Gardenia of Blooming Desire

Chapter 227: Blissful Darkness

Aster was sitting near the balcony at night. Of course, he didn't know that it was a balcony. In fact, he didn't know what was in front of him at all. Because it was all dark. When the light finally hit a room every morning, the darkness in front of him seemed to lighten a bit, but that was it.

It was all dark. Aster was not used to it. Who could've predicted that the proud Grand Duke Aster would be ruined until this point? Where he couldn't even see and couldn't move freely, because he was constantly under Tuskan's surveillance.

'What can I do anyway, I'm literally blind' Aster sighed. He knew that Tuskan meant well, he took care of him since he fainted and Tuskan protected him well. But he was too much. Aster tried to use the walking stick and he walked out of the room, although he must've knocked a few things on the way.

But when he finally left the room, Tuskan was chasing him anxiously and then nagged him because he might be in danger walking out alone at night. Especially since he was blind.

'Well, I have to do something, I can't stay here for too long.'

'But How could a blind man do anything? I can't even read or write, should I just end my life here? At least I won't be a burden to Tuskan, he is the Great King of Arctyr, taking care of a blind man must've been tiring.'

Aster took his walking stick and walked towards the railing of the balcony. He touched everything around him, trying to figure out the shape of the balcony, 'Square table highly polished chair, the railing is made out of wood, strange, why would someone make a railing out of wood. That is too fragile. Well, at least the wood's diameter is quite thick, I can sit on this.'

Then he tried to touch something in front of him and he only caught the air. It was already the end. Aster could feel the cold breeze of winter in Great Arctyr. He took a deep breath.

'Do you regret it?' Suddenly, Aster heard a voice, it was the same voice of the doppelganger inside his head, 'Do you regret living as a blind, useless man like this?'

Aster smiled faintly, "Of course, I have my grievance. But if the choices are either erasing Ramuja or sacrificing my eyes. I will still choose the latter one. I will not forget him, even if I die now, I will die remembering him fondly in my head."

'He is that precious for you? He is a cheating sex slave! You've been hurt too much by him. Why don't you just erase the memory of him and start over?'

Aster's faint smile didn't disappear from his face, he gripped the railing with his hands and then climbed slowly. He was now sitting on the wooden balcony. Everything was still dark in front of him. But somehow, it was less scary.

"You know, I wonder about that too, why do I fall in love with Ramuja? True, he is handsome, but Charles is, Gaum is, even Tuskan. They are all very handsome, but I still choose Ramuja."

'Exactly! There are so many choices! Just pick somebody else!'

Aster shook his head, "I can't imagine myself ending with anyone other than Ramuja. Call me stupid, but I am very loyal to my love."

'Stupid!'

Aster chuckled lightly, "I am. Hey, can you tell me the height of the balcony right now? I want to make sure that I will die instantly when I jump. Because I don't want to live, it might give even more trouble for Tuskan."

'Do you really want to jump? How about Ramuja? You said you want to meet him again.'

"I do, but let's be real. Even if I do, he is going to find out that I'm blind. I'm not his mighty lord that ruled over the Grand Duchy Stormhill anymore. I am just a fugitive from my own country that just happens to be blind."

'He he will be sad if you die'

"Well, he might be. But I know he can move on fast, you see, he can cheat with Merry for three years, and then take my first night. He might've taken Merry's first night too. Not that I could blame him though, it's his right to be with anyone he wanted" Aster's lips trembled when he said it. He tried to brush off the sadness stacking inside his heart.

"In fact, isn't it better if he ends up with anyone else? I want him to be happy. He should've married Merry, or any other girl. I don't think he is suitable with a man, honestly. He is like a stallion, he should pass his good gene to his children."

"Maybe, well, maybe, if there is heaven. I can see him from above, with his wife and children. Maybe I can play with his children as a ghost."

"Wait, hahaha, that sounds ridiculous!" Aster laughed at himself. Everything was still dark, but he could feel his eyes were getting wet. He wiped it gently. "Why am I crying? I said I will not regret anything."

