Absolute Regression

Episode 140: In the days of foolish beasts.

Chuma’s face turned red.

I couldn’t tell if it was because of the alcohol, the sunset, or the shame I had buried for so many years.

“I think I need to drink more.”

I was about to stand up but sat down again.

I know the reason why the relationship between Hyeolcheondoma and Ilhwageomjon has worsened. The two people were once in love as a man and a woman, but then broke up on bad terms. But I didn’t know that alcohol would be involved in that breakup.

“For a long time, I and Geomzon occasionally drank and talked. One day, Geomzon asked me. Do you know what kind of person Thomas is? I asked why you asked. They say Thomas drew the picture. I asked to see what kind of picture it was. The painting was a painting of a beautiful woman depicting Geomzon. I knew the moment I saw the painting that it was more beautiful than the real thing. Ah, Doma likes Geomzone. “I just got the feeling.”

These are them from their youth. A Hyeolcheon Domar drawing a picture for a woman! It’s truly unimaginable.

“Sure enough, from then on, Doma started to show affection for Geomzon. Let’s have tea and go for a walk. Geomzon told me the whole story of his meeting with Doma. “Do you know how I felt at that time?”

“Was it bad?”

“a lot.”

“Chwima-nim, are you also liking Geomzon?”

“It wasn’t like that from the beginning. Because Doma likes Geomzon, I suddenly became anxious. Until then, I thought Geomzon liked the cult leader. So I thought no one would accept it, but that wasn’t the case. “I had pure respect for the religious leader.”

I poured the drink into Chuma’s cup. He stared blankly into his glass of wine and recalled the past.

“One day, while drinking, I subtly revealed to Geomjon that I liked him. But…”

Chuma was speechless. I sighed and spoke instead.

“You were rejected.”

Chwima nodded slowly.

“He said he was in love with Thomas.”

Suddenly, Chwima shouted.

“Does that make sense? Does that make sense? That skinny, ugly cutting board was even older than us! I was so angry that I couldn’t sleep even a wink. “I was angry at myself for not confessing more carefully, and I was even more angry at being caught panicking at the moment of rejection.”

Chuma did not hide anything and honestly told everything about that time.

“This thought tormented me. In fact, I didn’t like Geomzon that much, but when I heard that I liked Doma, I wonder if I didn’t want to give it to someone else for no reason, so I confessed to it? Since the idiot got rejected, he even makes this excuse! “I couldn’t sleep for days.”

It was such a pure appearance that I couldn’t even imagine when I think of this insidious drunkard now.

“Isn’t that the age of foolish beasts led by instinct?”

“You’re not, are you?”

So did I.

“shit! “Just thinking about that time makes me so embarrassed and annoyed that I die!”

Chwima got up and started pacing back and forth around the pavilion. Then I leaned against the railing and looked at the now dark lake.

“From that day on, my heart has been crooked. Although I didn’t express it outwardly, I wanted to somehow separate the two of us. However, as time passed, Geomzon’s liking for Doma continued to grow. Then one day it happened.”

Chuma lit the lamp attached to the pillar of the pavilion. You get angry, you talk, you start pacing, you start a fire. Chwima’s complicated feelings are conveyed through his actions. When the lamp was turned on, the surroundings became brighter.

“As I was walking down the hallway, I heard Thomas’ voice. He was drinking with Namdo sect warriors. I guess I was talking about Geomzon, but the Namdo sect warriors were asking about Geomzon. How much do you like him? Did you kiss him? Did you sleep? This is something that friends usually say when they get together, but I was furious. “You bastards!”

Chuma emptied his drink. I drank too. Perhaps because of the atmosphere, I didn’t get drunk even after drinking. I felt like I was standing in the hallway of that building with young Chuma.

“I should have kicked in the door and flipped it over. You bastards! “Shut up!”

“You should have done it, right?”

“I felt like my life would end the moment I broke down that door.”

