Gardenia of Blooming Desire

Chapter 238: The Heart that Bears All Woes

Aster was sitting silently in his balcony, the night spring breeze blew his hair gently. Aster twirled his long, wavy hair, it had been a while since he cut his hair. His hair had elongated up to his shoulder, He forbade Tuskan to bring any barber to his room, because this hair he didn't understand, but it became painful whenever he tried to cut it.

Aster sighed, he took a scissor that he had prepared himself, and then tried to cut his hair, but whenever the scissor touched his hair, his body would shiver, as if his hair had the nerve by itself.

"Forget it," Aster said. He put down the scissor and caressed the statuette of his grandmother, Saintess Celine of Great Arctyr. By feeling the statuette, he could imagine the face of his grandma, 'She had similar facial features like my mother, just less intimidating.'

Aster imagined how gentle this person must be. She had been tortured by Emperor Leopold and his wife, she had been stripped of all her previous ranks, she was a Great Princess in Arctyr, but she became a prisoner in Golden Camellia.

'Yet, she always taught mother to be generous and forgiving, it barely worked though' Aster had come in peace with himself, with his current status and disability. He had no grudge in his heart anymore, just tranquillity.

'Yeah, don't lie to yourself, Aster. You don't have that tranquillity at all,' the voice in his head started buzzing again, he often rebuked Aster with all his unnecessary spiteful talks.

Aster tried to ignore this stupid doppelganger in his head, but he was very nosy and rebuked all his positivity with toxicity, as if nothing was ever good in this world. Nothing was worth it.

'Now, tell me, you are blind and useless, where is your handsome Ramuja? You know that your golden circle allows you to know whether he is alive or not. You know that he is alive, right? Yet, he never comes to you, he didn't even give you any news!' the doppelganger said.

'That's because he didn't know where I am right now,' Aster tried to rebuke that, but the doppelganger snorted.

'He can always ask Irion about your location, but he didn't. Maybe he already married someone, you are blind, and you are not a high aristocrat anymore. Maybe your father is still in position as temporary Grand Duke right now, but what can he do? His position has been weakened severely by Charles!'

Aster didn't rebuke this one, because deep down, what this doppelganger said had some truth in it. Ramuja could always ask Irion about his whereabouts, but he didn't.

'You've helped Ramuja, treated him well as a slave, you gave him life, and you even gave him your love and body, but what did he do to you? He cheated on you, he lied to you, and now, he didn't even care about your current condition. Truly, what an ungrateful bastard!'

"He is not an ungrateful bastard! He is" this time, Aster voiced himself, as if he was talking to himself, luckily, he was alone in his room or else it would be a bit creepy.

'Hah! You are still in denial!' the doppelganger sneered, 'Rather than thinking about that stupid slave, why don't you reconsider marrying Charles? He is really in love with you right now."

"I WILL NEVER MARRY CHARLES, I WOULD RATHER DIE!" Aster yelled. This time, there was no uncertainty in his heart. He would never ever marry someone who had destroyed his life in the name of love. He was just sick to the bone.

'Alright then, how about Tuskan? He is kind hearted, awkwardly cute, and he is a great king! He is also in love with you, probably more than that treacherous Ramuja could ever will!' the doppelganger suggested.

This time, Aster didn't deny it immediately. He seemed to be in deep thought. He sighed and tried to brush away the voice in his head. He slowly reached for his tea and then drank it cautiously.

He could smell the scent of the Aster Garden down his balcony, 'Ah, it smells wonderful, I wonder if it looks wonderful too.'

Aster shook his head quickly, "No, Aster, you shouldn't think about seeing anything. The more you are thinking about seeing, the more you got depressed," Aster said to himself.

"Want me to tell you the shape of the garden and the flowers?" a man suddenly whispered to his ear from behind, Aster jolted and Tuskan held Aster's shoulder gently, "Relax, it's just me."

"HHow long have you been here?" Aster asked.

Tuskan smiled meaningly, "Not long, I've just finished my work."

Tuskan sat beside Aster and then held Aster's hand gently, he used Aster's finger to pinpoint the position of each garden, "On your left, there is tulip and freesia garden, I asked the gardener to put two colourful flowers in one garden, so it becomes very colourful and beautiful. On your left, there is the entrance of the garden. I didn't plan many flowers there, but I did plant some spring lilac trailing to the centre. And in the centre, there is a spring aster garden, I make them gathered in one big heart shape."

