Hakai Me no Yuuri

Chapter 36: Becoming Self-Conscious

Translator: ShiroiKaze/Soyokaze Translations

Author’s Comments:

This chapter contains sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised.

Winding back time a bit, we start this chapter the night before the ending lines of chapter 35.

Translator’s Notes:

And by sexual content, the author means a brief bit of it at the start. Skip to the first break if you want to go past it (just hit ctrl+f and search “~*~”). Anything after that is simply reference to something having happened.

Once again, as the author mentioned, this chapter starts out by fleshing out the rest of the night when Yuuri goes a bit uhh… wild… in the previous chapter. Enjoy.

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My master’s body twitches and jumps. It splashes out up to my elbows and dirties my hands.

Once that happened, the emotional high finally came down.

Yes, I do realize what I just did.

“U-ummm…”

Dammit, I only meant to harass him a bit… I really overdid it though.

This is far beyond a simple prank.

—He’s probably furious with me… actually, that’s not the problem, is it?!

Thinking that, I timidly raise my eyes to my master’s face.

His body was completely exhausted, and his face was flushed. Fortunately, I couldn’t see any anger in his expression.

However, he has an expression that seems to desire something more. I wonder if the rest of him feels that way?

And my body also… answers to that desire… my hand goes to his chest, and I bring my face close to his—

“Ma… ster… …Haster…”

“…”

My body covers that of my stirring master.

I get closer, to the point where I can even feel his breath—

“Ah… I-I’m sorry!”

At the very last moment, I pushed my master’s body away.

“I-I can’t. If we keep going, then I can’t go back anymore! That’s why…”

“Yuuri…”

“I’m sorry!”

While saying that, I ran away from my master.

~*~

The fountain at the city square. I ran all the way there, and was catching my breath.

My master’s stuff is still on my hands.

With the horrible incident from 5 years ago, any aversion I had to it was already broken.

After all, it’s been shot into my mouth, and I’ve even experienced choking to death on it.

It’s just, there’s only a feeling of discomfort—but when I thought about it being my master’s, that discomfort wasn’t there.

“… Aum.”

I suddenly decide to try licking off the stuff on my fingers.

Just like five years ago, it’s fishy, bitter, and… disgusting enough to feel like vomiting.

But, I really don’t feel any aversion to it bubbling up. How strange.

“Can’t go back… huh…”

While licking it all off, I reflectively spoke my own words again in contemplation.

My previous world’s body is currently a mass of minced meat.

Of course I can’t go back.

“Even so… I had that body for twenty-two years.”

It has already been five years.

I lived my previous life in that body, and had a family. I even had a few friends.

With the sudden accident, and this irrational reincarnation, I personally think I’ve gotten by without any further problems.

But, to do that, the only thing I avoided was ‘my death’. Because to the people around me, I unquestionably ‘died’ already.

“The police probably had a terrible time identifying me. The funeral preparations must have been a mess too.”

The scene from my final moments is still burned into my retina.

It’s quite possible that it was a body-less funeral.

“I’m sorry, Dad… Mom…”

I started thinking about my family, even though I’ve been trying not to until now, and tears started overflowing, running down my cheeks.

I didn’t think I would die before them. I definitely didn’t think I would become a girl.

I felt like I had betrayed my parents, who raised me, in so many ways… so I continued crying for a while.

~*~

After crying my eyes out for a bit, I suddenly started thinking about ‘myself from now on.’

“Myself from when I was man… my current self as a woman…”

I can’t go back anymore. So from now on, I must continue living as a woman.

I don’t grow at all, so I probably can’t even consider marriage and children… But since I can’t die either, I’ll have to live eternally as a woman.

I wonder when it was that my male thoughts faded, and their discord with my female thoughts disappeared?

“Well, whether it be my enthusiasm as a man or my chastity as a woman, it was completely destroyed on the first day I reincarnated, wasn’t it?”

Anyway, with these gifts it’s probably difficult to live as a woman. If I go out with a a man, then “Sacred Treasure” will end up killing my partner.

Can I even get pregnant in the first place? Of course I’ve never menstruated anyway, and I feel like the effects of “Golden Ratio” or “Adaptability” would keep me from being able to.

This is the one thing that I can’t just ‘try out’. Speaking of which, in the Trade City Lilith incident, after five days of action it still didn’t happen, so I’m pretty sure it’s impossible.

“I know that having children isn’t a woman’s only source of happiness, but even with that in mind… aren’t I a total failure as a woman?”

If I get together with someone, that person will die, I can’t have children, and I can’t grow older. Married life would probably be hopeless.

“I won’t be a good match for my master like this… wait, what does this have to do with my master?!”

Except I can’t imagine any man other than my master. Someone like Alec doesn’t count as a man.

There are hardly any other potential relationships of that sort around me.

“In any case, I’ve only ever thought of my relationship with my master as ‘a very friendly grandpa and grandkid,’ or ‘an indulgent father and child,’…”

I want to think that I just went a little too far this time. But…

“In the first place, I wouldn’t play a prank like that on someone that I don’t like, would I?

Or do what happened afterward, either.

If this was my previous life, then I probably would have exclaimed ‘are you gay?!’ and flailed around. But fortunately I’m in a woman’s body now… even though I’m a child.

And if my master was a man who swung that way, then I can’t deny that he’s a real catch of a man—and actually, looking at this from a woman’s perspective, that would make him even cooler.

“Huh, so in other words, I…”

I wonder when it happened? I’m sure it’s been this way for a long time—

“I like my master… probably?”

