how much he wanted to.
He looked at Avey, his eyes flickering with emotions he had spent years burying. Did you just say those flowers are for me? He asked himself again, trying to process her words. His voice, when he spoke, was low and trembling, as if he still couldn’t fully believe what he was hearing.
His eyes darted to the bouquet again, then back to her face, searching for the trick, the game anything that would confirm this was all just another cruel joke.
Avey, sensing his disbelief, held the flowers out to him even more earnestly, her hands trembling as she took a step closer. The crowd around them watched in stunned silence, completely absorbed in the scene. For the first time, Avey didn’t care about the people watching. All she cared about was reaching Lucian, about making him understand.
I still have time, Avey thought to herself, hope rising in her chest as she saw the flicker of emotion in Lucian’s eyes. He can’t just stop loving me. I know he hasn’t. Yesterday… yesterday he was just angry, hurt. He’s still angry because of Victor. That must be it.yes thats it he can never...
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