'Because deep down, you want him to save you. You want him to be devoted to you, even after he knows that you are blind and useless, you want him to be solely devoted to you, isn't it right?'

" yes." Aster sighed, "Of course, I want him to be devoted to me. But I must face reality, what is the use of him being with me? A blind, useless man, I can't take care of him, I can't protect him, I can't work, and I can't even bear a child for him."

"Don't worry, he will forget me quickly enough, I won't leave a scar inside his heart even if I die."

Aster took a deep breath and slowly leaned forward, he let loose of his grip on the railing and he could feel that his body the cold breeze hit his face. Aster gave in a little push and he jumped from the railing.

'I love you, Ramuja.'

Tuskan who had finally finished all the daily tasks as the Great King came to Aster's room tiredly, and already saw Aster leaning forward, about to fall from the balcony railing.

"ASTER!" Tuskan rushed and caught Aster's hand. Aster was still dangling midair. Tuskan tried to pull him back up, but he actually struggled.

Tuskan saw that Aster was crying and said, "Aster, what are you doing?!"

"Let me go, I've made enough hassle for you, I don't think I need to stay longer."

"YOU ARE NOT A HASSLE!" Tuskan used all his strength and pulled Aster back up. He hugged Aster tightly, his heartbeat was beating fast. If he was late for one second, Aster would be dead.

"YYou are not a hassle, you are never an inconvenience!" Tuskan assured him, "Please, get yourself together!"

Aster was unresponsive for a minute, then he responded to Tuskan's hug, "You are too kind, really. But kindness and loyalty is only a passing feeling. You will get tired of taking care of a blind man like me. Tuskan, we might be blood relatives, but you don't have the responsibility to take care of me."

"I didn't take care of you just because you are still my relative!" Tuskan rebuked.

"Huh?" Aster raised his brow.

"I take care of you because I I" somehow, Tuskan couldn't mutter the words 'love' and 'like.' He tried a few times, but he was tongue-tied, "Argh!"

Tuskan frustratedly pulled Aster back inside the room and locked the balcony door. He sat Aster on the bed and then took a few steps back. His chest was palpitating with the combination of shock and shame.

"It's not important, but I truly want to take care of you," Tuskan said, he carefully approached Aster and then kneeled in front of him, "Aster, tell me, what was the reason for your action just now?"

"Isn't it clear already? I'm a waste!" Aster said frustratedly, "I am a blind, useless man which is also a fugitive of my own country!"

"But Golden Camellia is not your only country," Tuskan took out something from his vest, and then put it in Aster's palm, "Great Arctyr is also your country, in fact, if we announce to the people that the grandson of Saintess Celine came to Great Arctyr, they will hold a feast solely to celebrate your arrival."

Aster tried to feel something that had been given by Tuskan, he guessed, "A crest?"

"The Crest of Lion Head, the symbol of rulers in the Great Arctyr. Only people with Great Princess or Great Prince's rings are able to obtain this. At bare minimum, you will be a high noble with this crest."

"You are giving a ruling crest to someone from another country?! Tuskan, you are a king! A king should stay aware of everything that he does!" Aster pushed the crest back to Tuskan and scolded him, "What if the one you gave this crest was a bad person? He might also be a spy! My god, Tuskan, you are a Great King! How could you be so dumb!"

Tuskan chuckled lightly as he was getting scolded by Aster, then he put on the small drawer near the bed, "I put it on the drawer near your bed, it is rightfully yours."

" stupid." Aster pouted.

"Yes, yes, I am stupid," Tuskan mischievously grinned, "But who was about to jump from the balcony because he feels useless? I'm here calling many doctors that might be able to help you, I'm preparing the best, so you can live properly in Great Arctyr, and you are paying me with your death? Stupid!"

"SShut up! I have a solid reason to do so!"

Tuskan smiled and then whispered to Aster, 'Then, how about this, we will try to heal your eyes first, and once you are healed, we can return to Golden Camellia and I will personally aid you. So, don't give up when you haven't tried at all.'

Aster was stunned. He swiftly grabbed Tuskan's hand and then said, "If my eyes can be recovered, I will do anything for you."