EPIC Side Story: Dragon Ball

Chapter 31: Awareness

In Chi-Chi's mind, the wife was supposed to do all the cooking. When she heard that cooking was one of Vahn's favorite hobbies, it was like a meteor had crashed into her mind. In its wake, many of the preconceived notions she had formed in regards to gender roles had been eliminated. A few of the more deeply rooted ones managed to persist, but, with years between Chi-Chi and graduation, Vahn was pretty confident he could eliminate the rest.

With this in mind, Vahn politely refused Chi-Chi's offers to take a bath and subsequently share a bed together. This left her feeling more than a little dispirited, so, after discussing the matter with Sarina, he spent a few hours helping her redecorate her room in accordance with her preferences before punctuating the evening by gifting her a bookcase filled with every textbook she would be assigned while attending school in West City. In her mind, this was his way of telling her to do her best, so, while she was still bothered by the fact he had refused to let her 'practice' behaving as his wife, she went to sleep in high spirits…

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Waking from the dormant state he used as a substitute for sleep, Vahn's intent locked onto the presence that had appeared in Broly's room. In the very next moment, both it and he appeared high in the sky above the manor as he said, "The Eastern Supreme Kai…I would say it's a pleasure to meet you, but you don't teleport into someone's house at 2 AM if you have good intentions…"

Furrowing his brows in response to Vahn's words, the Eastern Supreme Kai, a petite man standing at 160cm in height and possessing purple skin, elf-like ears, and a white mohawk said, "That child is an unimaginable danger to this planet. He cannot be allowed to stay here…"

Resisting the urge to grab and tug the youthful-looking Kai's ears, a challenging smile developed across Vahn's face as he uttered an, "Oh~?" before following it by asking, "And where would you take him…?"

Not liking the fact he couldn't even sense Vahn's power, the Eastern Supreme Kai, Shin, swallowed the lump forming in his throat before answering, "I will take him to the Supreme World of the Kais. There, even if he rampages, he will not be able to cause harm…"

Surprised by the notion that Shin was essentially stating he would be taking Broly away to raise him, Vahn's anger began to recede as he shook his head and said, "Sorry, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that. Besides, so long as I'm here, Broly isn't a danger to anyone. Your worry, while understandable, is unnecessary."

With a hint of a sneer on his face, Shin was about to inform Vahn that he was dealing with powers far beyond his understanding. Before he could utter so much as a single syllable, however, he found himself back on the Sacred World of the Kai, a thin piece of parchment unfurling in front of his face that read, 'The next time you enter my home unannounced, you better bring Beerus.'

Reading the piece of paper, Shin's golden-brown eyes widened to the point they nearly resembled saucers. This caused the elderly, red-skinned man who had appeared next to him to ask, "Lord Shin? Is everything alright?"

Grabbing the piece of paper before the red-skinned man could peruse its contents, Shin answered, "No, Kibito. Everything is perfectly fine. Thank you for asking…"

Though the expression on Shin's face told him that everything was 'not' fine, Kibito simply nodded his head, saying, "Very good." before following it up by asking, "Would my Lord like some tea? Your complexion is somewhat pale."

Laughing nervously, Shin promptly incinerated the piece of paper concealed behind his back before answering, "That would be lovely…" in an audibly disconcerted tone…

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Returning to bed, Vahn informed Sarina that everything was okay before cradling her in his arms until she fell back asleep. At the same time, he used his intent to continue observing Shin before briefly shifting it to the planet occupied by Beerus, the cat-like God of Destruction resembling an ancient Egyptian Deity.

Unsurprisingly, Beerus was still asleep atop his floating bed while Whis, the blue-skinned, white-haired Angel that served as both his attendant and Martial Arts Master, enjoyed a game of chess with the Oracle Fish, a blue, eel-like creature suspended in a tank of green liquid. Neither of them noticed his presence, so, after observing the board state and determining that the Oracle Fish was going to win, Vahn decided to play it extra safe by sneaking a peek at the Gods of Destruction from other Universes.

Fortunately, while he was somewhat surprised to find the furry, fox-like God of Destruction, Liqueur in the middle of a date, Vahn didn't find anything amiss with the other Universes. At the very least, there was nothing of note going on with their Supreme Kais or Gods of Destruction.

Feeling a little better, Vahn set the matter of Shin appearing in his home aside and decided to get some rest. He didn't actually need it, but, for the sake of suspense, it was better for him to at least enter a dormant state via the Mantra of Eternity. If he stayed awake all night, he was bound to keep tabs on Shin and periodically check what other persons of interest were up to. He had already erred pretty big time in this regard, as, shortly after his discussion with Sarina regarding potential harem members, he ended up checking in to see how Caulifla and Kale were doing.