Now we know. Even so, nothing special will happen. In hindsight, I just remember it as a day of fighting and being a terrible day.

“When I met Geomzon the next day, I told him what happened yesterday. Actually, I met Thomas at Giru yesterday. That fact alone must have made her feel bad, and she even said something she didn’t mean to say. It was as if Thomas had said what those who were with him were talking about, not what Thomas had said. Thomas was talking about kissing you. I still vividly remember my heart pounding like crazy as I said those words. That I would do such a shameful thing? Am I just this kind of guy? My heart was pounding and my head was blaming myself, but my mouth was saying, ‘Originally, men show off in front of courtesans.’ “I don’t even know if there was a courtesan in that room that day or not.”

Crackling.

The railings of the pavilion were torn off by Chwima’s hands. I could see anger and regret in his drunken eyes. Now I can clearly see where those eyes that felt empty came from.

“After some time had passed, Geomzon said that. He said he had a big fight with Doma and broke up. From that day on, the two fought every time they met.”

“Did they continue to separate after that?”

Chwima shook his head.

“There was no need for that. Once the relationship went sour, it started to spiral out of control. On the contrary, these days, they fight as much as they want. “I drink alcohol with Geomzon for the fun of swearing at Doma.”

“Have you ever thought about apologizing to them?”

“I tried it.”

“But why didn’t you do it?”

“If it had been for a better reason, I might have apologized to Geomzon. But I couldn’t bear to say that I did it out of jealousy. Or I’m still hoping things don’t work out for the two of you.”

Chwima looked at me and added,

“I am such a petty and petty bastard.”

“I know.”

“what?”

“Then why would you have thought of Mr. Chwima as an upright and honest person? It was sneaky and mean…”

“Stop!”

It seems like my insides are boiling as I hear others gossiping about me again.

“What did I do so wrong! If you’re going to break up after just saying a few words, you’re going to break up anyway, right? Right? It’s true that you went to Giru, and it’s also true that you brought up the story of Geomzon in the first place, right? Who wants to go? Do you want to meet me there? shit!”

I felt it. It turns out that Doma and Geomjon weren’t the only ones fighting for a long time. Perhaps Chwima fought the fiercest.

“you’re right. If two people really loved each other, they shouldn’t be shaken like that. Even if we had left it alone, we would have broken up for other reasons.”

“yes? Right?”

When I took his side, Chwima came next to me and laughed heartily. Then he suddenly sighed.

“I wasn’t happy at all when they said we broke up.”

Now is the time to ask why.

“Why did you tell me this?”

“Didn’t you keep asking? Why did I approach you? Geomzon said that at a drinking party not long ago. “You want to use Thomas and yourself as your left and right wings.”

“Are you here to clip my wings? Are you here to attach me so that we can fly together now?”

Chuma shook his head.

“I don’t know. I just saw that Doma and Geomzon were hanging out together around you, and I thought I should jump in too. “I never thought I’d end up saying something like this.”

“Do you feel relieved after everything is said?”

“I’m already regretting it. Why did I have to reveal such a pathetic thing with my mouth? I’m possessed by a ghost. “I don’t want to be caught off guard by people talking about half-purity.”

He lay down on the floor. Then he looked up at the ceiling of the pavilion blankly and said.

“You’ll keep thinking about this every time you see me.”

“You’ll remember it. “Ugh, my ugly brother.”

Chwima laughed at my words. The small smile grew bigger and bigger. After a quick laugh, he asked.

“Are you going to reveal the truth to these two people?”

I shook my head.

“It’s not up to me to decide.”

“I don’t plan on revealing it to them forever?”

“Go ahead.”

“I really will.”

“do it.”

Chuma jumped up and looked at me.

“Don’t you want the two of you to reconcile?”

“Will those two become happier if they find out the truth?”

“!”

