Ball of Nothing

Chapter 552: Discounts and Freebies

Bob had to admit, Zero had an innate talent for raking up discounts and freebies wherever he went regardless of having boobies or not. All his master needed to do was flash a smile to disarm people's guard against him.

When they arrived at the main gate and joined the line, the guards had been hostile when they approached. However, once Zero let the hood fall, things magically changed. They had a corrective attitude and became extra polite to them as if to make up for the bad customer service earlier. They didn't even check Zero and Bob's identity before giving them two passes. The elven guard's team captain even gave them a discount on the passes discreetly after kissing Zero's hand. The dragon had never seen such a greasy guard in his life until now. Bob wanted to roar at the elf for taking advantage of his beautiful master but Zero beat him to the punch.

"When did you lace your hand with laxatives?" he asked once they were out of hearing range. The city was full of all sorts of people and they blended right in.

Zero hopped to the nearest food stall and demanded five types of kebabs after the stall owner claimed it was an Altear speciality.

"About three people away," he replied while munching on a skewer. "I saw him eyeing the pretty female adventurer. He tried to touch her inappropriately too so I thought I might as well teach him a lesson. You'd never know when the next pretty lady would be carrying some pesky germs on her hand, right? It could have been purely coincidental with lunch not agreeing too. They can't put the blame on me. Oh, want to try some? It's delicious! Frog and lamb meat in toad bile sauce."

Bob raised a brow when Zero told him what it was and passed on it. His master had a good way of getting people wrapped around his little finger. even the kebab store owner threw in some freebies with the kebabs. Zero had three kinds of sauces and five extra sticks that they never ordered.

"Are we going to spend the day just touring the city?" Bob asked. "I thought you wanted to check out the elven women."

Zero nodded and polished the rest of his food. He was still hungry. "I do. However, it is still in the middle of the day. We can't find elven women so easily when the city is full of busy merchants and adventurers. The elven ladies working in the shops won't be the best of the lookers, we need to wait a little longer."

Bob was confused. Did Zero really intend to head to an elven brothel to check out the elven ladies?

They decided to take a short detour in the city and visited many shops from clothing shops to craft stores and even apothecaries. Zero spent quite a bit of money trying out new things and learned to haggle for better prices. Bob didn't understand why he was buying so many pottery and tools. It took the dragon a while to realise that his master wasn't buying them for himself or the village. The wood elves who were starting their farm were still digging with branches and their hands when they left. Once more, Bob was amazed by Zero's thoughtfulness.

"Where are we going next?" Bob asked after Zero left the adventurer's guild. There weren't any easy quests and the elves were really stringent with their requirements for quests. As it was, Zero didn't meet any of the requirements to take up the higher-ranked quests. He also didn't feel like herb gathering or hunting for fugitives, namely the wood elves, so he passed on that.

"Going back to the town square. It's almost time for the pretty ladies to show up!" he grinned and Bob followed his master with a confused expression.

The town square was crowded and the atmosphere very excited. Bob didn't know what was going on but he knew it was a festive mood. People were cheering as they looked up and the dragon decided to follow them, curious about what they were admiring.

Zero squeezed his way to the front with Bob behind him. Elven folks of all kinds gathered around and cheered for the candidates in the marked fight ring. They were armed with various weapons and the announcer used an amplifier cone to make the opening speech.

"Welcome to Altear's open fight ring where elven warriors compare their skills with each other for title, prestige and honour! The winner of today's final match will challenge the previous season's winner for the elven mithril sword. The one who loses the battle will have a new piercing to their ear as per tradition. Let's introduce our first contestants for today!"

Bob watched as the elven warriors stepped up to challenge for the title. He didn't know where Zero heard about this but he was right. The elven ladies in this competition were more beautiful than the ones they saw in shops and taverns. These ladies looked frighteningly similar and the men were no different.

The number of gold piercings on the elf's ear represented the number of times they've lost the battle to challenge for a position of nobility. King Sharo was insane with his standards for perfection. The battle was a way for new elven royal guards to be selected. Everyone knew that if an elf defended the position three times, they would be immediately given a permanent position within the royal guards. If he defended the position eight times, they would be promoted to the leader of a squad. If they defended the position thirty times, they would make it into the elite forces to guard the elven sacred tree.

"How do women get selected for the spriggan then?" Bob asked as two ferocious elven women clashed their weapons together at the start of the first match.

Zero shrugged. "That's what I want to find out. But at the very least, we now know the criteria for elven beauty. These ladies have a certain kind of body measurement, fat percentage and facial angle that make them look scarily similar."

Bob agreed. Even the men followed this similar androgynous beauty standard.

"Master, what are you going to do if you don't fit in with their standard of beauty?"

Zero grinned. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? I'll give that womanising spriggan a reason to simp for a new kind of aesthetic."

Bob didn't know what to say at Zero's bold declaration. Eventually, he settled for watching the match instead. Hopefully, Truen would be able to uncover more useful information on his end.