At the present moment, Caulifla was just under nine months old. She was growing quickly due to her Saiyan biology, but, unlike the Saiyans of Universe 7, she was aging naturally rather than inside of an incubation pod. As for Kale, she hadn't even been born yet. As a result, Vahn ended up finding his intent in a rather strange place. Specifically, one of her mother's ovaries…

Though he was intimately familiar with the female anatomy, Vahn had never experienced being inside of someone's ovary. Well, he had, just not in a super literal, fully conscious sense…

Fortunately, the experience wasn't too awkward. It gave Vahn the opportunity to cure an illness that had been plaguing Kale's mother for years and also taught him that his intent could scale down to whatever he was trying to view. He confirmed this by focusing his intent on a single atop of helium, and, as a result, he found himself in a microcosm where protons resembled stars and electrons were comparable to planets.

As interesting as the experience had been, the discovery that most fascinated Vahn was the fact that a handful of Saiyans in Universe 6 still had their tails. He didn't know if this was because of his effect on the timeline but Caulifla, her mother, grandmother, and several other females Saiyans within her village still had their tails. It gave the women who possessed them a wild and untamed aura, and, as far as he could tell, it seemed to distinguish them as warriors among their forest-dwelling tribe.

Though he was eagerly looking forward to seeing what the matured Caulifla looked like with a tail, Vahn followed the discovery by forbidding himself from prying into the Saiyaness's life unless their paths crossed naturally. There was a very real possibility the Tournament of Power would never take place, so, unless Sarina specifically asked him to take her to Universe 6, Vahn concluded that it was for the best if he just allows fate to take its course. It was bad enough that he was seriously looking forward to the growth of a girl still wearing cloth diapers…

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While Vahn was both looking forward to and lamenting the future, Goku was in a remarkably similar state after he, and everyone else, had consumed poisonous pufferfish meat. Not only had it tasted terrible compared to the food he had eaten while staying with Vahn, but, even after using the toilet ten times, he still had to go every twenty to thirty minutes.

As bad as this sounded, it was nothing compared to the state everyone else was in. Goku's Saiyan biology had gifted him with an iron stomach, so, while he had one of the most extreme cases of diarrhea he had ever experienced, he could still move around pretty easily. Everyone else had been rendered unable to move, so, in between relieving himself, Goku had been helping to take care of the others. This included a noseless boy with a shaven head and a strange, paradoxically kind yet violent woman whose hair changed between blonde and dark blue each time she sneezed.

Though Vahn had explained the differences between men and women to Goku, the latter still had a bit of trouble internalizing the info. As a result, he couldn't help curiously eyeing the woman's body whenever he was wiping away her sweat and checking her butts for poop. He found it strange that she seemed to pee from her front butt, but, as it had to come from somewhere, Goku supposed it made sense for it to come from there rather than the back.

Unfortunately, while the blue-haired version of the woman named Launch didn't seem to mind his curiosity, the blonde-haired version immediately pulled out a machine gun, seemingly out of thin air, to try and shoot him. Her sluggishness allowed Goku to disarm her with relative ease, but, even though he was trying to help her, she ended up growling at him like an angry dog until he left the room.

With Launch behaving aggressively for several hours, Goku was unspeakably confused when she became completely docile and asked him to take her to the bath. There, she asked him to wash her body, dry her off, and fix her clothes before ultimately asking him to carry her back to bed without so much as a single threat to his life. This drastically increased Goku's confusion, but, recalling how Bulma would go from happy to angry faster than the wind could change directions, he ultimately arrived at the conclusion that it was a trait all girls shared…

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Rising early the following morning, Vahn allowed Sarina to sleep in as he made the rounds to wake up Chi-Chi, Broly, and Cheelai. The latter took a bit of effort to wake up, but, once he told her that breakfast would only be served for an hour, she quickly found the motivation to get up and brush her teeth before teaching Broly to do the same.

As that was going on, Vahn had a wry smile on his face as Chi-Chi stood atop a stool and watched him cooking like an unblinking owl. She was too prideful to ask him to teach her how to cook, so, after receiving his permission to watch, that is exactly what she did.

Unfortunately, as sharp as her mind appeared to be, Chi-Chi's complete lack of experience in the kitchen wasn't doing her any favors. Her lack of superhuman senses also made it impossible for her to follow Vahn's movements with a kitchen knife, so, while it was a relatively simple matter for her to remember all the ingredients used, she wasn't sure how to prepare them or control the heat of the stove. Thus, after a few minutes had passed, she ended up sneaking glances at Vahn rather than paying attention to what he was preparing…

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(A/N: Alternate Titles: 'Playing with fire…','Vahn is constantly learning new things (O ^ O;)…','Front butt xD…')