“Putting aside their hatred for Lord Chwi, the two will feel even more sorry that their love did not come true for that reason. Since I can’t go back, the regret will be even greater. But is it only now that the two of you start a new love? Will that work? In the end, all three of you will be more unhappy than you are now.”

I think this is a truth that must be buried forever. The Hyeolcheon Doma may get angry and try to kill the Chuma. Even if he kills Chuma, Hyeolcheondoma will also have to pay the price. Meanwhile, what are Geomzon’s feelings like? In the end, it happened because Chuma liked him too.

“I have only one chance to reveal the truth, but consider that I have now wasted that opportunity.”

It would make a big difference whether you told me or not. Because the past that clings to me like a ghost is not something I can deal with alone.

“If you free yourself from the obsession with revealing the truth, you might be able to reconcile the two people better. From now on, I will try to become friends with Hyeolcheon Doma and praise him instead of gossiping when I drink and drink. If you do that, won’t an unexpected opportunity arise that will connect the two of you someday? Please give me wings right now.”

“You should be my brother.”

“I don’t like it. “If you’re going to make fun of my ugly brother, it’s only fun if he’s your older brother.”

Chuma’s expression became much more relaxed. After saying everything, he seemed relieved.

“Make sure to keep one promise.”

“Something?”

“Reduce your drinking and have some snacks. “It’s already come to this, so we have to let our poor brother live a long life.”

I don’t know whether Chuma’s fate will change with today as a turning point. Even if I do this, will I end up dying from alcoholism or will I live a different life?

Maybe my fate will change and I may die earlier. But it’s okay. Any death would be better than the death of a drunkard dying from a bottle of alcohol.

“Hyung, let’s get it done. I can’t drink any more. And… thank you for being honest.”

The look on his face when he looked at me was something I had never seen before. Will we be able to keep this look toward each other until the end?

“Aww… thank you.”

Chuma toasted my glass.

* * *

The next day, my father called me.

When I entered Cheonmajeon, I felt that the atmosphere was different from usual.

The great general Sima Ming was there, and his older brother Geommuyang was also there.

After saying hello to my father and Sima Ming, Geommuyang spoke to me.

“It smells like alcohol. “You smell like alcohol when you meet your father?”

“I drank too much yesterday. “With the person who likes drinking the most in our school.”

I mentioned drunkenness on purpose. Geommuyang tried to act calmly.

“Yes, I heard that you hang out with Chwima often these days. “Don’t drink too much.”

Geommuyang must be in a bad mood. I would love it if Chwima came to me and caused trouble, but it would look like the two of us were having a good time.

Nevertheless, Geommuyang was trying not to show her emotions. The older brother definitely becomes a different person in front of his father.

“Shouldn’t you be more careful, brother?”

“What do you mean?”

“I heard you’re hanging out with the Poison King these days? I like alcohol, but you drink poison, right? “Be careful, bro.”

Although it was in front of my father, a tense battle of nerves unfolded. I didn’t hide it on purpose. To my father and to my older brother.

As can be seen in the case of intoxication, emotions that are concealed and concealed ultimately lead to problems. They fight openly like this and have a war of nerves. If you want to fight to save your brother, this is the way to go. If you get angry on the outside, you will curse, but if you get angry on the inside, you will send an assassin.

My father watched the conversation between the two of us with mysterious eyes, then nodded and signaled to Sima Ming.

Then Sima Ming stepped forward and said.

“Today, the two Confucius will be given different tasks.”

There were two red envelopes in Sima Ming’s hands.

It has finally come. A full-scale test to determine a successor has begun.

“To be fair, please choose the one you both like.”

The moment I saw that envelope, my heart was agitated.

I remembered today before returning. Two missions given to us.

My brother succeeded and I failed.

By ruining this mission, I completely fell away from the position of successor.

Just like in the past, my brother gave me the opportunity to choose first this time too.

“Choose first. Don’t regret it later if you choose wrong.”

“That probably won’t happen.”

I slowly reached out my hand and chose one of the two envelopes.