The moment that escaped from my mouth, I found my face immediately flushed.

I shake my head left and right vigorously, and with a gasp I noticed my surroundings… a bunch of people were looking my way, making faces that look like they were being healed.

Let’s imagine this.

It’s a street corner at sunset, and there’s a young girl who’s licking her fingers while turning red, going pale, crying, and shaking her head, so…

—If you were there, then what would you do?

1. Get excited

2. Be calmed

3. Take her home

“What are you all looking at me calmly for—, YOU JEEEERKS!”

For now I chose the option to ‘leave them with an insult, and escape from there’.

By the time I realized, my dirtied hands had been completely licked clean.

~*~

(Alec’s Perspective)

It’s three days after the dragon was defeated, and Master seems kinda worn out. Is it because of the illness I wonder?

Yuuri said, ‘maybe it’s because he’s feeling refreshed?,’ in response, but… she seems to be having trouble looking me in the eye?

And while that was happening, Master comes this way…

“Uh—, Yuuri. Umm, I’d like to talk—“

“Ah, Alec! I’m going to go check on how things are going at the weapon shop, see ya!”

Well, rather than not listening, she was definitely running away. It’s felt this way the whole time recently.

“What did you do, Master?”

“Uh, nothi… aah, yeah. Nothing at all?”

“Frankly, when you’re talking like that, it’s hard to believe that it’s nothing.”

“… Well, I was just a little too forward.”

Master made the unusual move of falling prostrate. Is he seriously depressed right now?

“It’s pretty unusual for you to fail at something, Master. It would be normal for Yuuri though.”

“That was an error. She probably hates me. No, there’s no way she… wouldn’t hate me after that, is there!?”

“No, that’s definitely not it.”

I think this teacher and student pair each evaluate themselves far too low.

I would expect the world to be destroyed before Yuuri hates Master, you know?

And I guess Master has held distrust for other people for a long time, so maybe there’s no helping that.

“But that was wrong… That was definitely wrong. Though some of it was out of my control.”

“Seriously, what did you do?”

“You think I can say it out loud?!”

Looks like Master’s going off the deep end. This is the only time I’ve ever seen him this shaken up.

Well, as his apprentice, this is when I should mediate in their relationship I suppose. I’ve gotta thank her for the other day anyway…

“Ah, good morning! Sir Alec, mister Haster!”

“Good morning Marle. And remember, I’m Albine right now.”

“Oops, I’m sorry.”

“Morning, are you feeling better now?”

“Yes!”

I’m glad she’s okay now.

I give Marle a light kiss on the cheek, and then plan to chase after Yuuri.

She’s so cute when she’s embarrassed. Yep.

“Dammit, go explode!”

Master seems like he’s really stressed out right now. He’s almost like a guy who just got dumped.

~*~

(Yuuri’s perspective)

I said I was going to the weapon shop, but I know that the order isn’t complete yet, so I ended up with nothing to do.

Well I decided to make the most of it, so while I was enjoying my morning walk, Alec caught up with me.

“… and that’s the why I’m here. Master is seeming really stressed, so could you at least hear him out?”

“I’m just shy about it is all. My prank went a little… actually, doesn’t he hate me?”

“Of course he doesn’t.”

“In the first place, just thinking about talking with Master alone is frying my head!”

Leaving that prank set-up aside, I really think I’m late in realizing this though!

Whether I’m conscious of it or not conscious of it changes the significance of it in all sorts of ways.

“Yuuri, you’re living with Master, just the two of you. What are you saying all of a sudden?”

“Please don’t remind me. I’m trying not to think about it.”

If I become conscious of that right now I won’t be able to stop it anymore. I never had a girlfriend in the past, so I didn’t think about it.

Certainly, the way things are right now isn’t good. Master is a popular, so if I take my eyes off of him, then all sorts of people will get close to him.

Like miss Bella, or miss Bella, and also miss Bella… just imagining it makes me really irritated!

“Urgh, I get it. When we get back I’ll try talking with Master.”

“I’m glad you understand.”

“By the way, Alec. How’s your body feeling? You haven’t felt bad since then?”

“Mm, right. Been in great shape. I’ve even got enough strength to swing a regular great sword one-handed now.”

“Then I guess it should be fine to let Master use the ‘blood’ about now.”

“I was the guinea pig?!”

“For Marle’s, take good care of it until she grows up, got it? Don’t use it unless it’s an emergency.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

For now, let’s confirm how things stand.

The members of Forest Bear used the ‘blood’ as soon as they were cured of the illness.

They’ve been sulky because they want to test out their new strength. They want to head out of here quickly, but we can’t depart until the scale equipment is ready after all.

For that job, I handed over a hammer with [Toughness] on it, and a knife with [Sharpness] on it, so the manufacturing is proceeding at quite the pace.

Also, those tools are not the types that can have their magic refilled, so they’ll naturally break after a while. I’m not going to let replenish-able enchanted goods out into the world.

After checking on the progress of things, I’ll have my showdown with my master.

~*~

Later on…

“Master, I’m sorry!”

“Ah, no, I was in the wrong.”

“You don’t… hate me?”

“Of course not. When you were avoiding me, I thought you hated me, and I was really anxious.”

“I could never hate you, Master, not even if heaven and earth went backwards!”

“… tch.”

I could hear mister Bhav clicking his tongue, but I’ll ignore it.

Actually, you had miss Bella taking care of you that much, and you didn’t tell her how you feel? What a loser…

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Author’s Comments:

Miss Yuuri, finally self-conscious.

Translator’s Snark:

Riajuu bakuhatsushiro!