Aster's mood had lifted up a bit, "Beautiful, you should be a garden planner when you are not a king," Aster joked, "Maybe you should be my garden planner and I will help you to take care the garden!"

Tuskan ears were red, his heartbeat was going crazy, he was silent for a minute and then inserted his fingers between Aster's finger and their hand intertwined together. He replied, "It is a good idea, maybe when we purchase a new home? Maybe a small villa to rest."

Aster didn't want to think much about his depression and that doppelganger that kept haunting him, so he nodded, "You should choose the villa carefully, I am a very nosy person, you know. If I don't like it, I will never step my foot on it."

"I will. I will make sure that it caters to all your needs," Tuskan said. Like a promise, he kept this in his heart. He observed the side profile of Aster and Tuskan drew near, 'You are in so much woe, but you are still stunning. I wonder if you've bewitched me with your beauty, Aster.'

Tuskan's lips were so close to Aster's cheek, and then Aster turned his head and their lips inevitable met. They kissed.

Tuskan immediately retreated, but Aster was still dazed, "AAster, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!" Tuskan said. Aster who finally regained his sense lowered his head in shame.

"It's alright, you just surprised me" Aster replied. Tuskan was panicked and ashamed at the same time. He excused himself and ran away from Aster's room. He was greeted with Mariette who stood in front of the door.

"OOh how was it?" Mariette awkwardly asked.

"Did you peek on us?!" Tuskan was angry, no, rather than angry to his twin sister. He was just ashamed, but didn't know how to react. Mariette laughed and replied, "I'm just wondering about the future king and queen."

"You are talking nonsense!" Tuskan rushed and left Mariette. He had to clear his mind, it felt like his mind had been filled with roses nowadays. He didn't mean to kiss Aster like that, it was all accidental.

Yet, the aftertaste of tingling sweetness on his lips lasted quite long.

***

'Do you have that sweet tingle in your heart when you kissed Tuskan?' the doppelganger teased him in his mind, Aster thought for a second and then he shook his head firmly.

'There is no feeling, it feels like a good kiss, but it was nothing more than that. When I kissed Ramuja, I feel like I would melt into a puddle,' Aster replied in his head, and then he smiled again. Remembering about Ramuja always made him happy, although it was only a memory, he was glad that he could preserve the memory about Ramuja.

'Tch! Well, you can't live like this forever, what if Tuskan proposed to you someday, you might never love him, but don't you want to have someone that loved you wholeheartedly? Someone that will not cheat on you? Ramuja already did, but trust me, Tuskan is too awkward to even consider cheating.'

'You might never love him, but you can accept him.'

Aster didn't say anything to this stupid voice inside his head. He was already considering it since the moment Mariette suggested it. He was unsure about what kind of support Mariette could give that Tuskan couldn't, but she said that it was directly linked to a marriage with the Great King. In short, Aster needed to be the queen first to gain this support from Mariette.

'Maybe it's not a bad idea, if I'm marrying Tuskan, at least I have someone that loves me truly'

Aster pondered about this for a long time. The moon was already hanging at the top, shining brightly. Although Aster couldn't see it, he could feel the gentle shower of the moon.

Then, in a blink of a second, he suddenly sensed something and he asked, "Who is there?"

A shadow emerged slowly and then walked to Aster. He kneeled obediently, but Aster was still unresponsive although he was already kneeling in front of him.

The shadow guard finally noticed that Aster had lost the golden circle in his eyes, in fact, his eyes were still like a dead lake. The sudden realization pinched his heart, as if he had failed to protect his master, "Milord, I am one of your Shadow guard."

Aster didn't reply immediately, and then he said gently, "Nate, right? Your name is Nate."

The shadow guard was shocked that his Milord knew him, "HHow could you?"

"I am your direct master, of course I should know your name," Aster smiled, "This is the first time you contacted me, did Irion send you? What is happening in Golden Camellia?"

It seemed that Milord Aster didn't want to talk about his blindness, thus, the shadow guard also talked normally, "Milord, I'm here to send you a news."

The shadow guard looked around, and then stood and whispered in Aster's ear, 'Ramuja is a prince, he is the Crown Prince of Sun Kingdom. He went berserk when he got captured because he tried to find you, but now he is safe with Sir Irion although he is still unconscious. Milord, Sir Irion wants you to know that he has already recruited some houses under your name, he has started a rebellion, 'The Ethereal Gardenia'. Milord, he is waiting for your command.'